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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-6357.
Reviewers:
caspian2 (Greenlighter)
REDESERT (Greenlighter)
Nagiros
Harriet Farrar (First draft crit)
Atish Victor
McGus
JacobWaller
Phantom8
JAcerStriker
NKUltra
quickestsilver
nuclearpotatoes
Ekronak
Chymerical
LuSoloLu
Marcelles_Raynes
penguinpyro
foxpen (Got asked for crit first day on the site)
AyyJayy
ZG1906
DodoDevil
Lord_of_Laugh
TopDownUnder
ambyshframber
Naomi Null
DrGooday
chaucer345
cold_Nights
TheyCallMeTim
Parad00xx
Sirslash47
DrBleep
thehudbud
JayKillbam
Grigori Karpin
fairydoctor
Vivarium
Mew-ltiverse
Cydhra
Helping with terms:
tawnyowljones
SgtRock
ManyMeats
BlueJones
Boogey_Man23
Tech support:
TopDownUnder (Thanks for the ACS!)
JakdragonX
Sirslash47
tawnyowljones
Hexick
Special Thanks to:
My Father (Helped me refine the idea)
My Sister (Read my draft multiple times)
McGus (Thanks buddy for always being down to help)
ZG1906 (My mentor and go to brainstormer)
penguinpyro (Your review gives me motivation)
TheyCallMeTim (Last minute review. Thanks mate)
Vivarium (I have nothing but respect for you, Lord Viva; and thank you for the awesome logo)
DodoDevil (Thank you for the heads up about the MTF choice and the cool artwork. The more I look at it, the more I like it)
If I have forgotten anyone, please inform me. Sorry about that.
This is my first ever work on the site. I had a lot of fun making this draft.
How it relates to nature? I thought of it in these ways:
1) The SCP is a superorganism of sentient cells.
2) The parallels between humans and the anomaly with the idea of our consciousness vs the body (cells).
3) The anomaly adapting to ensure its survival.
4) The entity's nature to survive and be free against the Foundation's nature to contain.
5) The SCP integrating itself into the ecosystem.
The story is about how attempts by humanity in trying to capture the scip and/or utilise it kick-starts a game of chess between the Foundation and the entity.
The theme will be that some things should just be left alone.
Theme:
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/theme:jakstyle
ACS Used:
http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/component:acs-peppo-split
Image:
https://pixabay.com/photos/carcass-skeleton-animal-desert-1474290/
The various styles for the letter, logs, interviews, etc can be found here:
http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-style-resource
Tau-15 "Vanguard" Logo:
Designed by Vivarium and released under CC BY-SA 3.0.
http://www.scpwiki.com/vivarium-s-artpage
Artwork for my article:
Made by DodoDevil
http://www.scpwiki.com/dodos-arts-and-crafts-corner (Batch 3)
Preferred Numbers:
6001
6005
6006
6100
6357
(account deleted)I would have loved to see what the secondary class meant. Maybe in the footnotes.
I still love the concept! But the overall characterisation and flow is still off and disjointed. Unfortunately, this is a no-vote from me at the moment.
The draft I saw was already +1 material, IMO. Then you addressed at least a few of my concerns. Good stuff. It's still on the long side, but with this many twists, I think that's justified.
Writing for the long-neglected GOC Casefiles canon.
For it is your first SCP article I'm very impressed. IT very long but it was worth it. good luck+1
Fox 🦊
Having your first SCP be a K contest entry and for it to be doing so well is impressive, I did spot a place where it was refered to as SCP rather than SCP-6000 ("SCP has been observed to be very curious, and has a profound interest and understanding of biology.")
The idea of a guy just wanting to be free, achieving immortality & borderline godhood by essentially making humans immortal in turn is played quite straight and it works
+1
I really like it, but I felt the reveal that Narendan was infected was a bit unnecessary and came from outta nowhere. I also think the Foundation gave up too easily, and although it's very well-written, this overall falls into X-men territory. No vote from me.
This was quite good, I see from the comments that its your first article, so as a would-be first time author myself, its all the more impressive to me given the scope of the anomaly and the length of the article. The anomaly and its goals were well thought out.
My only issue with it was that the dialogue felt a bit off, I'd have said it could be attributed to the entity assimilating many humans, but the same goes for other characters. It's just small details like exclamation point usage and switching between being formal and using expressions like "having a blast" in the same breath.
With that being said, I really enjoyed it and +1 from me! Good luck with the contest.
Also, a few mistakes I caught you might wanna fix :
- In Addendum 3 : "where the entity managed to [forgot a word here] a wound, thus infecting the Agent, and subdue [subdued?] him
- In Addendum 4 : "I was not that well-fed at *the moment* [suggests its the present moment, maybe at that moment/time instead?]"
- Addendum 7 : "*her* [forgot to delete that] she succumbed"
Noted. They have been fixed.
The "having a blast part" was written by the entity in a personal letter to Narendran that was discovered by the Foundation.
Thank you for the upvote and comment. It means a lot to me.
All the best and good luck with your endeavours as well.
Posting for contest judges. Changing my vote to a novote instead of downvote after rethinking my opinions on this article and talking them out on IRC. I still think there are a few fundamental issues that I personally don't like, but this is an objectively well written article that I don't feel right just leaving it at a downvote.
/forum/t-14106747/scp-6357#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
