The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

Summary:

An extraterrestrial who can manifest anything it draws

The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

Lapiz Moon 30 Mar 2021 21:02

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Tale

Genre (Optional): Emotional, Mystery, (Alien)History

Elevator pitch: Found from the surface of the moon. A Female humanoid entity, with pure white skin, blue and red heterochromia. SCP-XXXX can secrete a black liquid from its hands. This liquid can morph into anything SCP-XXXX wants it to. However, it requires it to clearly think, every little detail, about what it wants the liquid to morph into. This is difficult to do with only thought. When SCP-XXXX draws an object, it can express each and every detail on paper, making it easier for it to morph the liquid. It is easily able to de-manifest the liquid if it wants.

Central Narrative

Central Narrative: SCP-XXXX only remembers fragments of its past. It mostly remarks on memories about its “parents”.

The narrative is mostly focused on SCP-XXXX explaining the memories of its home planet and the type of society it was. SCP-XXXX’s home planet has 7 moons and each of them has a “controllers”. SCP-XXXX explains this “controllers” is a person maintaining the rotation of the moon they are assigned to, so it will not fluctuate or become unbalanced and cause destruction on the planet. SCP-XXXX was meant to be the next “controllers” for one of the moons but its ability and difficulty of controlling said ability was deemed “dysfunctional”, so they decided to terminate SCP-XXXX as it was seen as a disgrace. SCP-XXXX escaped using a space pod, with the assistance of its parents and crashed on the moon by coincidence.

one incident, SCP-XXXX drew a landscape drawing of its home planet, out of curiosity, and a portrait of its parents. The result was SCP-XXXX manifesting a miniature scale of the landscape, the size of its containment, and its parents were manifested behind SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX became emotionally distressed as it “misses” its parents.

Hooker/attention grabber: The narrative flows by explaining (indirectly) how SCP-XXXX was happy about being the next "controllers" and it being satisfied with the type of society it was. It worked hard to reach its people's expectations but ended up gaining an ability which serves no purpose as a Controller, and end up having their happy vision shattered.

Additional note: Drawings will be included to further bring out the story

Last edited on 16 Aug 2021 21:13 by Lapiz Moon Show more

Critical Crit, Non Staff

DrWoomywood 31 Mar 2021 14:44

+ Woom Crit!

(Note, this is less crit and more of a heads-up.)
Alright, this is an original idea! It has amazing potential if done right. My problems aren't with the idea per se, just with the potential for mistakes. Now, if you go through with this, a big challenge will be putting your wonderful idea through the meat grinder that is clinical tone and the hardships attached. When describing the moon controllers, it will be very difficult to stick with believable science (anomalous or not). When describing the alien species, make sure that their blood color makes sense. For example, if the alien's home planet has a hydrogen atmosphere, the blood could be fluorine solid to bond with the hydrogen for respiration. Since fluorine is generally in the yellow range, the blood would be yellow.
General Reminders <3
Read How To Write An SCP fully, it's easy to use and very helpful!
The foundation is cold, not cruel.
Research a field before writing about it.
Have fun!

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Woomy!~

Last edited on 31 Mar 2021 14:47 by DrWoomywood Show more

Re: Critical Crit, Non Staff

Lapiz Moon 31 Mar 2021 14:56

Thank you very much for the heads up and suggestions! I will see to it that these concerns are answered to, when I write it in draft, and make sure the way I write is affectively brought out.

Re: The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

Naepic 31 Mar 2021 20:28

This focus on the character rather than the Foundation's interactions with them doesn't do well in an SCP format. Fundamentally, the Foundation might not even exist and nothing from your narrative would be missing. Not only that, but the detached nature of the SCp format makes emotional backgrounds difficult to pull off smoothly without coming off as laying it thick on the reader.

This extends itself to the actual writing itself, as it'll be difficult given how the narrative centers so much around the character's backstory, and how it's meant to evoke sympathy. Scenes do not write themselves well in a clinical document. In particular, you yourself state that the narrative will be driven through the character's actions - except the narrative in question is the character's backstory, which makes it difficult for scenes to both seem professional enough for a document and evocative enough to convey their intentions.

If you do intend to go forward with this, look into tales or serpent's hand entries.

