Hunter Cubes (Updated v9)

Summary:

The remmanent's of a now dead space civilization

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Hunter Cubes (Updated v9)

Dr BlueSpot 18 Feb 2021 18:18

The remmanent's of a now dead space civilization, utilized by its people as weapons due to there inherently violent behavior, the foundation has declined requests to be used in combat scenarios due to ethical issue's.

Seeking Greenlights: YES

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Scifi

Page Layout (Optional)((revised)): The Page will contain about as much information as it will lore, the appeal of this page will hopefully lay in it's lore appeal and information appeal. There will be some experimenting with the layout of the page.

Elevator Pitch: After a exploration of a abandoned lab located in Alaska a box labeled "Hunter cube's" was found shortly after contact the team was lost, a MTF unit was later sent in to recover the item's, in the recovery process 2 personnel were lost, recovered footage has shown that the Scp terminated the MTF unit by accelerating to high speed's and rammed itself through the chest of both personnel, killing them instantly. Scp-XXXX appears to be capable of communication via some form of telepathy and appears to have the ability to talk in a vaguely human like voice, subjects that have talked to them report a distinct sharpness to its voice.

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Central Narrative: After being retrieved the package was opened to reveal two smooth black cube's, the cube's then proceeded to immediately attack everyone who came near them, after a few minute's there aggression appeared to cease and they were transported swiftly to the facility. After watching the recovery logs Dr Blue requested to oversee the Scp, this request was granted. In his conversation's Dr Blue noted that he noticed underlying violent tendencies. During his time working with the Scp, Dr blue had assigned them the designations of HC-V2-1 and HC-V2-2 to help people tell the difference between them, it has been noted by Dr Blue that the two can be told apart by personality, with him claiming that HC-V2-1 is more clinical and professional while HC-V2-2 is more talkative and tends to be playful and not take situations seriously. When asked by Dr Blue if they had any personal requests HC-V2-1 demanded to be referred to as "Wolf" and HC-V2-1 asked to be referred to as "Smith" both requests were accepted. During initial tests done by Dr Blue, the site was raided by a branch of the Chaos Insurgency, footage and log's recovered revealed that Dr Blue and Scp-XXXX worked together to wait it out.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: This article will not only document what Scp-XXXX is but it will follow the tale of Dr Blue's growing friendship with the Scp's, what originally started out as professional courtesy will turn into a great friendship between blue and the entities, this help's blue realize the ethical ramifications of his actions, after a certain amount of time he is informed that during the containment breach he was involved in the Scp's were found to have indirectly killed 2 senior researchers and that the ethics committee was in the process of getting a termination order on the Scp. Despite the fact that the two researchers who died had both been Dr Blue's former mentor's he still work's to convince the ethic's committee to not pass the termination order.

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-Dr.BlueSpot

Last edited on 11 Mar 2021 15:08 by Dr BlueSpot Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Truc Linh 01 Mar 2021 03:22

Dr BlueSpot, per the required forum guidelines found here: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas

The combined text of the last four sections¹of the template may not exceed 400 words.

What you currently have is about 180 words over the limit. For future reference, you can check word count using this site: https://wordcounter.net/

Please edit and trim your post accordingly rather than creating a new thread, and if you are having trouble editing, click the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of your post. Please feel free to then reach out to a reviewer for your concept: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

For advice on how to summarize your material, please consider this thread for guidance: http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13369776/how-do-i-remain-brief-when-writing-an-scp-concept

Footnotes

1. Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes.

Re: Hunter Cubes (Updated v8)

Dr Wile 04 Mar 2021 18:21

Summoned via PM Placeholder, PM again if I don't crit within 48 hours!

Re: Hunter Cubes (Updated v9)

Dr BlueSpot 24 Mar 2021 17:04

Update:
Due to personal obligations I have been unable as of late to work on this project of mine, I think it is important that I notify and staff or site members reading that this project is not retired and I will continue major work on it in a bit over a month, I apologize for the inconvenience this may cause to anyone

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-Dr.BlueSpot

Re: Hunter Cube's

Dr Sage Evergreen 19 Feb 2021 04:31

Placeholder, will crit in 24 hours
Incredibly sorry for the late reply!
Here is my critique:

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Ooh! A scifi SCP! You had my curiosity before, but now, you have my attention. I do quite like the concept: the remnants of an ancient civilization that the SCP foundation attempts to weaponize. Although, I do have a number of concerns, esspecially pertaining to things that my fellow critters have mentioned below. So, this post will focus a bit more on making suggestions for plot points rather than talking about other aspects of your story.

