A Husband's Absence / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Husband's Absence.

First article

Comrade Waldo 11 Jul 2021 20:57

So, the first tale, huh? I never really thought this was going to be my first article but I enjoyed the trip. Of course, I want to thank the following critters for taking their time to check my draft:
Supposedly Spooky, wagyusteak, CountAbra, gleem64, Tstaffor, RoninTortoise, and many others that for a reason or another I won't mention but I appreciate their help. I also want to thank Maxonymous for the creation of Ad Absentia for being a major inspiration to my article.

Also, this is just the start for a 'series' if I can call it that with my own storyline and characters. So yeah, more to come from me. This is just the start.

Thank you for reading!

Last edited on 12 Jul 2021 05:48 by Comrade Waldo Show more

Re: First article

Tstaffor 12 Jul 2021 01:55

Happy to have helped! The perspective being from the spouse of a Foundation Researcher is a really interesting point of view and I'm surprised it took this long for someone to write a tale about it.
Nice job! +1

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Last edited on 12 Jul 2021 01:55 by Tstaffor Show more

Re: First article

gleem64 12 Jul 2021 05:29

Congratulations man! Happy to have helped! This was an absolute pleasure to read!

Truc Linh 12 Aug 2021 18:37

Hiya! I noticed a few minor SPaG errors, but it was barely enough to affect the quality of the tale. I think the main thing here holding down the tale for me was that it was obvious Maxwell worked for the SCP Foundation. Because of that, I already had an understanding of why he acted the way he was, and it made it incredibly hard to focus on the main character’s (Maxwell’s spouse) frustration towards him. I personally feel like the tale could’ve had a bigger impact if it was written from Maxwell’s perspective (still focusing on the relationship) since it would better enhance emotional investment from readers into his character, especially since most of your readers have an understanding of how the Foundation operates.

I just feel like it would be more effective to get readers to understand Maxwell’s perspective over the main character’s perspective since there’s already an understanding established for Maxwell’s behavior/actions. Plus, it’s much harder for me here to get emotionally invested in the current main character. Again, that’s really just the main thing that held down the tale for me. There was definitely enough emotional impact for me at the end to at least give an upboop. It’s a well-written tale; however, I definitely think it could be much better. That's just my opinion, though. Apologies if I was harsh!

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This Life Is Mine

Comrade Waldo 12 Aug 2021 18:56

Hey there!

First of all, thank you for the feedback. Don't worry about the harshness, I think that it's fair the critique that you just suggested to me and I'm grateful for it. To an extent, I do agree that the tale could've gotten either way (Maxwell or the protagonist, her name is Nora) but like you said: most readers already have an understanding of how the Foundation operates. In my opinion, we don't see too much (or at least I haven't) of the perspective of close relatives of Foundation members, which is why I decided to take this perspective rather than Maxwell's.

I do agree with Maxwell's lack of perspective on the tale, but that was something I had in mind and I plan to use this as a first step to establish his character in future articles (one that I'm working on at the moment). So you can expect that if you're interested!

Again, thanks a lot for your words and I'll take everything you said for future works of mine.