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Seeking Greenlights: Yes [1/2]
Page Type: SCP Article
Genre (Optional): Lovecraftian
Page Layout (Optional): containment procedures, description, experiment logs, and interview logs
Elevator Pitch: An alien and cosmic being that's sealed within a calculator. The CPU absorbs the monster's power letting it divide numbers by 0. The creature is a Lovecraftian-inspired monster with unfathomable power over physics (suppressed by the calculator). The creature possesses psychic capabilities (an innate ability) that aren't overly restricted by the calculator. Because of its incredibly powerful psychic abilities, it can psychologically harm an individual it communicates with (send/take information), so the Foundation uses D-Class subjects to communicate with it. Those who survive without lasting effects speak euphorically or with intense trembling or stuttering (crippled mental health is common). There have been two unusual cases with D-class personnel. One's head exploded, and the other speaks of himself as a "prophet" after he survived with little to no harmful effects after conversing with the entity.
The answer to any number divided by 0 is a visual cognitohazard/memetic agent. When it activates, the subject would begin to understand and create mathematical and physics concepts that they never had any knowledge about. The more the person is knowledgeable in physics and/or mathematics, the more complex and nonsensical their ideas are. Their mental health and memory will deteriorate until they undergo brain death.
Central Narrative: The calculator was discovered after a social media post of it dividing by 0. The Foundation believed the calculator's CPU was anomalous (because of the ability to divide by zero). The notion of a creature inside came later when it began communicating with researchers, and the ones that survived were interviewed. Experiments (letting people view numbers divided by 0) and interview logs will give detail into the creature. The "prophet" would be exposed heavily to the entity to communicate and understand its intentions. The interviews will imply that the creature is most likely egotistical with the way he communicates with the subjects. It would later be learned that it is of a race that strictly condones observing civilizations. However, the entity's interference with our civilisation would prompt an incident where an individual of the entity's species would come down to Earth to teach it a lesson.
Hook/Attention-Grabber: Dividing by 0 is impossible, and an egotistical Lovecraftian monster are the hooks for my concept.
Additional Notes: I've revised this idea with new information after some crits. Please read some of my replies because I couldn't add all of the narrative's detail due to the 400-word rule.
Heya!
Central Narrative:
This seems to be standard thing that makes those around it go crazy. What more is there to it? Where is the owner from? Who is the owner? Where did he find the calculator? How did the operator die?
What output does the calculator show for a division by 0? How does that show up on the feed? Does it cause any psychological or physical harm to the viewer?
The experiments and interview logs will give detail into the creature and the "prophet" would be exposed heavily to the entity due to communicate and understand its intentions.
What are those details? What experiments are there? Who is being interviewed? What does 'prophet' mean in this context?
Overall, I like the concept of an anomalous eldritch calculator being able to divide by zero, but there isn't a lot of narrative and sustenance to your piece as it is.
Hope this helps!
P.S. Feel free to PM me or find me on IRC if you respond to my post. I don't get a notification otherwise. Be sure to include a link to your thread in the PM.
There is a lot of information in this collapsible and I hope they answer your questions, please give me your opinion on it :D
This seems to be standard thing that makes those around it go crazy. What more is there to it? Where is the owner from? Who is the owner? Where did he find the calculator? How did the operator die?
I'm not going to go in-depth into the actual creator of the calculator because the calculator was found in a dollar store. I want to keep that aspect a bit mysterious without explaining and leave it up to the reader's imagination.
About the creature, it doesn't want to make people go crazy. This is merely the creature trying to communicate with humans (and the ones with weak mental capabilities are affected the worst by the creature). It knows how weak its power is within the calculator and wishes to communicate with any worthless sentient being capable of helping it free itself (the Foundation obviously would not help it but it understands they are more knowledgeable than any other clueless civilians.
The Foundation operative died from shock when the creature tried communicating with him because it understood that operative wanted retrieve it. Normally, it wouldn't try because it knew that most humans were too mentally weak to be successfully communicated with (most of the time), but it understood through its psychic capabilities that the operative was looking for it. Thus, the operative died…
What output does the calculator show for a division by 0? How does that show up on the feed? Does it cause any psychological or physical harm to the viewer?