• The Cubes: Now, I really, really Zoobeny's idea of giving each of the cubes a personality. Is one sly, and the other strong? Perhaps both are cheeky and mischevious, acting similair to 999, but more murderous? Perhaps the cubes have the minds of children? And are unaware of the devastating impact they have when they kill someone? Perhaps to them, it's all a game? You definetly want some sort of interpersonal, or in this case, intercubenal conflict. Some sort of pressing moral issue or theme at the very core. Just food for thought!
• Weaponization:This somewhat ties in to my previous point. How exactly do the cubes feel about being made into weapons? How do the researchers around them feel about potentially taking advantage of the abilities of these cubes to accomplish their own goals? Especially if the cubes are child-like in nature? Do the cubes have free will in the first place? Perhaps they are sapient, but can't quite control their bodies when ordered around by their owners?
• The Civilization: If I'm being honest, I'm a bit more interested in the civilization rather than the GOi, and I feel exploring the civilization and their nature and why they created the cubes may be quite an interesting plot, as opposed to conflicts that the Foundation has against other groups. Perhaps have a hidden log that Dr. Blue finds that explains why these cubes themselves were the downfall of the civilization?
• The Lore: I think you go a bit overboard with the lore. Most of your post is exposition. There's barely any meat about the storyline. You need a story. Not a summary. Find a way to sneak expositiion in there through the words of the cube. Honestly, all you need to talk about lore-wise is the presence of an alien civilization that made the cubes. The stuff you have in "Some Lore I couldn't find room for" may better fit under central narrative

Overall, I do believe this idea has potential, but I need you to revise your original post a bit. Once you do so, DM me. Then I'll come back and take another look, and hopefully, give you your first greenlight! Great job so far, and good luck!

Following edits made to the post, I think it's solid enough to receive a tentative greenlight.

Last edited on 07 Mar 2021 01:53 by Dr Sage Evergreen Show more

Re: Hunter Cube's

Dr BlueSpot 22 Feb 2021 17:50

Its been a bit longer then 24 hours, but its your time so I can wait.

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-Dr.BlueSpot

Re: Hunter Cube's

Zoobeeny 22 Feb 2021 18:04

Hello Dr Bluespot. Sometimes reviewers can forget that they've left placeholders on threads. Wikidot as a platform doesn't have a system in place to allow for replies to notify the individual that they've been responded to.

If you would like to, you could send a Wikidot PM to Dr Sage Evergreen, however, and politely ask if they're still going to crit your concept as per their placeholder, or if external circumstances are barring them from doing so.

Should Dr Sage Evergreen not be able to crit, you may want to go to the Butterfly Squad Roster and contact one of our many established reviewers.

Re: Hunter Cube's

Dr Sage Evergreen 25 Feb 2021 18:04

Crit made following Edits:

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• What exactly do you mean by lore? Do you mean exposition? Lore is defined as "a body of knowledge or tradition that is passed down among members of a culture." The SCP community already has its own lore. The only lore you should have in here should be about the alien civilization or new GOI. And even then, don't have half your story be exposition and the rest be the actual story. You need to minimize the amount of background info the readers need to get through. Otherwise, it becomes boring and aggravating to read.

the cube's then proceeded to immediately attack everyone who came within 5 feet of them after a few minutes there aggression appeared to die down. Later testing involving a standard IQ quiz revealed a high intelligence, more test's were later done seeing how the Scp would react to different combat scenario's, the result's showed a high level of combat understanding in naval, ground, and space warfare tactics. The combat test's also revealed that they have highly violent tendencies and will often take the most quick and violent way to resolve the situation. Scp-XXXX has shown dismay towards tests that won't have a violent outcome, when Dr Blue asked why HC-V2-1 said "It isn't what we were made for" and HC-V2-2 become uncomfortable and refused to answer, Test's that were done too look into this have shown that both instances of Scp-XXXX show a great deal of excitement in the time before and after a lethal test, after this event multiple simple tests were done, Scp-XXXX showed a great deal of disappointment during all of the tests and at time's would attempt to find a way to integrate violence into the test

