SCP-5567 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5567.

Author Post - Mew

Mew-ltiverse 18 Apr 2021 20:05

Cause, I am on fire
A crying, burning liar
Seeing nothing, nothing, but myself
And I'm the one with the lighter

Critique: A fuck ton of people I forgot cause it's been nearly a year, TopDownUnder, LittleFieryOne, calibri_bold does not match any existing user name, Sirslash47,Raddagher, Cyvstvi13 does not match any existing user name, Grigori Karpin, Phantom8

SPECIAL THANKS: Anorrack A year ago, I bounced this idea off them, and when I came back to pick this up again, they were still here for me to bounce ideas off of and then boom, collab!

Thanks to Grigori for writing the last addendum! (I tweaked it a bit, but they wrote it)

It has been a long time since I've posted. I'm hoping this does good, as me and Anorrack worked pretty hard to make it as good as it can get. We hope you enjoy!

Last edited on 25 Apr 2021 17:03 by Mew-ltiverse Show more

Anorrack 18 Apr 2021 20:21

I had a wonderful time collabing with Mew-ltiverse, and it was a blast bouncing ideas off of each other. It was a great time for a first collab.

Last edited on 18 Apr 2021 20:21 by Anorrack Show more

+1

Grigori Karpin 18 Apr 2021 20:27

Had all sorts of expectations when finishing with the description, and this quite soundly flipped those expectations by the end and has a somber, haunting feeling.

This is good stuff. And I’m biased as I wanna see more cursed media!

+1

Sirslash47 18 Apr 2021 20:36

When I gave crit this was not finished yet and I wanted to see more apples. I got more apples. I am a happy man. +1

Forgive the wording please ;)

MuseofScience 18 Apr 2021 23:55

Reminds me of SCP-1733 - Season Opener, more like a cop drama version of it. Poor detective trapped in an anime, he only wanted a friend and he just lost the only person who was friendly and nice to him.

Cold Foundation is cold.

But my +1 is not that cold.

Last edited on 18 Apr 2021 23:56 by MuseofScience Show more

Blank-Minded 19 Apr 2021 06:54

Maybe I should go to a shrink like Aoi tells me to.

Do you mean shrine here?

Mew-ltiverse 19 Apr 2021 13:44

No, we meant shrink. As in therapist.

Blank-Minded 20 Apr 2021 09:21

Ok, search up and find shrink as informal use for therapist.

Anorrack 21 Apr 2021 02:42

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shrink

Blank-Minded 21 Apr 2021 03:24

I dont't know why you send the link, as I already get that shrink can be used as therapist. Maybe using shrink as therapist is common for your part of the world, but not in my part of the world.
EDIT: After more diving, found that shrink is a jargon/slang used toward therapist due to someone in 60s joking of therapist is just like those amazonian tribe headshrinker. So, my term of shrink as informal use of therapist is not wrong.

In conclusion, should I feel offended for you sending the link as a form of mocking¹.

Footnotes

1. Sorry if I get it wrongly.

Last edited on 21 Apr 2021 03:47 by Blank-Minded Show more

Mew-ltiverse 21 Apr 2021 03:38

I don't think he was trying to offend you. It appeared as if you asked for us to search it up, so he did. I apologize for the misunderstanding. It seems as if there is a slight language barrier.

Maggywaggy 20 Apr 2021 20:33

This is good.

I also wouldn't mind reading a story about the horror of experiencing all of these murders by the various yokai and being the only truly alive and sentient being to fight it.

But the choice to go down this much more subdued and sorrowful path was enjoyable.

Mew-ltiverse 20 Apr 2021 23:17

A tale in the perspective of Arikawa could totally be done, one that delves more into his mindset and perspective during this. I'd be happy to write that, as I came to quite like his character during the time I was writing it. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

-1

sachiel187 28 Apr 2021 01:24

unfortunately, this one was just not enough to hook me. the characters are (ironically) pretty flat and lifeless. though daichi is well written, kelly and the detective are pretty predictable overall, and neither ends up being likable near the end. i wasn't really able to get emotionally attached to either because of it, and the article suffers overall from somewhat slow pacing without a good enough punch at the end.

Doctor Scrappy 21 Aug 2022 18:32

If SCP-5567-1 really wants a friend, he should just meet SCP-423.

-1'd; The SCP wasn't interesting, the story was boring, none of the characters were remotely likeable and it doesn't make me feel anything.

It attempts to be sad, but, for me, the sad parts just come out of nowhere.

An SCP with the same sort of concept and much better execution is SCP-5733 and definitely worth your time reading!

Last edited on 21 Aug 2022 18:38 by Doctor Scrappy Show more

Mew-ltiverse 18 Nov 2022 03:01

Thanks for your honest review but I'd like you to know how incredibly rude it is to say "hey, this article is SOOOOOO bad you should read this better thing hahahah lmao ashdfsdhfga" like my god, you could've been nicer. Point out what you didn't like, maybe say why you think the other article did it better. But to just be so blatantly rude by comparing our work to another piece in such a mean manor is just not the way to critique.