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Seeking Greenlights: No
Page Type: Tale
Genre: Drama/Emotional/Creepy and Informational
Page Layout: I plan to make this like a Diary of someone recording their day by day actions through SCP basic training.
Elevator Pitch: A new recruit is inducted into the SCP foundation. They record their experiences in the "basic training". Who they met, how they felt, what they did. Maybe a sub-plot (See scenarios 1-3 below).
Central Narrative: A diary written by a newly inducted recruit into the SCP foundation. It shows their personality, a bit of their past and experiences with the foundation so far. Maybe how their personalities change overtime. I've always imagined 1 of 3 scenarios.
1) The recruits are taken from militaries all over the world and put through a training course for the Foundation. It would start with how they are adjusting to a new military, how they change, and how they feel.
2) The recruits are born into it, they start at birth. A story more about their family life, how it was a build up to being inducted into the SCP military.
3) The recruits are made in a lab and don't know it. They wear masks so they never see each others faces. They don't know their own names. They're "introduced" into the SCP and told that the had memories erased so they couldn't do anything to expose the foundation. At the end of the training course, they're given fake memories about their past. I'm thinking the recruit in this story would find out the truth about themselves and the story would end with their memories being erased and forgetting the truth.
I think all tales could be really good if written correctly.
Hook/Attention-Grabber: I haven't seen many articles that focus on an "accurate" military experience. A diary that brings you along for the ride as this new recruit meets new people and changes.
Additional-Notes: Any feedback is appreciated! Maybe a new perspective on where I could go with this.
CDB
I think this is a great idea, I think scenario #1 would be the most interesting.
Hello! I also had an idea like this too a few months ago (it was more of a reflection on an "ordinary" researcher's experiences). So personally, I see this as a really good opportunity to get another perspective of the Foundation.
There isn’t that much to “critique” right now, since you haven’t decided which path you’ll take. So instead I’ll seed ideas for each of them, to provide some inspiration.
For the first one, this is my personal headcanon. I think it would be very interesting to see a person think that they know what they’re doing, then get the rug pulled out from under them. Imagine, this person knows how to follow orders without question, they are skilled beyond measure, overall they are the best of the best of the best. Then they get a job transfer and start guarding the thing that eats you whole if you take so much as a glance at it, occasionally getting breaks to keep a close eye on the thing that you can never truly think about. I would be absolutely terrified in that situation.
The second one has a big chance to touch on themes of abuse. The Foundation is trying to keep these agents in line. Yes, physical control is likely used. But I could also see guilt and other emotional control methods employed. For instance, if the agents know what their purpose is, the Foundation could lean on the fact that if they’re disobedient or in any way not good enough, hundreds of people could die. The Foundation may not be cruel, but they won’t shy away from using underhanded techniques to get what they want or need.
The third one could have some overlap with SCP-5132. The concept would have to be a little different, but it could work. As is, this could make for an interesting identity crisis. I’m not too sure about the masks and lack of names, it doesn’t mesh well with how agents usually are portrayed. However, lab growing employees definitely feels like something the Foundation would do. I also wonder if this identity crisis could actually be rather common. Like, 1% of agents get a mutation that makes them remember where they come from. So to them it’s the biggest epiphany of their life, but for the doctors it’s just a statistic.
Also, I typed this whole thing out, then wikidot failed to save it, so I’m ever so slightly cross.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment on each story idea!
Yeah I like the first story because I plan to leave little out of the 'main characters' story because that would be easy to place yourself in the story. I recently finished basic training and thought this concept would be interesting.
I find that the theme of abuse would definitely be more psychological than physical (because if I've been taugh anything it's that military is 99% mental and 1% physical, believe me). I'm not sure if I would include talk about family past life before basic or leave it blank, I kinda wanna reserve that ability to place yourself in the story.
SCP-5132 is an interesting read, I also like the idea about that mistake that can happen in 1% of all candidates. The whole point of masks and lack of real names is dehumanize them. I think this element of the basic training will stay in the story. When talking to my CoC during basic, one thing all instructors were how you must dehumanize your enemy to kill them. It's stuff like that in basic you never think about. I would include things like this and all tasks, events, and mentions of weird or abnormal objects would have a purpose. The one problem with the epiphany is the fact that, as far as I'm concerned, amnestics don't fail in most canons of SCP.