• This can all be summarized into "The Cubes are violent always want to kill". You don't need to give me every specific detail, like the five feet or the IQ test. What does talking about the Cubes' IQ tell the reader? If it isn't adding to the plot, it shouldn't be in the story. I'd much rather have you talk to me about Blue's interaction with the cubes than spend more than half the article talking about meaningless exposition for the cubes.

• Everything in your hook section should be in your Narrative section. Your Hook section should answer the question "Why should I read your SCP?"

• Instead of Cold and cruel personalities, perhaps have something a bit less polarized? Perhaps one is talkative and playful, while the other is reserved and strict/proffesional, and always scolds the other.

There is still A LOT that needs to be fixed with this SCP before it can be greenlighted, but in short, maximize the actual story about Blue and his relationship with the SCP and the alien civilization, AND cut down on the amount of exposition. I don't need to know how big the cubes are. I don't need to know everything they say. I don't need to know their kill radius. I don't need to know their IQ Score. Just tell me what part they play in the story.

Last edited on 25 Feb 2021 18:05 by Dr Sage Evergreen Show more

Re: Hunter Cube's

Dr Hajovsky 19 Feb 2021 05:18

Hi there Dr BlueSpot, let's take a look at your concept.

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Overall:
I get the feeling this concept is very ambitious, but ultimately it's lacking some of the fundamentals. I'll try to give advice on how to achieve what you're going for.

Generally, more current articles are expected to have a narrative playing out over the course of their article. This concept doesn't seem to have a narrative right now, so here's some questions to get that going: Who sent the cubes to the Foundation? What occurred during testing? How has the Foundation utilized the cubes after discovering their properties? Exploring these ideas will help you to write an interesting story that will keep readers interested.

Specific:

The Bulk of it will probably rely on lore to make up for the lack of information on it.

Leaving information or story out of a main article isn't usually a good idea. Even if the information is covered elsewhere, a reader may simply see this article as uninteresting or too light on story. This will inevitably lead to a downvote.

The foundation received a package containing 2 smooth black cube's along with a instruction book, the label? BlackHole Industries Hunter Cubes V 2.0

This essentially creates an entirely new GoI, which isn't really necessary, as there are existing GoIs that fit this action well. There's also not a narrative need for the box to show up at the Foundation's front door either. They can simply be discovered in another location.

They are capable of quickly dispatching or incapacitating a target.

How do the cubes dispatch their targets?

a extreme level of knowledge in tactic's.

How have the cubes demonstrated their knowledge in tactics? Are they sentient and can communicate with humans? I just ask since this isn't explained in the post.

Advice:
This concept falls into the pitfall of making an SCP too powerful or perfect. Yes, this has been done with several SCPs in the past, but is generally a sign of poor writing on the current site. Making the cubes immune to all weaponry, deadly, and extremely intelligent just ends up sounding uninteresting.

In general, it's not a good idea to redact something in your idea post, even if you plan to redact it in your final draft. For a guide on how to better use redactions on the site currently, use this link.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like me to do a follow up, as I might not see it otherwise. Good with your concept!

Re: Hunter Cube's (Updated)

Zoobeeny 22 Feb 2021 19:54

Summoned via PM.

Alright, let's do this.

Don't Crit Open Inside

First things first, I think your narrative is too barren. Right now, it's just exposition about the abilities of this SCP, and frankly, this is quite boring.

There are tons of SCPs that are super dangerous and are super powerful, what makes them different is the story behind them. Every narrative needs at least three core components:
Character
Conflict
Conclusion

For Character, who is involved in your narrative? What do they do in response to the SCP? You need to flesh out personality. (This doesn't need to be explicitly stated in your post though, so don't worry. You just need to know this information so when the conflict occurs, you know how each character reacts)

For Conflict, what happens in the narrative? What is the opposition to the protagonists (as dictated in Characters)? What needs to happen? What makes the narrative maintain its tension? What drives the story and makes the reader want to finish?

