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My contribution to VKTM, proud of this one. Thank you to all the critters:
Special thanks to Lord_of_Laugh for making the first and third images.
SCP-5358 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5358.
This article has a lot of high points. The second segment in particular really jumped out at me as very strong, but it feels very heavy-stroked in places (especially for a vktm article), in the first and especially the last segment. It fails to really capture the absurdist horror played completely straight that makes vktm really work for me with lines like "Surely not us (laughs hysterically)." or "Like they said, definitely not against their will, it is a thrill", and as such leaves me feeling a little disappointed walking out of it expecting the less 'in your face' vktm style. The high points really do work though, so it's definitely not a downvote from me.
I'm not familiar with this GoI, but boy howdy, does this seem like an interesting time lol I think I like where this is going. That being said, though, I guess I can't really say anything about whether this fits in or not, but I did notice a couple of spots in the description where my brain hung up while reading.
First, it is mentioned that:
Affected individuals are to immediately be detained and treated with Class-C amnestics
But that's followed up by
Civilian witnesses are to be administered Class-A amnestics
Is there a reason for the different amnestics outside of testing?
Also, I was under the impression that A was weaker than C, so does that mean it is less critical that civilians forget?
The ConProcs also say the MTF members are to possess
Level-2 hazardous resistance
Is this just a generalized resistance or is it specificly to combat the cognitohazard? I don't think I've seen this used without specifying before so I was a little confused.
Attempts to search for information regarding the entity resulted unsuccessfully.
I just hung up really hard on the phrasing here. Since this sounds like an ongoing investigation into the identity of the entity, this could probably be smoothed out as
Attempts to search for information regarding the entity have been unsuccessful
Maybe that's just me, though.
Mostly minor gripes, though. I really like the idea here and I'm very curious to dig into this new GoI.
edit: changing this to a no-vote for now. Looking at this again, I sort of have to agree with ZeroMan's crit. I still want to see what comes of this, but as a main-list article this starts to build some interesting leads, aaaaand then they just… disappear. Nothing comes of them and the rest of the article just sort of reinforces Vivo's shenanigans and the "weirdness" of the -1 and -3, but doesn't give any reason to believe this guy's not just being really weird and committing random acts of violence/aggression on camera to be funny. Even the anomalous effects seem pretty self-containing and incredibly minimal for the Foundation to have this on their radar and be amnesticizing people. I still feel like there is potential here, but the more I look at this, the more I'm finding myself asking the wrong questions about this piece.
SCP-5358-1's anomalous properties
These started out so interesting to read, that I expected more of it and was left disappointed. The obsession with the ocean was so interesting at first - and then, nothing. Absolutely nothing happened and the subject even forgets all that they went through? Then what is the purpose of that? It brings nothing to the anomaly, and something that could've been an interesting side of the article was just quickly discarded.
SCP-5358-2 is a land of unknown measurements, origin, or location.
How is "Vlorschidia" a SCP if they don't even know if it's real or not? For all they know, Vlorschidia might not even be real, but just cited by the SCP-5358-3 and the affected subjects themselves, so why is it tagged as SCP-5358-2?
Its own unique language, "Vlorsch."
This I can accept, but…
Its own currency known as "Vloins."
Really? Also, how does the Foundation know about this? They never went there, and all information they have comes from the infomercial, but most of the things mentioned in the SCP-5358-2 list weren't mentioned there, so how can they say these sorts of things about the country/island? The thing that most stood out to me was when the list mentions it has a national anthem, but then just above the article states they just assume it has a national anthem.
Addendum images
What is the purpose of the images? I've seen this done in many articles before this one (from this GoI as well) that just insert random images vaguely related to the content being presented. If you're already describing the setting to me, and there's no extra relevant information in the image at all, why add it? It doesn't seem necessary to me.
SCP-5358-A: -a proud citizen of this proud and very proud country, Vlorschidia, home of the proud. I am also the host hosting this infomercial to provide you curious cats in our culture, attractions, natives, and other things (…)
Here (and in many other parts of the infomercial) he just talks like a slightly more educated Dado, and I don't get why. This honestly takes away all the suspense or fear I could've felt from this character. Now, they're just a comedic antagonist that doesn't really do anything to me.
[The camera pans to the individual as SCP-5358-A tackles them, along with multiple other unidentified people. (…)
Not a complaint, but this scene really reminded me of this: https://media.tenor.com/images/6d0848848323aa0bc1b9d696800520f3/tenor.gif
Last collapsible
Why was that collapsible there? Was that image a memetic hazard? If so, why was that not made clear in any part of the article?
General gist of the addenda
The "main character" is way too foolish and "humorous" for me to take seriously. Different from other VKTM articles, this one doesn't seem to try to elicit a response from gore, horror or suspense - it's just comedy. The way the person hit by the brick was later used like a puppet and the way he harassed the couple in the park didn't feel at all threatening or uncomfortable to me. The only part that came close to that was the aftermath of the bar fight scene, but it still didn't do much.
(…) With them, you'll have no problem performing the same mundane tasks you've been doing for the past, what, decade now? Oh, what have you been doing besides staring at a screen you're whole damn life?
It also seems like you tried to make some sort of commentary regarding people addicted to technology at parts. If that was your attempt, it was way too direct for me to appreciate. If it wasn't, then I feel it's good to point out it seems that way based on the quote I selected.
And this is why I, unfortunately, had to downvote this. It was a very lackluster article and I expected more from it. Vivo could've been a much more unsettling character if tackled differently, and the effect of the anomaly had so much potential, but it was wasted right at the beginning. Also, I noticed a lot that people don't seem to remember anything that happened in VKTM articles - is there a specific reason for that? Why does VKTM do what they do? Is there any purpose to it or do they just like wasting money and being silly?