I'm trying to go for something kind of realistic if that makes sense. I explained earlier how masks and lack of names help dehumanize potential enemies. There would be training with SCP's and also probably quite a bit of crosslinks. Each point of this story needs a reason to exist. I can't just say 'oh we went to see SCP-blahblahblah, it was so cool'. Everything needs to be some type of lesson or for conditioning the new recruit.
Again, I appreciate the response.
♧◇♡♤ Njord ♤♡◇♧
CDB
I'd do either 1 or 3. Since the diary would be a security risk, you can frame the tale by presenting it as a confiscated good. Of course, you need to make the actual story and narrative compelling.
What story did you have in mind?
Hi Leveritas,
I was actually thinking the exact same thing about it being a confiscated good! If I was going with story 1, I was thinking a day by day diary. How they meet people and they slowly change. They become a little more timid and meek by the end of the story after witnessing the crazy world that is The SCP Foundation. A very important part to me (no matter which story I choose) is having a reason for everything that The Foundation does has a point. Due to this being basic training, there would be quite a bit of mentions of other SCP's (Think TheVolgun SCP lessons but in person, looking and interacting with SCP's through simulations or how to properly contain an SCP. Or maybe not even simulations, I want to bring a realistic story). Overall narrative would be about the character arcs and less about what they're learning (even though that would be a very important part).
If I'm going with story 3, the story wouldn't change much. I think the main thing, it would end with the main protagonist just realizing what they are and where they came from. Or maybe a containment outbreak makes them remember being grown and then sent down a factory line to be given amnestics.
What do you think on these two stories? Do you have an idea in mind for good narratives?
I appreciate the response,
♧◇♡♤ Njord ♤♡◇♧
CDB
A very important part to me (no matter which story I choose) is having a reason for everything that The Foundation does has a point. Due to this being basic training, there would be quite a bit of mentions of other SCP's (Think TheVolgun SCP lessons but in person, looking and interacting with SCP's through simulations or how to properly contain an SCP.
Make sure to keep that within reason; information security on all that. Need-to-know and stuff.
What do you think on these two stories? Do you have an idea in mind for good narratives?
You could do the classic way, just make it really good; like what would assimilation into the Foundation workforce be like? What does it to to you psychologically?
I'll keep those in mind, do you mind if I pm you later and pick your brain?
CDB
The basic concept here is cool, I think there’s a lot of potential in showing this kind of perspective on the Foundation. I think the key is going to be making sure you have a good character ‘voice’, I advise that you get a good idea of who your protagonist is before you start writing.
1) The recruits are taken from militaries all over the world and put through a training course for the Foundation.
This will probably be the easiest to write, and is the one I’d say to go for. It lets you start your protagonist as someone who’s totally unfamiliar with the SCP world, and lets the reader see how they react to finding this stuff out. I also think it gives you the opportunity for a good character arc, as they’re changed by what they experience. E.g. they start out cocky and thinking they can handle anything, then are humbled by the crazy anomalies and such that the Foundation deals with.
2) The recruits are born into it, they start at birth.
This feels a bit harder to believe for me, I feel the first is a more practical and ethical way to recruit. If the Foundation is raising children to be soldiers, that feels pretty evil to me, so if you go this route I’d say maybe make the Foundation the villain.
3) The recruits are made in a lab and don't know it.
This is cool and could make for a good story, but my concern is that it might distract from the story you’re wanting to tell. With this origin, I think it becomes a story more about identity and about these clones figuring out who they are and what they want from life. Which could be a cool story, but doesn’t tie in super well with your original concept of a ‘day in the life’ type narrative around joining the Foundation military.
As for next steps, I’d advise figuring out who your character is, and the specifics of the story you want to tell with them. What’s the emotional journey that the character goes on? What are the experiences they have while training, and how does that affect them? How does the reality of working for the Foundation differ from their expectations?
I appreciate the feedback!
I agree with what you said about the first story, pretty easy and also could be a lot of fun. I think it also shows a bit of comparison to others who just found SCP and haven't been aware of it since it started!
