I recently found this comment again and actually would like to revisit it because it is far too harsh for my standards and simply not as helpful of a critique as it could be.
I will state that I do still think a lot of the above- the format screw isn't serving your narrative very well here and is largely making it rather confusing as to what's going on. I can tell there's at least two distinct character voices here, but it isn't clear exactly who they are or what their goal is. Likewise the anomaly doesn't feel like it adds much to this work, feeling more like a footnote rather than a central element.
Now I am going to praise the tone you establish here. I do believe that's rather successful- I can definitely tell what emotion you wanted us as readers to come away with and there's little bits of choppier dialogue that actually help punctuate that tone. It's consistent, and honestly the best part of this article.
My vote still stands, but I do feel like you deserve better critique from me than you were given prior.
(account deleted)
