SCP-6013 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-6013.

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Rhys Tanner 31 May 2021 22:06

Hello everyone! This is my first SCP submission, but I’ve been practicing a particular brand of weird sci-fi/horror for a long time and it seems like it would fit in here very well. I wanted to make a story about people changing nature, and, in turn, the nature of changing people. Also goop. Lots of weird goop.

If you need a link to any of the other pages, I’ve provided them in the page source as a set of comments on the parent page, though they’ll appear in the article as well of course.

I’d like to give special thanks to the incredible artists Dem0onn and Valdevia for lending their work to this project! I would also like to give an extra special thanks to fellow 6000 entrant Rounderhouse, who helped me immensely with organizing ListPages.

My preferred Series VII entries after 6000 are:

• 6100
• 6200
• 6500
• 6600
• 6900 (nice)

Thank you, I hope you all enjoy!

EDIT: Everyone say hello to SCP-6013!

Heta keukot eshal-rortir7 thurayya >>

Last edited on 07 Aug 2021 23:24 by Rhys Tanner Show more

SageDarius 01 Jun 2021 09:52

There's an interesting story here, I think. But the… minigame? of translating the Soonsaran really drags it down for me. As it went on, I felt like MAYBE I was getting a feel for what was being said, only to lose the thread again.

I'll be leaving this one as a no-vote for now.

Joreth 01 Jun 2021 16:55

This is insanely high effort, not just from the time spent to build up the language, but the effort put into it to make it a coherent story. The Duolingo-esque translation is kind of confusing at first, but once you get the hang of it, it really opens up the story, and puts you in the space of communicating with a massive flesh ship. The bold and crossed out sections are really helpful in pushing you in the right direction and it's helpful enough but not overbearing.

Langford is characterized very well; her being lured in by Raya's promises, and subsequent regret, makes for a pretty compelling story.

A few things:

• I re-read the section a few times, but I still don't understand why Hadina got shot
• I wish the -B instances were more important to the story, the whales on the final page were nicely done though
• The title kind of generic, and is, very unfortunately, exactly the same as SCP-4233. While this isn't against the site's rules, it clashes when users search for it through chatbots that index the SCP database (like CROM or Helen)

An incredibly ambitious piece that was challenging to read, but well worth the effort.

Rhys Tanner 01 Jun 2021 17:10

EDIT: I've changed the name accordingly. As far as I can tell, there isn't an article with my entry's current name. I feel really stupid for not checking that sooner actually …

I'm glad you enjoyed the article! I'm super curious to hear what people think, especially about the more complicated segments.

Last edited on 01 Jun 2021 17:31 by Rhys Tanner Show more

EstrellaYoshte 03 Jun 2021 19:35

Have to novote on this one.

The content is compelling and extraordinarily high-effort, with Langford being a well-realized voice, but the presentation (the tabs at the beginning are particularly egregious) and the translation dropdowns severely hamper the flow and engagement, combined with the sheer length of it all makes it a massive chore to go through.

At the end, I still have no idea what the deal with Kamski is, and couldn't bring myself to retread, tbh.

adirtyshame 04 Jun 2021 10:52

holy crap this is ambitious. i would never have believed it was your first SCP.

I will say, i couldn't make heads or tails of what 6000 was saying. :-( any chance you'd be willing to offer a rough translation of what is being said in those logs?

i notice the comments seem mixed but of the 50 or so entries I've read so far, this has been one of the most engaging for me personally. +1

Rhys Tanner 04 Jun 2021 14:54

Seeing people's reactions has made me consider adding one, yeah. I intended for the language puzzle to be the primary draw, but obviously if people can't make heads or tails of it then I'm screwing it up somewhere. Were the hints helpful enough, or would a for-real alternative translation be more beneficial?

adirtyshame 08 Jun 2021 13:56

personally, i'd provide a for-real translation. but admittedly, I'm not a puzzle person. i hope this comes across the way i mean it, as a compliment — i enjoyed reading the handbook entries about translation, i love the concept of the language, but trying to solve the puzzle itself was the thing i liked least and found least compelling about this (and given the scope of this piece that's a minor gripe and was only a small component). aside from the translation stuff, i lost track of time reading it, which hasn't happened often as i work my way through every entry.

(account deleted) 05 Jun 2021 19:29

I'll be honest. I got halfway through the logs at the bottom before I got tired of trying to puzzle out 6000's speech. I'm sure that given enough time, I could figure it out, but it just got so tedious and unrewarding (considering it is just introductions initially) that I decided to stop. I couldn't finish reading this. I like the whole language thing, and I'm sure it appeals to some people. but it just caused me to lose interest in this entry.

Also, some stuff I think you should look at:

This burden, physical, psychological and emotional, will be great, and it must be bared by many, many people.

• You need a comma after 'psychological'
• 'Bared' is not the right word, I think 'borne' is the proper word for this

SCP-6000-A has repeatedly claimed that it is agent Langford.

• Should 'agent' not be capitalized? It is a title after all.

Rhys Tanner 05 Jun 2021 20:01

One thing I've noticed with the responses so far is that the translation parts start to wear thin much quicker than I meant for them to. I'm not sure how much of that is because of the concept itself or a failure in my delivery, but I imagine it's some combination of both. I think a subsequent draft would benefit from condensing some of the content down so that there's less of a pacing problem early on.

You were right about the edit suggestions, by the way. "Borne" is the correct word. Thanks for the feedback!

Tristan MacIntyre 06 Jun 2021 02:25

Brilliant! I read the whole thing in one go and had a ton of fun with the translation. Super engaging for the reader! I did find myself spending lots of time trying hard to figure out what was being said, and being worried I was missing parts of it since I wasn’t fluent (obviously) was in the back of my mind for the majority of the read.