Last edited on 03 Apr 2021 01:37 by Naepic Show more

Re: The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

JayKillbam 01 Apr 2021 10:34

Okay, so hi. Thanks for waiting for this. Im gonna just go line by line on what I think of the Idea. My first reaction was that this could be an emotional piece, but the more I think about it, it might do better as a Tale. Also, not that it affects your ability to write a great story, in anyway, I do have to inquire if Elish is not your native language as I feel like some of the train of thought here is lost in trying to describe details in a way you are un familiar with. But anyway, lets get into it:

Son of CRIpTon

Originated from the surface of the moon. - I think what you mean to convey is “Originating from the surface of A moon” Because right away, especially with the title, I thought this was going to be about The Moon, like Earth’s moon, but then it seems that it is not. Maybe change the title to something like “A Portrait of a Moon” os something to hint that this moon is NOT Earths.

A Female humanoid entity, with pure white skin, blue and red heterochromia. - seems like you have an idea on what you want the creature to look like.

So it seems that drawing “helps” the SCP conceptualize what it wishes to form from the black liquid. So the creature in containment would be given drawing supplies to HELP it make things? This could present a severe containment weakness.

What is this liquid made of? Remember this is still an SCP entry, we need scientific details on what the matter is, how the alien sustains life outside its homeward, how the foundation captured it…. Etc.

Is this narrative going to be told in experiments? Interviews? How will the layout be to best tell your story?

“Overseer” - I would try to avoid this word and chose another as the O5 council is also known as “Overseers”

What do the alien race need to “control” the rotation of the moons for, are you going to be able to describe the processes by which a failing of this system would cause the destruction of the planet. And are we talking rotation or revolution of the moon?

Why was SCP-XXXX so special to be chosen for the next position?

Im getting kind of superman vibes, does the space pod crash on one of THIER moons? Or Our Earth moon?

From the idea proposed here it seems that SCP-XXXX has a strong grasp on its abilities, but is considered “dysfunctional” by its people. Why?

Although the idea is intriguing, I would not say this would be and SCP entry, but rather a Tale. I think in that way you can be more liberal and emotional with your delivery.

Anyway, good luck and godspeed! Ill keep an eye out for ya!

---

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

Last edited on 02 Apr 2021 20:43 by JayKillbam Show more

Re: The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

Lapiz Moon 04 Apr 2021 18:01

Thank you very much for the crit! Ill try my best to answer your concerns.

Answers

So it seems that drawing “helps” the SCP conceptualize what it wishes to form from the black liquid. So the creature in containment would be given drawing supplies to HELP it make things? This could present a severe containment weakness.

SCP-XXXX is not given drawing utensils without the supervision of the head researcher responsible and two security guards. SCP-XXXX has a very difficult time manifesting objects without drawing, it is still vulnerable and defenseless at most, so it is fairly easy to contain if XXXX somehow goes against containment.

What is this liquid made of?

how the alien sustains life outside its homeward

The black liquid has the same consistently and density of a substance called ferro fluid (however it is not magnetic) other than that, no chemical tests or bio tests, revealed it being similar to any substances that humans have discovered. Its morphing ability is also shown as anomalous but even through the bio tests, the foundation could prove that the liquid contained microscopic organisms that probably allows the liquid to morph.

As for how XXXX sustains life, I planned on having it wear a "space" suit of some kind (not anything like the ones humans have) this space suit was capable of maintaining XXXX's body pressure and heat when it was on the moon and when it cam to earth, the suit helped "filter" the air in order for it to breath (Research had discovered that XXXX breaths almost the same air as earth but with different percentage of nitrogen, carbon dioxide and oxygen), The suit also has an integrated AI whish tries to gradually learn and decipher the english language. (This allows it to communicate but with broken english)

Is this narrative going to be told in experiments? Interviews? How will the layout be to best tell your story?

Mostly in interview logs and observation logs. However, due to common critiques suggesting this to be a tale, I might do that (but still considering)

What do the alien race need to “control” the rotation of the moons for, are you going to be able to describe the processes by which a failing of this system would cause the destruction of the planet. And are we talking rotation or revolution of the moon?

Why was SCP-XXXX so special to be chosen for the next position?