The answer to any number divided by 0 is a visual cognitohazard/memetic agent (the nature of this answer is beyond describability which is possibly an anomalous effect). It immediately embeds itself within the person's mind and activates after a certain time period based on their mental capabilities. When it activates, the subject would begin understand and create mathematical and physics concepts that they never had any knowledge about. This knowledge is not anomalously injected into the subject's head. Subjects use the answers to numbers divided by 0 to explain reality by piecing together strange theorems/rules/concepts within the answer itself. The more the person is knowledgeable on physics and/or mathematics, the more complex and nonsensical the ideas they have are. The amount of time passed since the activation of the agent will determine the subject's psychological health and sanity. The first week or two would go fine, but after that the subject will begin to forget many things as their mind gets consumed by the information they deciphered from the agent. This forgetfulness will continue until the subject undergoes brain death with the overwhelming information. I would also like to change what happened to the man who bought the calculator from the dollar store. He didn't kill himself but instead was found writing his "theory of observable reality" (it was later discovered that the person was a hobbyist physicist). Amnestics can be administered to subjects to remove the agent from a person's head, this is however only effective if the agent activated within 48 hours of administering the drug (this is when memory loss begins).
What are those details? What experiments are there? Who is being interviewed? What does 'prophet' mean in this context?
Most of the experiments conducted by the Foundation involve finding out the extent of its powers. Normally, the entity's abilities would seem god-like, but because it was trapped in calculator, it only abilities are to communicate (send\take information from minds) with creatures (preferably intelligent) within a large radial vicinity and some telekinesis (within a low radial vicinity). Its telekinesis was later discovered after it kept that ability hidden from the Foundation. Other experiments include exposing D-class to the calculator. All personnel that are targeted and survive without lasting effects will be interviewed about creature and anything it might want to convey to the Foundation. As I have said earlier, there have two been incidents during testing. A subject's head exploded during exposure and the other survived with little to none effects. The subject that survived henceforth declared himself as the entity's "messenger" and "prophet". This subject would request "an audience" with the creature whenever he felt like it. This subject was a great help for the Foundation as the they never seemed suffer from exposure like all other subjects and the need for other D-class personnel was greatly reduced and information relayed was much more detailed and clear. The entity also realizes that the subject possess the perfect capabilities to act a catalyst. It would plot to use the subject as a means to escape (the subject was also in on this even when they would be killed in the process). The Foundation would learn of this after the subject's accidental slip up. The subject would thus be prevented from coming into contact with the creature again. I'm thinking the Foundation would also stop trying learn anything from the entity after this incident because the risk of a breach and a possible CK-Class Restructuring Scenario, XK-Class End-of-the-World Scenario or ZK-Class Reality Failure Scenario is likely if the creature had lied about its intentions.
Another experiment conducted is to show a D-class subject with a background of a mathematician and/or physicist (or another job with similar required skills) images (taken by a robot) of numbers 1 to 10 (more numbers can be shown with authorisation) divided by 0. The subject is then told record all their ideas on paper or any other form when the memetic agent activates (anything that involves recording ideas shall be supplied on request). The subject will continue to record their idea(s) and eat/drink/sleep until they forget how to read or write, at which point they'll be terminated humanely.
Heya! I got your PM!
[…]communicate with any worthless sentient being capable[…]
What do you mean by worthless?
[…]through its psychic capabilities that[…]
I might have missed something, the anomaly also has psychic capabilities? It has the power to read the minds of sapient creatures around it?
[…]this answer is beyond describability[…]
My suggestion is to try your best as an author to describe it. Consider how the anomaly would feel to an observer and what synonyms exist that could fit the description better. Consider how the anomaly would smell, taste, feel, etc… I know you're just describing what dividing something by zero would be (which is visual), but that's kind of the point. Dividing by zero breaks physics, so break away from standard descriptions.
In a way your proposed SCP reminds me of another SCP about a mentally simulated universe. This is only in passing though, and I suggest this SCP as a good read regardless.
Mind you, me bringing up another SCP that did something similar does not by all means mean you can't write your SCP. Nothing under the sun is new, and you are a different person with different experiences writing your piece.
A subject's head exploded during exposure and the other survived with little to none effects.
I think I missed something, because I didn't see this before. This is incredibly powerful imagery and I love it!
[…]of numbers 1 to 10 (more numbers can be shown with authorisation) divided by 0.
Oh I really like this! I can see this being done in a table!
Tell me in two sentences the narrative of your story.
