SCP-5846 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5846.

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Author Post

Tstaffor 28 Aug 2021 04:18

This was the first thing I ever wrote. I came back to the (horrible) draft and revamped it with some new fancy CSS I know now.

This started out mostly as a dumping ground for tons of anomalous store ideas I've had but over time I was able to mould them into a coherent narrative that seems to be getting through to people!

Thanks to Grigori Karpin for crit!
I started this before I really marked who was giving me critique so if you gave me advice on this please let me know and I'll add you.

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Look at my podcaaaaaaaast!!! It's about SCP :)
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-scip-squad-podcast-hub

Last edited on 28 Aug 2021 22:15 by Tstaffor Show more

Re: Author Post

GremlinWC 29 Aug 2021 17:09

I mean, you managed to make an article with 30 upvotes and 0 downvotes so far, and ive never seen an article with 0 downvotes, so that's extremely impressive. Good job

Re: Author Post

winkwonkboi 16 Oct 2021 13:38

Lets make that 50 upvotes lol

+1

EmperorRaccoon 28 Aug 2021 12:44

This is amazing. I love the concept and the way you played it out. Your characterisation of both the store and agent Taylor was great. And the bits about mini golf and the funeral parlor made me chuckle. This was a great read.

Edit: Nvm I'm an idiot

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Raccoon Noise

Last edited on 28 Aug 2021 23:40 by EmperorRaccoon Show more

+1

AvocadoMilk 28 Aug 2021 15:57

Another amazing article, I really enjoyed reading this.

Re: +1

EmperorRaccoon 28 Aug 2021 21:59

Hmm, that comment sounds awfully familiar.

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Raccoon Noise

alexpine 28 Aug 2021 21:13

Loved this in draft, love this now. As someone who loves minigolf, would love to play SCP-5846-2-7.

I do wish you made it more clear that the possessives were screwing with things, because I just thought Susan's and Pete's were weird but within-anomaly acceptable levels of weird

+1

Last edited on 29 Aug 2021 02:14 by alexpine Show more

Tstaffor 29 Aug 2021 04:50

I was definitely having some trouble showing their danger without making it so dangerous that the Foundation would stop tests altogether before finding out the cause later.

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Look at my podcaaaaaaaast!!! It's about SCP :)
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-scip-squad-podcast-hub

lavenderbloodstains 29 Aug 2021 04:33

fuckin weird. i love it

+1

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Despite all my rage… I am still a bacteriophage.

+1

PFFFT 29 Aug 2021 22:35

wholehearted +1 for nice ending + very interesting anomaly overall too

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o7

Dysadron 01 Sep 2021 16:56

Between this and the food court article, you obviously have a certain level of skill for linguistic turns. The possessive twist is really clever, and wordplay such as Ghoti/Goatee is something I personally find quite difficult to come up with.

I think the overall narrative could be tightened a bit — for example, the golf store didn't do much for me. Agent Saylor stated he was "Excited to get a great beach bod just in time for fall!" initially read as a bit stilted, before its reveal as a "last day before retirement" trope. A line at the start of the exp. logs stating that Saylor would be the primary initial tester wouldn't have gone amiss. Personal preference, the header at the top of the page looks a tad bare — a horizontal line between ACS and conproc could help. Overall though, it's a great job. Will have a think on what to add to the Experiment Log :)

Tstaffor 01 Sep 2021 23:23

Thank you! I was super nervous about whether the Ghoti store would work but it seems like it came across.

I mainly added the minigolf to give Saylor some more humanity just showing him hanging out with his fellow Agents. The note on adding a note about Agent Saylor being the main tester is a good idea. I had him be the one to figure out how to interact with Susan's Selections as a way to show him being experienced enough to continue the rest of the tests but maybe adding a note after that mentioning he's now project lead could be good.

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Look at my podcaaaaaaaast!!! It's about SCP :)
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-scip-squad-podcast-hub

OriTiefling 18 Sep 2021 00:22

I've always been a fan of "table" style SCPs that give a list of weird shit. +1

TL333s 16 Oct 2021 13:34

The logs really make this, it's a lot of fun.

Which is why I was not expecting the story to take the turn that it did! :O

So will putting up the same name twice recreate the same instance of -2? +1

Maxyfran73 05 Nov 2021 03:08

Ha, I like this one. It's clever and stuff like the ghoti one has such interesting linguistic gymnastics it's honestly rad to see. I also liked the twist and how reading back you see how the possessive names were a tad 'off' compared to the rest.

Overall, this was a really neat read. +1~

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