Revenge

Summary:

an SCP takes Revenge

Revenge

(account deleted) 11 Mar 2021 17:23

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article,

Genre : Horror, Drama/Emotional

Elevator Pitch: We all know the foundation humanoid scps are prisoners And it never seems to backfire. So it's the one time that it backfires and now they have avengeful ghost running through the halls of site 17

Central Narrative: scp 5* Is a young girl who Has some psychic powers. ( it doesn't really matter to the narrative ) After being a foundation custody for a for a few she years killed herself in the shower with a sacrificial dagger. few weeks later staf Start reporting that they feel someone's behind them message start aappearing in the project leaks office ( Who am I , why are you doing this? And I'm going to kill you.painfully ) and few days later a guard gets murdered. Uh, oh. Scp 5* comes back as a ghost And it's Wants Revenge So it's starts murdering the containment team one by one in gruesome fashion It's finishing with the Project Lead. after taking It's revenge It's disappears
Hook/Attention-Grabber: It's aunstoppables ghost. Who taks Revenge on the Foundation what would you ask?

Additional Notes: I have dyslexia, so I will need help with di article

Last edited on 20 Mar 2021 11:49 by (account deleted) Show more

Re: Revenge

YokaiWeb 11 Mar 2021 20:31

why is your elevator pitch, central narrative, and Hook/Attention grabber all the same? also, wdym

a humanoid SCP commit suicide and take revenge on her captors

where is the scp part? what does the scp that committed suicide do? why did it commit suicide? and if it's dead how does it take revenge??? none of this makes sense. I would advise you edit this to be less sloppy.

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crog

Re: Revenge

Ohohih 19 Mar 2021 21:19

You have a semblance of a narrative with the SCP, and perhaps an account of her deeds, but I still have some problems. The biggest problem is that, in its current form, this is slightly unintelligible. Now of course this is no problem spelling-wise (I suggest Grammarly for spelling help), but grammar-wise it's incomprehensible. What sorts of assaults, what sorts of messages appear? Also, how do they contain this "unstoppable ghost". The foundation's job is to contain, so if it can't be contained why is there a page for it. And I would say the psychic powers do matter for the narrative. That is one part that you can tell a story with. Can she control animals in some sort of critique on how she is viewed as an animal by the foundation? (this is a very fast thought-up idea, go wild with it). I really suggest you brainstorm. What helps is creating a summarized timeline for the main events.

Re: Revenge

(account deleted) 19 Mar 2021 21:26

actually, I was planning Make her self neutralize after killing all the containment team

Re: Revenge

Angryman22 20 Mar 2021 17:25

FYI, a lot of your central narrative is bolded. You most likely have some misplaced asterisks (*). Please edit this out in the future.

she years killed herself in the shower with a sacrificial dagger

Out of the blue? Surely the foundation would have noticed some signs right? Also, where did this knife come from? The foundation would not allow anomalies access to weaponry of any sort.

The foundation care about their anomalies well-being, so all the girl would have to do was make a reasonable request and it would be fulfilled in exchange for her cooperation.

Overall, I think you need to understand that the foundation deeply cares about their anomalies. Think of them like children, you care about them, but you need to keep them safe and prevent them from endangering others as well.

P.S. I understand you have dyslexia, so I recommend pasting your post into a word document and using the spelling and grammar checker there to help.