P.S. Feel free to PM me or find me on IRC if you respond to my post. I don't get a notification otherwise. Be sure to include a link to your thread in the PM.
Tell me in two sentences the narrative of your story.
I want my narrative to focus mainly on the interviews of D-class subjects (who had been given questions to ask the entity) that are used to communicate with the entity and the two incidents which occurred during tests. The "prophet" plays the bulk of this narrative with his interview logs (until eventually he slips up). I hope this narrative is adequate enough to make my idea a good read.
What do you mean by worthless?
I just used that phrase to show how much of a pitiful state the entity is in when trapped within the calculator compared to its prime. It's like that phrase about not caring about ants you might step on but not going and actively try to step on them all the time. But now, the entity has no choice but to cooperate with the Foundation.
the anomaly also has psychic capabilities?
Yes, this is an ability (along with some telekinesis) that entity is not restricted from within the calculator. This allows it to communicate and also have an vague idea about things that are strongly on the mind of a person at the time. This is how it knew the operative was looking for the calculator and attempted communicating with it.
My suggestion is to try your best as an author to describe it.
Thank for this piece of advice! I think I want the subject to feel a sense of awe and 'wtf' when first viewing it. It's like that feeling of existentialism you might feel when you look at a picture of the galaxy and just realize you are all but a dust particle compared to it all (you get it?). The subject may also experience some chills. I don't want to describe this in a way that makes it seem disconnected to the rest of the idea so please tell me your opinion on it and if you think I should add something to it.
Oh I really like this! I can see this being done in a table!
I didn't really think of something like that. I was going for a more addendum type log. Thank you for the idea :D
Heya!
[…]used to communicate with the entity and the two incidents which occurred during tests.
What questions are asked? What are the two incidents that happen?
The "prophet" plays the bulk of this narrative with his interview logs (until eventually he slips up).
What role does the prophet play? What happens in his interview log? What do you mean by he slips up?
[…]you look at a picture of the galaxy and just realize you are all but a dust particle compared to it all (you get it?).
I sure do! "[…]we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky." The sense of dread, the feeling of being very very small, the Overview Effect, the awe, the wonder, the exotic tones of the alienness of the universe, and on a personal note, when I look up at the nightsky I get vertigo and the sensation that I'm "falling up". I get the sensation that gravity reversed itself.
Describing these types of things is hard to chew on, but I feel its important to describe some of it, even if you're describing the absence of something, or describing the space around it, etc.
Gonna pull from some of Mooagain's crit:
10:08 <Mooagain> I just think the focus of the story should be more on the character behind the calculator, not the calculator itself
I feel that this comment also falls under me encouraging you to try to describe the indescribable. The cognitive effects of the x/0 output can be related in the characterisation of your anomaly itself and vice versa.
A small suggestion for the ending, maybe end with another of its species showing up and putting it in its place? That could be a nice punchline if you go that route.
I really like Mooagain's suggestion.
Hey, I'd like thank you so much for being so dedicated to reviewing my concept so much! It really helps! Also, I've revised the post a little bit so please re-read it to get the updated narrative (there's not that much change really).
What questions are asked? What are the two incidents that happen?
The Foundation would start with a lot of simple and vague questions like its intentions, abilities, nature and other similar questions. Later, these questions can become more complex such as why its is in calculator, why should the Foundation aid its escape (the entity always requests help getting out), why did that D-Class's head explode, etc.
Ok, maybe I shouldn't describe them as incidents . I think "anomalous results" is the word. They are the "prophet", that wasn't affected as negatively as every other D-Class, and the one who's head exploded. Through an interview, the entity merely said the subject had angered it. It didn't seem to go into much detail.
What role does the prophet play? What happens in his interview log? What do you mean by he slips up?
Because the Foundation doesn't want to just waste D-Class personnel just to communicate with the entity, the "prophet" is used heavily because they relayed more concise and detailed information. After the interviews of random D-Class, the "prophet" will be used a lot. Because of the plot to escape by using the "prophet" the exploit a loophole and how he trapped (by exploiting a loophole where it'll still be contained inside something, the 'prophet', but have the ability to destroy the vessel, thus escaping). By slipping up I mean the "prophet" accidentally implied of the entity's plot during an interview. The Foundation would then immediately cease utilising the "prophet" and contact with the entity until further notice (this will be the end of the article).
its important to describe some of it
I'll try my best to describe it through interview logs and the impression it may leave on subjects. Thank you for the advice!