Only suggestion I can think of is having more of the “of/with/and” type of words have the POSITIVE CAPS, so the reader can fill in the meatier content with their interpretation via context/syntax. I feel like this may have helped me feel more confident that I wasn’t missing out on something because it’s new.

P.S.

I love the inclusion of a trans character, and that they’re personality isn’t coded in their trans-ness, beautiful writing. It was a treat to discover and see, and I didn’t think of it until the post-transformation medical report. I could feel how happy Langford was in their letter, body dysmorphia is hella real.

My one qualm with this though: I doubt the medical documents of the SCP Foundation (which seems to be very trans friendly) would put something like her dead name on a document. A dead name is a dead name for a reason, it’s inclusion (even redacted) on the document seems transphobic by the physician. It should be removed entirely without any mention/expungement/redaction.

Rhys Tanner 06 Jun 2021 04:30

+ I'm glad you liked it! Thanks so much for the feedback!

As a trans woman myself, writing Langford was a joy. Sarkicism is my favorite part of the SCP universe, and when I heard that they valued personal transformation, the gears in my brain started turning. Three months later, this story popped out.

With Langford's deadname, I originally wanted it to be a kind of nod as the only "hard redacted" information; the Foundation will give security clearances for a lot of things, but not that. When I was writing it I was also working through removing my own deadname from my health insurance, so I guess it helped me vent a little. Now that you mention it, though, it does seem a little suspect to have it around at all. Plus, if Langford being on HRT and getting a womb from Sarkic rituals doesn't make as reader realize that she's trans, I don't think a gag about a deadname will. It's probably for the best to just take it out.

Tristan MacIntyre 06 Jun 2021 11:49

Overall, this article made me feel many things towards many topics, love me a big boi read for those big boi emotions. If I had a bonus +1 to give, you earned it for taking the sarkic-trans bridge, Ion is depicted as fluid in some scripture and personal transformation is definitely important to the culture! At its core, Nalka always read to me about ascension, rising up, and perfection of self/all. Its really about becoming your best version.

Possible way to make it work?

If you have the SD refer to Langford as their dead name in their 6000.A.7790 addendum, you might be able to swing it by having it blackboxed with a footnote from the ethics committee. Which could add mystery as to why THIS particular name is redacted. Kamski already dehumanizes Langford in this document, so it could work in universe.

As the writer, ultimately that’s your call to make if it’s within their character to just desensitize and detach themselves from their work this way (which fits more in line with how the final batch of documents read), or if they really really are scum. Deadnaming is a real experience and it’s not entirely out of left field, just a weird place for it to be (from my perspective).

Last edited on 06 Jun 2021 11:50 by Tristan MacIntyre Show more

Ian Dall 15 Jun 2021 14:06

Good effort, Linguistics especially. Certainly a +1, though I feel the Sarckist elements are a bit conventional.

Her words and what they meant

Maxyfran73 18 Jun 2021 10:54

Jesus christ this sure was something. I… God, this took three hours to read and I don't regret a single moment.

The inclusion of the linguistics minigame, I can definitely see it as divisive, but I have to say it was not only proof of the amount of effort that went into this article, but it was extremely engaging when it came down to figuring out the mystery of the words. Have you ever heard of the movie Arrival? It deals with figuring out an alien language to communicate with, well, aliens, and the sense of wonder and thought out linguistic concepts felt very similar in a very good way. Could this article have been done without the translation minigame? Probably. Would I have enjoyed the piece without it? Most likely, but I can't deny that it definitely added a lot to the entry, to a degree that this prolly already became one of my favorite SCP pieces on the site.

And that's just on the linguistics part of the article: Now, onto the characters. Christ, were the characters compelling. Greer and Langford were extremely interesting characters, and watching their development, although fairly lineal, was really interesting to watch unfold. Even Kamski, who wasn't that prevalent, was a character with interesting points to add to the overall feel of the piece. Hadina and even Beaumont were as well. And just… Yeah, every piece of worldbuilding was extremely satisfying. Was this piece a lot to take in? God, yeah, this took so long to go through, but it felt as though everything helped enhance the overall experience.

So, uh, yeah, kudos to you! And this being your first piece? Damn, that's like double, maybe even triple kudos. I wish I could upvote more than once, cuz this one honestly deserves it.

Last edited on 18 Jun 2021 10:54 by Maxyfran73 Show more

Re: Her words and what they meant

Rhys Tanner 18 Jun 2021 11:08

Wow! Thank you so much for the kind words!

Also, yes, Arrival is one of my favorite films, along with a similar sci-fi horror film called Annihilation. Both of them were huge inspirations. The concept of playing with language has always really appealed to me, and I'm so happy to hear someone had as much fun reading this as I did writing it!

sachiel187 19 Jun 2021 08:10

i unfortunately have to echo others here who said the translation game was… a bit too much. it was fun for the first two or three bits, but then they started really breaking the flow of the story. and when i realized there wasn't really much of a point (guessing "wrong" wouldn't impact the ending in any way), i stopped looking at them altogether.

with that being said.

the dynamic between joanne, hannah, and isaiah was excellently written. and it made the ending so much more heartbreaking and tragic. even the side characters feel human and not just as token pieces to carry the story along. the dialogue between joanne and hannah specifically carried the story incredibly well through its slower parts, through the translate-a-thons. and even raya comes across not as an antagonist, but as another character with her own motivations, even if they are those of a living weapon and not a truly sentient & sapient being.

+1.

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