Anyways, good luck on all your future writing endeavors!
SCP-5358-1's anomalous properties
These started out so interesting to read, that I expected more of it and was left disappointed. The obsession with the ocean was so interesting at first - and then, nothing. Absolutely nothing happened and the subject even forgets all that they went through? Then what is the purpose of that? It brings nothing to the anomaly, and something that could've been an interesting side of the article was just quickly discarded.
SCP-5358-2 is a land of unknown measurements, origin, or location.
How is "Vlorschidia" a SCP if they don't even know if it's real or not? For all they know, Vlorschidia might not even be real, but just cited by SCP-5358-3 and the affected subjects themselves, so why is it tagged as SCP-5358-2?
Its own unique language, "Vlorsch."
This I can accept, but…
Its own currency known as "Vloins."
Really? Also, how does the Foundation know about this? They never went there, and all information they have comes from the infomercial, but most of the things mentioned in the SCP-5358-2 list weren't mentioned there, so how can they say these sorts of things about the country/island? The thing that most stood out to me was when the list mentions it has a national anthem, but then just above the article states they just assume it has a national anthem.
Addendum images
What is the purpose of the images? I've seen this done in many articles before this one (from this GoI as well) that just insert random images vaguely related to the content being presented. If you're already describing the setting to me, and there's no extra relevant information in the image at all, why add it? It doesn't seem necessary to me.
SCP-5358-A: -a proud citizen of this proud and very proud country, Vlorschidia, home of the proud. I am also the host hosting this infomercial to provide you curious cats in our culture, attractions, natives, and other things (…)
Here (and in many other parts of the infomercial) he just talks like a slightly more educated Dado, and I don't get why. This honestly takes away all the suspense or fear I could've felt from this character. Now, they're just a comedic antagonist that doesn't really do anything to me.
[The camera pans to the individual as SCP-5358-A tackles them, along with multiple other unidentified people. (…)
Not a complaint, but this scene really reminded me of this: https://media.tenor.com/images/6d0848848323aa0bc1b9d696800520f3/tenor.gif
Last collapsible
Why was that collapsible there? Was that image a memetic hazard? If so, why was that not made clear in any part of the article?
General gist of the addenda
The "main character" is way too foolish and "humorous" for me to take seriously. Different from other VKTM articles, this one doesn't seem to try to elicit a response from gore, horror or suspense - it's just comedy. The way the person hit by the brick was later used like a puppet and the way he harassed the couple in the park didn't feel at all threatening or uncomfortable to me. The only part that came close to that was the aftermath of the bar fight scene, but it still didn't do much.
(…) With them, you'll have no problem performing the same mundane tasks you've been doing for the past, what, decade now? Oh, what have you been doing besides staring at a screen you're whole damn life?
It also seems like you tried to make some sort of commentary regarding people addicted to technology at parts. If that was your attempt, it was way too direct for me to appreciate. If it wasn't, then I feel it's good to point out it seems that way based on the quote I selected.
And this is why I, unfortunately, had to downvote this. It was a very lackluster article and I expected more from it. Vivo could've been a much more unsettling character if tackled differently, and the effect of the anomaly had so much potential, but it was wasted right at the beginning. Also, I noticed a lot that people don't seem to remember anything that happened in VKTM articles - is there a specific reason for that? Why does VKTM do what they do? Is there any purpose to it or do they just like wasting money and being silly?
Anyways, good luck on all your future writing endeavors!
EDIT: Please ignore my crit in the post above this one, it seems like it got bugged out? I couldn't see it before, but after reposting I can now see it but can't edit it out :/
Just wanted to say that I'm noticing the same issue with posts bugging out and not being able to edit them on the idea crit forum, too.
Also, a note: I swear I've seen the forest image before, but I have no idea where from.
Just wanted to say that I'm noticing the same issue with posts bugging out and not being able to edit them on the idea crit forum, too.
Wikidot was experiencing some major lag the past few days. It seems to be getting back to normal loading times now, but there are some instances of posts not displaying immediately or wikidot messages not displaying the correct unread message count.
I'm in agreement with morhadow here. I'm sticking with a novote, because I like some of the imagery you've used (the brick to the face is particularly evocative!). Most of this feels like it's trying very hard to pull off what the other VKTM articles do well, but I feel like it's lacking a sense of natural progression; we learn what the anomaly is, we begin watching the video, and it's the same level of intensity throughout. While I wouldn't term VKTM as particularly subtle, I do think their articles involve quite a bit of build-up from inception to the harder-hitting moments. Here, the satire and grotesque imagery aren't bad, but they stay constant throughout.
I think I would've enjoyed this a lot more if you'd pared it back and let the feeling of unease build naturally throughout the article.
Hmmm. Alright, there's a good idea here, and I like what it's trying to portray, following the logic of VKTM, but I dunno, there's something off about it. VKTM has this sardonic air to it, and while this one does too, it feels too strong, to the point where it loses the essence of the piece. I think this piece would benefit from being a tad more subtle in its execution.
Also, noticed a 'maybe a mistake, maybe not':
SCP-5358-A: Don't at us.
Past this… I'd also point out who the specific deceased person was, cuz there was a lot of people on the informercial. Unless not mentioning it was the point?
Point is, this is a fine article, but it could do better. I'll upvote it cuz it's good, but it's very close to a novote, so ye.
/forum/t-14094474/scp-5358#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