I'd also like to ask if you think the concept is ready for a greenlight.
Hey again!
Who is the prophet though? Why is the Foundation using the prophet? How are they using the prophet? What's the prophet's plan of escape? What is the loophole?
I'd also like to ask if you think the concept is ready for a greenlight.
My apologies, but not at the moment. I feel your piece needs to be workshopped more as the narrative and plot don't feel fleshed out.
Who is the prophet though?
I don't plan to make him someone special. He's just one of the random D-Class that the Foundation has.
Why is the Foundation using the prophet?
Now, the Foundation doesn't really like using a lot of D-Class that become unusable (right?). This is why the "prophet" is used to communicate with the entity.
What's the prophet's plan of escape? What is the loophole?
The entity realizes that it could use a loophole to to escape the calculator. The calculator contains the creature by absorbing it (why it can divide by 0) continually preventing it from destroying the calculator. But if the creature uses the D-Class as a catalyst and conditions them to be inhabited. Now the human body has no capabilities of absorbing the creature, thus it can destroy the body to be released.
Now please note, that I won't be going into these nuances in the article, because the Foundation is obviously not all-knowing.
Edit: Now that I think about it, do you think I should exclude everything to do with the "prophet" in this concept. Is it unnecessary and/or complicated for this idea?
Heya! Sorry for the late response!
[…]using a lot of D-Class that become unusable (right?).
I don't know what you mean?
This is why the "prophet" is used to communicate with the entity.
So a D-Class is selected to be the assigned communicator with the anomaly?
[…]D-Class as a catalyst and conditions them to be inhabited.
I like the sound of this. What more can you tell me about the conditioning and how is the conditioned inhabited? What happens to the D-Class? How do they feel about this? Do the researchers notice the conditioning and go along with it to observe it? Or are they unaware? Further more, what happens once the D-Class is inhabited? How does the anomaly break free?
Edit: Now that I think about it, do you think I should exclude everything to do with the "prophet" in this concept. Is it unnecessary and/or complicated for this idea?
At the moment it's complicated. If you're only using the term in this instance to mean the D-Class assigned to the anomaly, then it's important. As is, it's confusing.
And as always, PM me if you respond to my post!
At the moment it's complicated. If you're only using the term in this instance to mean the D-Class assigned to the anomaly, then it's important. As is, it's confusing.
I see. Everyone seems to get confused over it, so I kinda thought about removing it from the idea altogether. Thank you! I'll try my best to explain him through your questions.
I don't know what you mean?
I'm not sure exactly where, but I read somewhere that the Foundation doesn't like throwing a limitless amount of D-Class at a scip when its likely that the scip can kill them. The 'prophet' is used continuously (after its introduction) because the Foundation doesn't want to use too much D-Class just to communicate the entity when they could easily contain it. This is how I would like to introduce the character
So a D-Class is selected to be the assigned communicator with the anomaly?
Yep! this exactly what I want to go for in my concept.
What more can you tell me about the conditioning and how is the conditioned inhabited?
This conditioning process involves a lot of exposure (when the 'prophet' is sent to communicate) and is only possible for people who are relatively unharmed by the scip's telepathy. It involves shaping them to fit the entity into it (its kind is incorporeal, here is an image I made) and act a vessel. Now, I'm not gonna go in-depth cuz this stuff is beyond what the Foundation would know.
What happens to the D-Class?
Nothing outwardly, would be different about the D-Class. But things like their cognitive functions and other mental capabilities would greatly increase.
How do they feel about this?
The D-Class is going along with this plan because of the creature's Lovecraftian nature (basically makes the D-Class worship the creature because of its psychic influence and constant exposure).
Do the researchers notice the conditioning and go along with it to observe it? Or are they unaware?
The researchers quickly run tests on the D-Class when he came out ok after his first time communicating with the entity. Nothing different previously was noticed, but after some more times communicating with the scip the researchers began notice these almost positive effects on the 'prophet'. After some debate, they allowed the D-Class's use to be continued thinking this positive effect was merely the side-effect that replaced the normal consequences.
Further more, what happens once the D-Class is inhabited? How does the anomaly break free?
While this never happens in the article I'll give you a run down. When fully inhabited, the entity will have full control of the body (no regenerative abilities or something like that, more like being able to go past the normal capabilities of the human body like to purposely break joints, unnaturally exert the body even anaerobic respiration, manipulating the body even when its so badly damaged that it wouldn't be physically possible, etc.). To escape, the entity would just obliterate the body to be released, killing the subject.