For Conclusion, effectively, what happens to resolve the conclusion? Keep in mind this doesn't mean the protagonists have to win. They could equally lose, or they could reach a stalemate, hell, the plot could end incredibly vague.
Regardless, the Conclusion has to resolve the conflict in some way.

Now, for plot issues.
I don't believe the SCP would be used for combative purposes by the Foundation. They don't know anything about the manufacturer, they don't know their purpose, they know nothing besides the fact that they are incredibly dangerous and efficient at killing.

You also say that this SCP has "a high intelligence" however intelligence isn't a standard, but a metric. How does the Foundation gauge the intelligence of this SCP?
Next, how does this SCP show a knowledge of combat tactics?

I'm hesitant about this SCP because right now it seems to be a story-less concept about super powerful objects.

Hope this helps.

Re: Hunter Cube's (Updated v2)

Dr Hajovsky 23 Feb 2021 03:16

Summoned Back Via PM

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in the recovery process 2 personnel were lost, later testing releveled a possible use in combat

It's still pretty unclear how the cubes actually kill people.

it will slowly dawn upon him that the scp itself caused the species extinction, this will be reflected in his interview log's and in some of the experiment log's with the Doctor slowly adding more containment protocol's as he realizes this.

While this is definitely an improvement, it feels like it needs just that little bit extra to properly finish out the story. I have a few ideas on how this will be accomplished down below.

I have to say that I enjoy this new version of the concept much more than the previous one. You've added in some small details here and there that describe the cubes as being sentient and intelligent, which got me thinking, there's a really nice opportunity to delve into the ethics of A.I. and whether machines will be able to feel. It'd also be fun and interesting to give each of the two cubes a personality and different designations. This would help build them up as interesting and individual characters, but with the underlying tone that they were still built to kill. At the end, instead of simply having the researcher realize what the cubes did, you could maybe debate as to whether or not to tell them. (Since by this point we've grown to like the cubes as characters and they've expressed a desire to reunite with their creators, so telling them could potentially crush them.) Following this idea, you could throw in some commentary on mankind's constant technological march, with the researcher asking "How long will it be until we build something like them?". Alternatively, you could have the cubes realize it on their own, and be existentially conflicted with who they are as sentient beings and what they were built to do.

Ultimately, you've created some excellent narrative opportunity with making the cubes sentient and giving them this backstory. By exploring this idea further, I feel you could make a really great article.

Re: Hunter Cube's (Updated v4)

Zoobeeny 24 Feb 2021 19:10

Re-Summoned via PM.

Alright, let's do this again.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's been enough change from the previous iteration to warrant a greenlight just yet.

As Dr Hajovsky stated, you have a very strong lore foundation here, but there's still not that much actual story here. You told me in a PM that the story was about the testing of the SCP and how they typically only reacted positively to tests involving violence. Why not expand on this and explore the ethical ramifications of uncooperative AI unless violence is involved?

How does Dr Blue react to these SCP when they won't do anything but fight? How does the SCP react if they are given/refused violent tests?

How does this story end? It needs to suitably lay to rest the majority of the conflict, and you weren't quite clear in the PMs you sent me earlier.

As it remains, it still requires some work on the narrative aspect. You seem to have your characters more fleshed out now, so just put them into a believable scenario and end that scenario. You have a lot of lore, now put that lore to use.

Re: Hunter Cube's (Updated v5)

Dr Hajovsky 25 Feb 2021 03:31

Summoned Back Via PM

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Scp terminated the MTF unit by accelerating to high speed's and rammed itself through the chest of both personnel, killing them instantly

Glad to finally have a description of how the cubes kill since it was always so vague before. I think the visual image of a (presumably large) square shaped hole through a human is simple, yet gruesome and memorable.

Afterword's the same test's were ran, this time with Dr Blue present, during this time both HC-V2-1 and HC-V2-2 didn't display any sign's of disappointment and interacted with him during the whole process, whether or not this is a direct result of his presence is still unknown.

