The last test log's funny.
SCP-324 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-324.
Hey, Mulciber, are you still around? There's a bit of awkward phrasing in this thing's description, and I'd like to help you clean it up if you're interested.
Okay, that critique got longer than anticipated… whee!
While SCP-324 does not require efforts beyond basic botanical maintenance to thrive
"Basic botanical maintenance" is a bit odd.
A misting system or other remote means of watering should be implemented
could trim this to "An automatic watering system should be implemented" or "A remote watering system should be implemented".
SCP-324 is currently held at Site 23, solarium █, bay ███ under these conditions.
"Under these conditions" is unnecessary (implied by the prior paragraph). Also, it's "Site-23", with a hyphen.
As on-site research staff already has access to specialized botanical testing equipment and methodologies via the containment of SCP-038
Could trim this down to "As Site-23 is a specialized botanical research facility".
SCP-324 is a small, evergreen shrub currently 1.4 meters in height and possessing a complex root system that extends approximately 2.5m below the soil.
"SCP-324 is a small evergreen shrub, currently 1.4 m in height, with a complex root system extending approximately 2.5m below the soil surface."
Leaves are lanceolate, ranging between 4-6cm in width. During the flowering phase, SCP-324 produces small (14-22mm) white flowers with nine (9) petals. Berries produced by SCP-324 are designated SCP-324-1, and appear pinkish-white in color with diameters between nine (9) and fourteen (14) millimeters. Berries are edible, with flavor reported as tart and mildly sweet.
"SCP-324's leaves are lanceolate, 4-6 cm wide. Flowers are 14-22 mm long, with 9 white petals. Fruits produced by SCP-324 are designated SCP-324-1; they are pinkish-white berries between 9 and 14 mm in diameter. SCP-324-1 are edible, with a flavor reported to be [or "described as"] tart and mildly sweet."
Also, "lanceolate" implies that the leaves are at least 2-3x as long as wide, so it's very strange to report only their width. It's also a little odd to describe the leaves in such relatively detailed terms, then pass over other relevant characteristics like the stems, inflorescences, flower shape, non-petal parts of the flower, etc.; it makes this read like a botanist didn't write it. In meta-story terms, that might be what you're going for — even if a botanist did write the containment brief, I could totally see someone else insisting on editing out the technical nitty-gritty — but it did trip me up a little.
(FWIW, I'd have written something like "Leaves of SCP-324-1 are alternate, lance-shaped, 4-6 cm long x 1-2 cm wide. Flowers are white, loosely bell-shaped, with 9 petals and 9 sepals, and borne in loose elongate clusters. Fruits are designated SCP-324-1; they are pinkish-white spheroid berries 9-14 mm in diameter, edible to humans, with a flavor described as tart and slightly sweet," and that's after editing for a non-botanist readership.)
Also also, the photo for this article is readily recognizable as a blueberry or cranberry, albeit a bit 'shopped. As such, you should probably note somewhere whether or not SCP-324 bears any other resemblance to other Vaccinium species, or to other species in the heath family. (It's worth noting that flowers with 9 separate petals, rather than 5 fused into an urn-shaped tube, is already quite unusual for the family.)
…Also also also, the detailed field-guide-style description has me wanting a proper technical illustration to go with this article. If you want one, just let me know — I've got some experience.
SCP-324's flowering and berry-producing phase are apparently only initiated
"…flowering and fruiting phases…"
The mammal must be within range of SCP-324's root system, and been deceased no longer than three (3) days
"…and have been deceased…"
If these conditions are met, the flowering phase will begin within sixteen (16) hours of introduction
"…met, flowering will begin within…"
When eaten, each individual sample of SCP-324-1
"each individual SCP-324-1", because a sample of the fruit could contain more than one berry.
If multiple samples of SCP-324-1 are ingested at one time
"multiple SCP-324-1" or "multiple instances of SCP-324-1"
After this period has elapsed, all samples of SCP-324-1 wither and become inert
"all instances of SCP-324-1"
until another deceased mammal is accessed by the root system.
"until the root system accesses another deceased mammal."
Also, "deceased mammal" is itself slightly odd: "mammalian corpse" or "mammalian carcass", maybe? Unless that's too gruesome for the feel you're aiming to create.
Thank you for taking the time to look through this and apply your expertise. Where applicable, I will look into making some botanical changes. However, some of the things you have seem like suggestions on how to change things to your preferred phrasing/style—I don't see anywhere things are clear as mud, exactly. Thanks again for the feedback. I've always liked this one, and it's sat there among the 300s for ages. It's nice to know someone took the time to read through it so closely. :)
They should experiment on using this with newly deceased field agents as a means of debriefing…
25 kg, rats! That's too much for a mongoose. Guess I'll have to find some other way to get mongoose memories (I'm a fan of mongooses).
Taking the guy into custody and making him a class D personnel seems a bit extreme.
Series I scips were a tad different to what is expected from articles now (and the canon-what-canon).
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Alright, so here we have a plant with memory transfer berries. Now, if I was Johnny Foundation, I'd probably see what can effect the memories being implanted (ie what happens if subjects without memories are used as fuel). The end-all way to make some one forget something in the Foundationverse is SCP-909. As such, I am recommending the following edits:
Changing this:
SCP-324 produces SCP-324-1 for approximately one week regardless of the type or mass of the deceased mammal introduced into its soil. After this period has elapsed, all samples of SCP-324-1 wither and become inert until another deceased mammal is accessed by the root system.
To this:
SCP-324 produces SCP-324-1 for approximately one week regardless of the type or mass of the deceased mammal introduced into its soil. After this period has elapsed, all samples of SCP-324-1 wither and become inert until another deceased mammal is accessed by the root system. Animals incapable of creating memories or lacking memories of their own, such as subjects of SCP-909, likewise produce inert samples of SCP-324-1.
If anyone has other/better examples that could be used here please leave a comment saying so!
Image is owned by Bylands Nursery and is assumed copyrighted due to a lack of a CC license. As such, it has since been removed.
Considering the owner of the bush was exploiting it and the families' grief, it was probably safer for him to be a D-class -I'm honestly surprised that apparently no one had assaulted him yet for charging them for access to their family member's memories!
I'm also surprised it hadn't been stolen. Heck, you know what Marshall, Carter, & Dark would pay to get their hands on an instance?
I was thinking "Parrots [African Greys] are too small… they should try it with a dolphin." Then there it was! :) Doesn't sound like a SCP-3932-Δ instance, though.
(I know this is an early article, but that doesn't mean MC&D and -Δ instances weren't around at the time in the Foundation 'verses. /humor)
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