Hi! (Summoned by Wikidot PM)
So, right off the bat, I think the idea of an anomalous calculator that can divide by zero is pretty interesting, plus, your explanation of the 0 division result being a memetic hazard could lead to a very interesting story.
The main problem I have with this concept, however, is the relation between the lovecraftian monster and the calculator. Why a calculator? Couldn't it just have been a PC? An abacus? What about this calculator is special? Can any calculator absorb lovecraftian math-monsters?
Next, how did the monster get trapped in the calculator in the first place? Plus, how is the calculator using its power? How does a simple calculator contain a monster?
As for the narrative, at this point it isn't really a narrative, you have a basic idea and some main plot points of what you want to do with the story, but nothing else. Who are our characters? What is your main conflict? What is the ending or end goal you have planned?
Another issue I see is that you have a whole lot of stuff planned for this skip, you mention a social media post, a Foundation raid to retrieve the calculator, a "prophet" which communicates with the entity, tests to find out the capabilities of the monster, K-Class scenarios, tests with physicians and mathematicians, etc. I feel like this is way too much, you should pick a story you want to develop and go in-depth with it. Otherwise you run the risk of the story being all over the place and it feeling disconnected.
I think the idea of the "prophet" is a bit cliché and deviates from the calculator-monster theme of the rest of the article. Plus, in your response to FairyDoctor, you mention this whole barrage of abilities and properties, eventually ending with a K-Class scenario. This could very easily end up being an X-Man syndrome skip, or end up being yet another overpowered entity. You need to be careful on how you develop this concept so you don't end up in any of those pitfalls.
That's all I got, hope this helps!
-Phantom out.
Thanks a lot for your crit. While I'm still working on the details, your review helped me understand where I think my idea needs a lot of work in! Thanks for the help!
Why a calculator? Couldn't it just have been a PC? An abacus? What about this calculator is special? Can any calculator absorb lovecraftian math-monsters?
To be frank, I have no answer to that question. In my headcanon (I most likely won't add any of this to the document), I'd say some reality bender trapped it inside the calculator which he had with him (possible student?). This would more or less be why the entity never converses about how it got inside that calculator because of the embarrassment of its façade of as a god just being ripped apart when it let its guard down against a simple cosmic meatbag.
how is the calculator using its power?
Because of the whole reality fuckery that the reality bender used to trap it inside, the CPU of the calculator prevents and suppresses the creature by absorbing it (never kills it though because the reality bender themselves probably couldn't do it either) and its power.
All and all, I don't want to answer these questions in the article because of the entity's stubbornness. And the Foundation is not some all-knowing organization, so leaving these as a mystery to the reader seems a bit more immersive in my opinion. If you think otherwise please do tell me as, like I've said, I'm a new writer with little to no experience.
it isn't really a narrative, you have a basic idea and some main plot points of what you want to do with the story, but nothing else. Who are our characters? What is your main conflict? What is the ending or end goal you have planned?
The narrative I want to follow are the interview logs and how the creature deals with each of them. Because the creature can only speak psychically (with a high chance of the death of the subject), the Foundation never sends anyone other than D-Class personnel to it. The D-Class would be sent in most time with questions (memorised) to ask. They would begin with creatures intentions, nature, abilities, and other questions related to the entity itself. Then more complicated questions such as why he is in calculator, why should the Foundation aid its escape, etc. would play the role as questions to the entity. They will communicate back and forth using subjects until coming across the subject which doesn't from any of the entity's effects. The subject would still slightly cookoo with sheer awe (thus beginning to call himself the 'prophet' because unlike all the other D-Class, he can see the sheer infinite depth of the creature's abilities). The creature begins to understand that a lifeform which can withstand its presence is a potential catalyst to help it get out (by exploiting a loophole where it'll still be contained inside something, the 'prophet', but have the ability to destroy the vessel because it hadn't been enhanced to contain it, thus escaping). The subject was in on this, but because of his cookooness he kinda slipped up to the Foundation (very implicitly through logs). The Foundation would most likely terminate the subject (not yet decided if I want to let him have a future). The Foundation would most definitely cease sending subjects to the entity's psychic vicinity because they had come so close to a containment with possible K-Class events as a consequence.