Having the cubes bond with the researcher is definitely a step in the direction of an interesting narrative, but the way it's described makes it seem spontaneous and almost inexplicable. The growing bond between the cubes and Dr. Blue that you're going for could be shown better through the interviews where we learn more about the cubes and their past. All we'd need to know is what Dr. Blue is providing emotionally to the cubes. Why do they enjoy his company specifically and what has he done in terms of talking or other interactions to earn that enjoyment?

Scp-XXXX has shown dismay towards tests that won't have a violent outcome, when asked why they said "It isn't what we were made for"

This setup opens up a narrative that could revolve around Dr. Blue trying to find the cubes a hobby that doesn't involve murder, or at least involves it but in a not dangerous way. This would shift the tone to be a bit more lighthearted, as Blue tries over and over with wildly different hobbies until he eventually succeeds in finding something that the cubes enjoy. This would make the article somewhat reminiscent of [[[SCP-5031]]. While that could work to the articles benefits, as there's clearly a market for that type of story, it might be treading the same ground to much.

HC-V2-1 has demanded that it be referred to as "devox", while HC-V2-2 has requested that it be referred to as "dox" both of these requests were accepted. It is important to note that HC-V2-1 has a more cold cruel personality while HC-V2-2 has a more warm personality

Alternatively, and I think this is a much better possible narrative than the one I pointed out above, you could have the story revolve around the growing divide between devox and dox. Over the course of the story, you could show dox being more receptive and friendly to the test and Blue. Meanwhile, devox is steadfast in their commitment to killing and is somewhat hostile. Something happens to make these issues come to a head, and devox ends up almost killing Blue before being stopped and destroyed in turn by dox. You could then throw in some lines detailing dox's turmoil at having killed what was essentially his only family to save what he considers his new family: the Foundation and Dr. Blue.

"devox" "dox"

I think human names would be better here since they can be memorized easier and having these murderous cubes be named something like Simon would be pretty funny and memorable to me. As is though, I think the names are too similar sounding. It could be hard to tell at a glance which one is which.

Also, this has been bugging me for a while now. You keep using apostrophes on plural words. For instance, it's "Cubes" and "times", not "Cube's" or "time's". I mean, they're not possessing anything, so they shouldn't have an apostrophe.

Last edited on 25 Feb 2021 03:36 by Dr Hajovsky Show more

Re: Hunter Cubes (Updated v6)

Dr Hajovsky 28 Feb 2021 05:02

Summoned Back Via PM

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when Dr Blue asked why HC-V2-1 said "It isn't what we were made for" and HC-V2-2 become uncomfortable and refused to answer

I'm liking these examples of characterization you've added. They clearly show a difference in the cubes personality. However, I'm a little worried since it seems like it's just starting off by having the cubes differ in personality. This kind of robs the story of its arc. Ideally, the cubes should start off basically the same, but over the course of the article, we see that -2 has slowly become more open to things besides murder while -1 hasn't.

Dr Blue has shown a extreme amount of respect and trust towards both instance's which may explain their attitude towards him.

Dr. Blue's inclusion does admittedly feel a little thrown in, and the fact that we're not really shown why he has respect or trust in the cubes makes it feel unearned. (Things like "more social towards Dr Blue for reasons unknown" doesn't help the it feel less contrived either) I would just briefly mention a reason or an event that caused Dr. Blue to trust the cubes and how it led the cubes to like Blue.

The main issue here is still the lack of a satisfying conclusion. You have a good setup with the differences in the cubes and they're relationship with Blue, but it doesn't go anywhere. Have the characters do something that causes them to enter conflict with an external force or each other. We need to feel like the themes A.I. having personalities and their relationship with humanity are actually utilized in some way. Perhaps you can detail the events of a GoI raid conducted by an MTF and the cubes (disregarding the ethical concerns of using them on the battlefield) What would happen during the raid that would cause some kind of narrative shift? How would the opinions of battle differ between the cubes? What does Blue think of them being used in this way and what comes of it?

