SCP-5796 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5796.

Phantom8 22 Apr 2021 21:23

This is my first SCP. Hopefully it stays on the mainsite.

Special thanks to Naepic, Cyvstvi13, JayKillbam, penguinpyro, fairydoctor, quickestsilver, Pixel Constellation, chaucer345, Quadraginta, succulemon, Re_spectators, DodoDevil, Petdoc1991, DrWhiteFox, Junie Bones and many others on discord for critiquing this idea throughout its many stages.

Last edited on 22 Apr 2021 22:08 by Phantom8 Show more

Nickthebrick1 23 Apr 2021 00:17

I liked it, although I still think it wouldn't be safe, more like euclid or keter but that's my opinion.

Also you have some "XXXX's" down in the article but great job.

petitepaddington 24 Apr 2021 17:10

I like it a lot! The article is structured in a way that is logical, and overall it ticks the right boxes.

My only issue is that the dialogue in the first logs have dialogue punctuation that doesn’t make much sense, like periods after what seems to be shouting. The “NOOOOOO.” is the starkest example of this. The events in the first log are fine, but the dialogue is somewhat melodramatic. “Don’t let go” screams Titanic at me, which made me laugh but lessened the impact of the log itself.

In summary, great concept, but logs could be revised to flow more realistically as well as correct punctuation. A +1 from me.

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i’ve dispatched bears to your location, prepare for contact

Awkward Mudkip 27 Apr 2021 16:13

I've got a few problems with the article:

First, the death of the guy who gets sucked into a tornado is waaay too melodramatic. Like, the other guy literally screams "NOOOOOO" like this.

Second, the point of this whole thing is feeling bad cause the other guy's family died, but I'm not feeling it. I mean, that was a literal natural catastrophe, there's nothing he could've done, and the only thing we see of him before that is how he complains about the weather station.

An third, why doesn't the Foundation neutralize this thing? It's pumping out cyclones and other dangerous stuff, it's a constant threat to normalcy and public safety, and it costs resources to hide and maintain. It isn't mentioned to be indestructible, so it would make a lot of sense for the foundation to decommission it somehow.

Phantom8 27 Apr 2021 20:38

Hi! Thanks for reading it, i'm sorry that you didn't like it. Imma cover your points below.

1) Yeah, I admit the first dialogue really isn't my best work, I wrote it very early in the draft and it's not as good as it could have been. I have made some changes to it since I have gotten that critiuqe several times. Hopefully it's better now.

2) What do you mean the only thing we see? He's present throughout the entirety of the Tempest Event log, every big entry hints at his eventual collapse when something inevitably happens that will affect him psychollogically. I'm sorry but I really don't understand where you are coming from here.

3) Honestly I don't really know if you read the tempest event log. It is mentioned by Dr. Franco that he wants to destroy it, he wants to just chuck it in the ocean, but they can't. The approval for neutralization hasn't been given and the foundation is the best bet at preventing civilain deaths from its properties. They are literally not allowed to destroy it by the time the log ends. That's what I wanted to show, he feels like he can't do enough because he can't neutralize it. Not without the approval or risk of more civilian deaths.

Either way thanks for your critique, I know you mean well but it really seems like you missed some crucial details about the whole skip. I'm not trying to sound rude but that's just what it feels like.

Thanks again for reading and critting though.

-Phantom out.

DoctorHroekkvirson 26 Oct 2022 19:45

Nope sorry.

With "Dr. Franco has been deemed fit to work again and has been reassigned to SCP-5796." The +1 went to a No-Vote.
His wife dies, he felt responsible for civilian deaths and with that Line you Close the scip? That really destroyed my Suspension of Disbelieve