I don't want to name any characters or anything as of the moment cause I'd hate for this to fail as a concept while I'm attached to it.
you mention a social media post, a Foundation raid to retrieve the calculator, a "prophet" which communicates with the entity, tests to find out the capabilities of the monster, K-Class scenarios, tests with physicians and mathematicians, etc. I feel like this is way too much, you should pick a story you want to develop and go in-depth with it. Otherwise you run the risk of the story being all over the place and it feeling disconnected.
I'll try to put most of these background information (or remove them altogether) when I write the draft. Like I said, the interview logs are what I want to focus on most so I guess I answered your question right there.
I think the idea of the "prophet" is a bit cliché and deviates from the calculator-monster theme of the rest of the article.
I'll admit, even I thought the 'prophet' idea was a bit cliché when developing the idea. I couldn't think of any other method of building the narrative without tons of D-Class, so I just went with the 'prophet' idea. Please note that this character is not some actual 'prophet' of sorts. This is just his cookoo acting up and the incomprehensible aspect of the Lovecraftian genre where cults and stuff are prevalent towards a god-like monster.
This could very easily end up being an X-Man syndrome.
I read about this in the humanoid section of the How-to-write-an-SCP article. But in my opinion, the whole point of a Lovecraftian monster is to be god-like compared puny humans. I also tried to avoid this by making this creature unrelated to humans basically making it an alien and cosmic anomaly. Also note that the K-Class scenarios are also just a possibility. The creature might not even care about wiping out humanity and simply leave into the empty abyss of space to meet its family or something. The Foundation obviously wouldn't care though, a threat is a threat and even the possibility is dangerous in itself.
Thanks a lot for helping me with the critique though. It helps develop my idea further when I didn't probably think of the questions someone else might ask :D
Hi! (Summoned by Wikidot PM once more)
Alright! I like where this is going! I think you have a pretty decent idea of what you want to develop, there are still, however, some issues and questions I have regarding your concept.
To be frank, I have no answer to that question. In my headcanon (I most likely won't add any of this to the document), I'd say some reality bender trapped it inside the calculator which he had with him (possible student?). / Because of the whole reality fuckery that the reality bender used to trap it inside, the CPU of the calculator prevents and suppresses the creature by absorbing it (never kills it though because the reality bender themselves probably couldn't do it either) and its power.
I think this is a pretty good backstory! There are a few issues I have with it though, first, you introduce this new character, the reality bender, while I do think it's a pretty good way to get the entity in, you kinda just plop him in to the concept without a proper character introduction (i.e story, motives, goals, etc) this makes it seem like it's just an afterthought used to justify the absorption.
The next problem is that you say you don't plan on mentioning these things, and would rather keep it a mystery. This is fine, however this idea working is entirely dependent on your execution, if you actually give hints and subtly set up this mystery, then it will turn out great! However, if you simply avoid any mention of it, it will look as if you simply didn't think of a reason for these events happening and that the mystery is nonexistent.
As for your narrative, I think focusing on just your logs and the story told through them is the right call, you can focus a lot more on developing your characters that way. As for the "prophet", I think the concept you're looking for is more of a "vessel". A way for the monster to transmit its thoughts and plans through someone else. The problem this poses, however, is that it can dehumanize the monster, making it feel distant from the rest of the story. Something to keep in mind for the future.
Last thing, you mention multiple times the possible K-Class events this monster could cause, however you also mention that they are just a possibility. So, will you use this "possibility" aspect to play into the fear this monster causes on others? Will the events actually happen? Will they not happen at all? Remember that, in writing, something almost happening is practically the same as it not happening at all1
That's all I got for now, do let me know if you reply to this! Overall I like where this is going!
Hope this helps!
-Phantom out.
Hi! Sorry for the incredibly late reply. I've had a busy week and was unable to respond. Hope you're still able to crit!
if you actually give hints and subtly set up this mystery, then it will turn out great! However, if you simply avoid any mention of it, it will look as if you simply didn't think of a reason for these events happening and that the mystery is nonexistent.
That was exactly what I am thinking of doing. Are there any tips you are able to make?
it can dehumanize the monster, making it feel distant from the rest of the story. Something to keep in mind for the future.
Could you explain what you mean by this? I'd like to remind you that the scip us unable to communicate directly with the Foundation because of its nature. Everything from its personality and nature is all illustrated through D-Class sent to communicate with it.