Re: Hunter Cubes (Updated v7)

Dr Hajovsky 01 Mar 2021 18:53

Summoned Back Via PM

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researcher Dr Blue requested to be sent in so he could try and deal with the situation first hand, this request was reluctantly accepted by the MTF leader who was later reprimanded for allowing Dr Blue to participate in a active raid

This does a good job of establishing Blue's character, which is a major improvement over the previous iteration. That being said, it's a little uncharacteristic of the Foundation to let a researcher participate in a raid. I think this should be changed so that the Foundation manages to get the cubes under control and in containment, and only then does he get the opportunity to attempt peaceful negotiations after observing the cubes were of human intelligence.

what originally started out as professional courtesy will turn into a great friendship between blue and the entities, it will also show the ethical ramifications that follow along with this growing friendship and how it change some of his view of the world, in the end Dr Blue will have to make a choice between his friendship and the foundation.

I'm pretty on board with this narrative, however, I'd like to have a concrete description of things like "ethical ramifications", "change his view of the world", what Blue's decision will be, why it was made, and what the fallout will be. (This should be as a response to this post, since adding any more to your original post would probably run over the word limit) Once I know these things are going to be explored in a satisfying and complete manner, I would consider giving this concept a greenlight.

Re: Hunter Cubes (Updated v8)

Impperatrix 04 Mar 2021 18:43

I WAS SUMMONED (via PM!)

Some minor notes

In his conversation's Dr Blue noted that he noticed underlying violent tendencies.

"In his conversations, Dr. Blue has noticed underlying violent tendencies." Also, do the cubes speak? How?

designations of HC-V2-1 and HC-V2-2

I think it is a protocol that the skips "parts" may be called SCP-XXXX-[NUMBER] or SCP-XXXX-[LETTER], so the better option here is SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2. It gets more into the general canon.

When asked by Dr Blue if they had any personal requests HC-V2-1 demanded to be referred to as "Wolf" and HC-V2-1 asked to be referred to as "Smith" both requests were accepted.

Generally, it's accepted as a protocol that skips may be called by their designations. They can have these names, but researchers rarely call them by these terms. Generally, only psychologists from the Foundation call skips by their names. It's something about the "Cold (but not Cruel)" characteristic of the Foundation.

the site was raided by a GUI

I think you mean GoI. Also, which one? There's a huge number of GoIs.

[REDACTED]

Don't use redactions, black blocks, or expurgations on ideas. When pitching an idea, you are trying to give as much information as possible.

An overall

First talking about the narrative, the idea of skips being friendly towards Foundation isn't a new one but here it seems unnatural. The cubes are alien weapons made to kill, why they simply decided to be friends with Dr. Blue? You need a very good motive for this to happen here. Also, Blue's friendship with the skips is something that is not seen with good eyes by most of the Foundation's staff as it can compromise the work of the research. You can create a healthy friendship between personnel and skip in situations where the skip is Safe, presents no risk, and will be always compliant, but here you have a Euclid/Keter duo of deadly weapons that can easily kill humans.

Also, I really hoped for more lore about the cubes within this summary. Where they come from? How they came to Earth? Their objective is just to kill or are they trying to do a mission? If they have a mission, what it is?

The story right now is just showing both of the skips as some kind of anti-heroes that befriend a scientist and become superheroes and that's very weak lore. I suggest that you focus on showing what are these cubes, where they came from, and why they are here.

And reading suggestions

I'm not very into Sci-Fi skips, but I know some of them that created bounds with the Foundation and helped them, just as you want to do. My better recommendations are SCP-4051, SCP-4966 and SCP-5001. These skips, as you seem to want your to be, were discovered by the Foundation and somehow weaponized by them and, in the two first cases, became "friends" with personnel.

Maybe SCP-5623, SCP-3000 and SCP-4217 can help you to figure out some things about how to create this "alien" feeling within your skip.

As of now, no-greenlight, but you're really going somewhere!

Good luck and good writing!

Re: Hunter Cubes (Updated v8)

Dr BlueSpot 10 Mar 2021 16:13

Thank's for the feedback I have been trying to figure out a way I could follow the original storyline while still making it feel cannon

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-Dr.BlueSpot

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