Story two is kind of weak at best in my mind, I was thinking of story about being torn from your family or maybe how the parents were saying "this is completely normal". Think hunger games almost (which follows your idea of making the foundation the villain).
The third story is probably ranked second among the three. If I were to write it, I would tell the same context as the first story but with a twist. Maybe it's more lightly implied that there is a cloning process. I think a bleak ending would fit this story. Kind of like:
"Sir we found his diary after he escaped."
[insert diary story here where the recruit slowly talks about what he is and that stuff]
"Sir what should we do?"
"Take him to the lab, give him class C and F amnestics then send him through again."
^ the short story here is kinda suppose to be like "We're short on resources" type story or at least it would be the implication in my mind.
I appreciate your input and if you don't mind, I'd like to PM you in the future to get more help and pick your brain with this.
♧◇♡♤ Njord ♤♡◇♧
CDB
Hey!
Ok, I think all 3 possible routes to take here are great, and they each have their own pros and cons, so I'll go over each one and tell you what I think:
For #1, I think, as Fireknigh mentioned above me, having someone that has lived through the hardest situations outside the veil and thinks they're the best be introduced to this absolutely insane world could be very engaging and fun to read through. That said, you'd have to know how to make it stand out and not be extremely predictable, as the setup could very easily turn boring if the story is very cliché or predictable.
For #2, this sounds (at least to me) a lot more cult-like, a much stranger/darker tone for this as the children would basically be indoctrinated here. I think this one's got strong potential for evoking feelings of imprisonment/indoctrination and playing with the fact that the Foundation would basically be all these agents have ever known. Now, I don't think this one would work as well in a diary format and may be better told in a different, broader way, so if you're committed to the diary I don't think this is the best choice.
For #3, I think this is an interesting one too, poses cool concepts and great scenes, but, as Crystal mentioned above me, it might detract from the whole "day-in-the-life" thing, and could probably benefit from a broader perspective as opposed to a diary. That said I still think it could work, you'd just have to balance these two themes carefully so that none overshadow the other.
Seeing as most crit you've received has covered similar things, I suggest you take the comments you've gotten and make a concrete choice as to how you'll tell this story so you can continue to flesh it out in detail and receive more focused crit. Hope this helps!
-Phantom out.
Thank you Phantom! Mind if I dm you later to get more opinions on my outcome?
CDB
I think they all have different potentials. But realistically I could all three being used to shore up their MTFs. I mean how many times have SCP's broken out of containment and slaughtered not only security but also the MTF that got them re-contained. I think the SCP Foundation would use all three methods eventually even storing clones in cryostasis as quick ready assembled reinforcements. I think you have a great idea and maybe all three possibly used or referenced in the story to illustrate what the character goes through isn't the only way things are done. Just a thought but good luck good sir.
Review requested via PM:
A diary written by a newly inducted recruit into the SCP foundation. It shows their personality, a bit of their past and experiences with the foundation so far. Maybe how their personalities change overtime.
As far as a basic premise goes, this is serviceable, if not a little generic. I think the thing to keep in mind here is that the onboarding process of one area of the SCP Foundation is going to be incredibly different from the others. The onboarding experience of custodial staff is likely not that of an MTF member. Something to keep in mind as you are writing this.
With respect to the scenarios you have presented, I would say three has the most interesting narrative potential, followed by one, then two.
I haven't seen many articles that focus on an "accurate" military experience. A diary that brings you along for the ride as this new recruit meets new people and changes.
Not to be a drag, but an article written about the SCP Foundation, by the nature of the SCP Foundation, is not going to be an "accurate military experience" either.
Best of luck.
Thank you for your input Jacob!
I think I should elaborate about what I meant by "accurate military experience".
When I mean accurate, I kind of mean explained and detailed. When I've read SCP articles, I'm sure no one (unless with prior knowledge) knows how military operations work. I think the story purpose would be for showing how certain operations or how certain TYPES of SCPs would be accurately contained.
An example might be https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-076. How to properly combat such an SCP that causes harm and is nearly unkillable. How to clear a room, how to lure or set a trap. Things like that would be explained within this story.
I appreciate your response.
♧◇♡♤ Njord ♤♡◇♧
CDB