The description of how failing to control the moons "orbit" is somewhat vaguely told by XXXX in an interview and was later further looked on to by the researchers. And I was talking about the Moons orbit around the planet itself. You see, since their are 7 moons, their is a big gravitational effect, not only on the planet but also between the moons themselves. For example, one moon's gravity may have an affect on another moons orbit and the chain goes on from there to the other moons, and due to the effects of the moons' gravity on the planet, it can cause a major planetary crisis. XXXX's people seemed to have some sort of "psychic" ability, involving gravity, however, these abilities vary from person to person and not everyone is able to maintain the abilities effect. (There is a lot of things involving the hierarchy and the type of society XXXX's people live by) - but it is due to this that they decided to make a system of sorts, a system that involves choosing a particular individual to wield the psychic ability, strong enough to control the moon. (Again, there is an hierarchy here that involves "families" and from those families an individual is chosen to "train", gain experience and possess the ability) (They do this in an unknown time range, but its after when a "controller" of one of the moons die)

XXXX happened to be one of the chosen candidates to wield the ability but after it did get the ability, the ability ended up being completely different from what they wanted (theories suggests it is due to XXXX's psychology)

Im getting kind of superman vibes, does the space pod crash on one of THIER moons? Or Our Earth moon?

I worded that very wrong, sorry. Yes, the pod crashed on Earth's moon.

From the idea proposed here it seems that SCP-XXXX has a strong grasp on its abilities, but is considered “dysfunctional” by its people. Why?

It doesn't exactly have full grasps of its ability, as said it has an extremely difficult time morphing the liquid without the help of an external image for it to conceptualize. Even so, the reason why it was considered "dysfunctional" is because they don't have the concept of "art" or, to put it very simply, "creativity", so XXXX wasn't able to show that it was able to control its ability with the help of drawing. Also, also, the reason why they gave (not exactly "gave" but "hoped for") XXXX its abilities, was in hopes that the ability XXXX gains will be able to control the moons orbit, in one or another, but instead XXXX gained an ability that did not corrolate with their goals.

Finally, during the writing of these answers I came to realize that this may work much better as a very, very long tale, which perhaps I can split into two or three.

Re: The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

Lapiz Moon 04 Apr 2021 18:04

Thank you very much for the crit. I have also begun to notice that this entire narrative will be easier and more effectively brought out through a tale rather than an article. And after other common crits suggesting I write this as a tale. I will consider doing this as a tale.

Re: The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

tawnyowljones 01 Apr 2021 16:36

Hi!

+ Crit Crit

I have two main concerns here.

The first is that the Foundation don't really factor into this. SCP articles are shown from the perspective of the Foundation and they should feature in some way, even when using format screws. You have to show how the Foundation interacts with and perceives your anomaly.

A way to bypass this entirely would be to write a Tale instead. You have a fairly solid backstory set up here which is the main focus of your narrative (as opposed to the events which occur when SCP-XXXX is in containment). That's not to say your anomaly can't be contained by the Foundation, it can be. A Tale format would allow you to tell the story through your anomaly, rather than through the Foundation. It's a totally different emotional scope, and something to consider.

My other concern is that, regardless of format, I'm unsure as to how you are going to tell both the backstory and the incident that occurs in containment without it seeming disjointed.

We don't really get to see much into your anomaly's abilities beyond the incident; it doesn't seem to be part of the same story. The incident in itself provides an emotional link, but it's barely connected to the rest of the story. That being said, it's not a bad conclusion, it's just in the wrong place.

Are you planning on drawing this, rather than writing it? Drawing it may well provide a solution to the problem of not seeing your anomaly utilising its abilities. If you want to write it, you need to make sure you fill the gap between your anomaly crashing into the moon and your anomaly drawing its planet in containment.

Re: The Moon's Artist (Seeking Greenlight)

Grigori Karpin 06 Apr 2021 04:06

I think this could possibly work as an SCP… BUT i think its important to think out how you're going to layout the article without doing exposition dumps or drifting into prose.

How do you intend to format the article?

please explain, go ahead and right out an outline for me and show me what sort of documents you plan to communicate this narrative to the reader.

(Pm me when you've responded and I will take a look)

Last edited on 06 Apr 2021 04:07 by Grigori Karpin Show more