Will the events actually happen? Will they not happen at all? Remember that, in writing, something almost happening is practically the same as it not happening at all
They will not. This is meant to be a small side theory that researchers assigned to the scip made because we really have no clue of knowing the goals of a cosmic entity that possess unfathomable power to the eyes of a human being.
Unless you use this "possibility" to further the themes and narrative of your article
I've actually not thought of that. Because this is just a theory and all, do you think this would still work?
PLACEHOLDER: Summoned by Wikidot PM once more, will crit ASAP
Hi again!
Right, let's get to the crit:
That was exactly what I am thinking of doing. Are there any tips you are able to make?
Could you explain what you mean by this? I'd like to remind you that the scip us unable to communicate directly with the Foundation because of its nature. Everything from its personality and nature is all illustrated through D-Class sent to communicate with it.
They will not. This is meant to be a small side theory that researchers assigned to the scip made because we really have no clue of knowing the goals of a cosmic entity that possess unfathomable power to the eyes of a human being. / I've actually not thought of that. Because this is just a theory and all, do you think this would still work?
-You could have it be a character motivator for the assigned researchers working on the skip.
-You could use it as a ticking time bomb to add urgency and tension to your narrative.
-You could use it as a "story pusher", meaning that the threat of this event is the main issue your characters have to deal with.
There are many more options, but these are just the ones I can think of right now.
That's all I got, hope this helps! (Do let me know if you reply to this and want me to give further crit)
-Phantom out.
Here from IRC
09:32 <Mooagain> In the central narrative block you spend about half of it describing hwo they found the anomaly, I'm asking you how that's relevant to the interview parts
09:34 <jack_waltz> Oh sorry, its mainly not relevant to SCP.
09:34 <Mooagain> Then why bother writing it at all?
09:34 <jack_waltz> Because of the 400 word rule I didn't put that the parts I was supposed to I guess
09:35 <Mooagain> Right now your concept is kind of all over the place, I'd try to pair it down a bit to only include the important information
09:35 <jack_waltz> If it's not trouble to you, would you be able to read my replies to comments?
09:35 <jack_waltz> I'm sorry for the trouble
09:36 <Mooagain> They're a little wordy but I'll look for answers to my questions
09:37 <jack_waltz> Thank you!
09:40 <Mooagain> So yeah I still don't see a reason for the discovery being a part of the story at all
09:41 <jack_waltz> sorry
09:42 <jack_waltz> i dont want it to take aany part of the article
09:42 <Mooagain> You should probably cut it from the idea post then, that way you can put in more important information
09:42 <jack_waltz> thank you
09:42 <Mooagain> Aside from that, my main question would be is the monster able to communicate and how does it act?
09:43 <jack_waltz> I'll get to it right now.
09:43 <jack_waltz> It is able to communicate
09:44 <Mooagain> You said humans die when exposed to it for too long, what does the monster think of that?
09:44 <jack_waltz> but because it does this telepathically and the risk of death is high the Foundation uses to D-class to communicate.
09:45 <jack_waltz> They dont die when exposed too long
09:45 <jack_waltz> It is the chance that a subject would not be able to handle the entity's telepathic communication
09:46 <jack_waltz> instant shock (death) is not likely but madness and damage to mental health is more likely
09:47 <Mooagain> I want to know how the monster feels about that, is is sad that it kills people uncontrollably, or does it enjoy causing pain in lower beings?
09:47 <jack_waltz> The creature is more neutral in this aspect.
09:47 <jack_waltz> It more or less feels pity for the creatures but doesn't care too much
09:48 <jack_waltz> In its average world outside of the calculator species like humans are just ants like to us.
09:48 <jack_waltz> It doesn't care if it has to step on us
09:48 <jack_waltz> but doesnt try actively doing so
09:49 <Mooagain> Okay, what happens in the interviews then?
09:50 <jack_waltz> The Foundation sends D-Class who have memorised questions to communicate with the creature.
09:50 <Mooagain> what do we learn from these questions
09:51 <jack_waltz> The Foundation would start with stuff like its intentions, abilities, nature and the like
09:52 <Mooagain> Can you tell me the answers to the questions they ask
09:52 <jack_waltz> but the later the questions can become more complex such as why he is in calculator, why should the Foundation aid its escape, etc.
