SCP-5654 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5654.

Author's Note

Jak Mockery 29 Jan 2022 03:47

SCP-5654 is an SCP about my experience with my grandmother, and the dementia she suffered from. In the world of stark confusion and fear she found herself in, she found comfort when I sung and played the piano to her. I hope, to that degree, others who suffer as she suffered have a Mr. Benny of their own.

Thank you to bigslothonmyface for writing SCP-6002 and thereby introducing the concept of cognitomole testing, which I was able to utilise to effectively describe Mr. Benny's appearance.

Thank you to my wonderful critters Grigori Karpin, AvocadoMilk, Rex Atlas, Dr_Moist, jackVS, tawnyowljones, Jacob Conwell and _TheVoyage_ does not match any existing user name for your feedback and crit.

And particular thanks to Uncle Nicolini and fabledtiefling for voicing your criticisms of the initial version and its shortcomings, as well as providing additional feedback on subsequent versions of this article. I really wouldn't have been motivated to repost without your honesty.

Cheers all.

Last edited on 03 Mar 2022 03:23 by Jak Mockery Show more

Elunerazim 29 Jan 2022 05:27

My grandfather's few moments of lucidity were while listening to Sinatra and goddamn if this didn't hit on exactly the same nerve.

Jak Mockery 03 Mar 2022 03:30

I'm glad you were able to relate to it. I sang Sinatra to my grandmother a lot, so that's probably why it's a bit evocative of that kinda style.

Jacob Conwell 29 Jan 2022 23:49

Hey hey, glad to see this posted.

This is a very short and sweet article that does a good job tugging at the heartstrings. I think you do a wonderful job being evocative with the article content, without being too saccharine. If I had any remaining criticism it's that the author avatar inclusion is a tad on the clumsy side. That said, its far from a deal-breaker, and the knowledge that this article comes a very personal place for you adds to the inclusion.

Well done.

+1.

Jak Mockery 03 Mar 2022 03:28

You were right about the AA inclusion, I don't need to make this about me. Removed.

Thank you for your feedback Jacob. You were extremely helpful.

OriTiefling 30 Jan 2022 00:19

This is an extreme notable improvement over the initial version. I personally would still like a bit more when it comes to the addendums at the end, but I think this hits the notes it needs to and feels both personal and relatable at the same time. The original was personal to the point of no longer being something that we could connect with as the readers- this one fixes that problem.

Easy +1, especially after seeing how hard you've worked on this.

Jak Mockery 03 Mar 2022 03:29

I feel like keeping it simple works for it. Maybe I'll revisit it and add a bit more to it, but I'm happy for now.

Thank you so much Fable. Can't wait to flood your DMs with drafts for the next one! :)

Siddartha Alonne 30 Jan 2022 10:49

This was melancholic in such a unique way that I loved. Bittersweet, maybe? Still, lovely even for someone like me who doesn't have familiars in this state.

One thing, though:

"I have won, Gieuseppe."

Correct spelling is "Giuseppe". Though, since it's an old man saying that, it could also be a regional diminutive like "Beppe" or "Giuse' ".

Last edited on 30 Jan 2022 10:49 by Siddartha Alonne Show more

Jak Mockery 04 Mar 2022 12:36

Bittersweet's the feeling I'm going for here!

Thanks for the feedback Siddartha.