Seeking Greenlight: The Wandering Storyteller

Summary:

Third try. Critique and feedback

Seeking Greenlight: The Wandering Storyteller

Tengku_Gagak 28 May 2021 01:05

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: History, Drama

Elevator Pitch:
A humanoid automaton with a high level of intelligence. SCP-XXXX shows resemblance to 15th century “Penglipur Lara” Anyone who listens to its story will have an extreme form of schizophrenia, (I.e obsess with an idea of being a flawless human in many aspects such as morale, action ect..) SCP-XXXX have no intention to kill but it was its nature to do so

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Central Narrative:
A week after SCP-XXXX first containment, it breached its confinement and took a researcher hostage. The demand of SCP-XXXX is simple but questionable at first: A human sanity.

A D-Class personnel were sent to SCP-XXXX’s confinement and in exchange, SCP-XXXX let go of the researcher. After a few hours, the said D-Class Personnel were released from SCP-XXXX’s confinement. The said D-Class Personnel then later starting to experiencing an extreme form of schizophrenia, were the said D-Class start obsessing over idea of being a “perfect man” (i.e a flawless human, sinless in every way) a few days after the initial exposure, the D-Class committed suicide. SCP-XXXX were later place in a temporary confinement as the foundation understand new things about it

Scientist X Interview SCP-XXXX using an intercom system. It explained that it needed to tell its story because a man who it called “Father” designed it to do so. When asked about the side effect, SCP-XXXX explains that it was cursed by a sultan as a form of revenge for killing him. The curses feed on the listener’s sanity. The Scientist also attempted to hear SCP-XXXX’ story but denied stating that he didn’t want to hurt him.

In an attempt to understand more about SCP-XXXX, the foundation denied access to sacrifice. It then led to an incident. SCP-XXXX manifested in a form of black mist. Anyone who steps into the mist will not return with their sanity intact. With this new form, SCP-XXXX breached its containment thus, taking away dozens of lives before returning to its Humanoid automaton form. It was stated SCP-XXXX fall into a deep depression.

Hook/Attention-Grabber:
There is an existing Manuscript detailing the backstories of SCP-XXXX written a few years after its creation in third person perspective that match up with SCP-XXXX’s account. The manuscript was only passed on as a fictionalization of the death of the last sultan of Malacca by many historians.

Additional Notes:
I will include a few interview logs. Many details regarding SCP-XXXX alongside backstories will be included in the final version

Last edited on 28 May 2021 01:20 by Tengku_Gagak Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 31 May 2021 06:47

Since this thread was on page 6 of the forum listing with no feedback yet, this is a quick reminder from staff for the author. Please remember to contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed, if you haven't done so already.

This thread has information on reaching out to reviewers: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already contacted multiple reviewers and received no reply, feel free to ask a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.

Re: Seeking Greenlight: The Wandering Storyteller

(account deleted) 31 May 2021 14:13

This idea is good :
1.Deep story

This idea is bed :
1.The story is popular and it doesn't have a lot of creativity
2.What happened after the last problem?
3.Integration of capabilities. A automaton transform to black mist, to me this is ridiculous.