09:53 <jack_waltz> The Foundation obviously can't trust everything the entity relays back but it generally does not want to be displayed as a threat to humanity
09:53 <jack_waltz> It can manipulate physics
09:54 <jack_waltz> It is of a race that enjoys observing the worlds and civilizations develop
09:54 <jack_waltz> The creature is too stubborn to answer why its in the calculator
09:54 <Mooagain> Why?
09:55 <jack_waltz> Because it has a bit of an ego with the whole "loves observing civilizations develop"
09:55 <jack_waltz> This ego has made it feel like a bit of an god-figure that overlooks
09:56 <Mooagain> I like that
09:56 <Mooagain> So it's not actually as great as it claims to be?
09:56 <jack_waltz> And thus it feels embarrassment of its façade of as a god just being ripped apart
09:56 <jack_waltz> No not really.
09:56 <jack_waltz> it can manipulate physics yes
09:57 <jack_waltz> but things that are beyond physics (anomalies) can make it have a hard day
09:58 <jack_waltz> It's egotistical
09:58 <Mooagain> You mentioned it's from another universe, how strong is it in comparison to the other members of its species
09:59 <jack_waltz> none of its kind ever present themselves
10:00 <jack_waltz> but its like the whole "napoleon was average height for its time" joke
10:00 <jack_waltz> its mostly average in turns of abilities
10:00 <Mooagain> Okay, I like where this is going
10:01 <Mooagain> The monster likes to be around humans because it gets to feel superior for once?
10:01 <jack_waltz> Yes, it observed humanity and decided to stay with the puny meatbags
10:01 <Mooagain> Nice
10:02 <jack_waltz> It kinda made itself feel like the overwatcher of Earth
10:02 <Mooagain> This could actually make for a really funny story
10:02 <jack_waltz> Thanks!
10:03 <jack_waltz> Do you think the idea is fleshed out well enough for greenlighting?
10:03 <Mooagain> Would it be really smug when it shows off its powers to the foundation?
10:04 <jack_waltz> Yes, what pains it the most is that its powers are all but gone when its trapped within the calculator
10:05 <Mooagain> Hmm, I feel like removing its powers would kind of take away from the fun of the character
10:05 <jack_waltz> That question just gave me an idea to make the entity subconsciously destroy the minds of individuals that didn't regard it as a deity.
10:06 <jack_waltz> I'm trying to display this concept through the interview logs
10:06 <jack_waltz> Like imply it
10:06 <jack_waltz> To act like flavour text to the entity's personality
10:07 <Mooagain> To me the whole appeal of this is a monster that likes to show off around humans, but for its species is actually not that great. I'm not personally very interested in the trippy calculator subplot
10:08 <jack_waltz> Ah damn.
10:08 <Mooagain> I'm not saying you shouldn't have the calculator, because that can be a fun vessel to tell the story
10:08 <Mooagain> I just think the focus of the story should be more on the character behind the calculator, not the calculator itself
10:09 <jack_waltz> Do you think I should let the entity control subjects through something like psychological influence?
10:09 <jack_waltz> *telepahic
10:10 <jack_waltz> or at least reduce the restrictions that the calculator puts on the entity's abilities?
10:11 <Mooagain> Eh, usually I'm not a fan of tacking on extra abilities but it could be fun if the monster just uses it to stroke its own ego
10:12 <jack_waltz> ok…
10:12 <jack_waltz> Is there any other advice you think I should get
10:13 <jack_waltz> to develop the idea?
10:13 <jack_waltz> Or do you think its ready for a greenlight?
10:14 <Mooagain> What do you want the reader to feel about this story?
10:14 <jack_waltz> I want it to feel a little humorous
10:15 <jack_waltz> but at the same time express pain with the D-Class who survive and tell the Foundation about the conversation they had
10:16 <Mooagain> Dark comedy then?
10:16 <jack_waltz> guess so
10:16 <Mooagain> Nice, that's one of my favorite genres
I think this is a good start to a story, you've got a great opportunity to be really funny, but also it would be easy to fall into the pit of making a character too overpowered before the plot starts. That usually causes people to stop reading so I'd try to keep the effects light while also giving it enough to be a real braggart about it. A small suggestion for the ending, maybe end with another of its species showing up and putting it in its place? That could be a nice punchline if you go that route.
Edit: After seeing the reworked idea post, I've decided to Greenlight this. Good luck with number two!
