Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

stanusbeki 18 Feb 2021 17:49

Edited do incorporate feedback by Dr Hajovsky and Dr Sage Evergreen

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Horror

Elevator Pitch:
A researcher who came into contact with an artifact which gradually distorts reality for everyone but them. Basically a riff on the horrors of dementia, as reality is increasingly out of sync with the subject's memories.

Central Narrative:

During initial analysis of the artifact, researcher X comes into contact with it. From then on, reality is gradually altered for everyone but X. X finally suspects that the artifact is altering reality and finds a way to destroy it. However, even though this halts the alteration, the previous changes to reality remain permanent.

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The story is mostly told though transcripts of interviews with X, who originally seeks help for a suspected mental condition. At first, the impact of the changes are merely an inconvenience, like X not remembering where their quarters at Site XX are. It gradually gets darker, as first X's close friend, who has been conducting the interviews up to this point, ceases to exist/is replaced by an alternative friend whom X has no recollection of. Next, X's family ceases to exist as reality shifts in such a way that X never met their spouse.

All the while, X becomes ever more convinced that they are not going insane, but the artifact is changing reality. They finally manage to gain access to the place the artifact is contained and are successful in destroying it. The act of destruction bathes X in "reality distortion energy" (would research a fitting in-universe term), which gives their presence mild reality-warping effects that mandate containment as an anomalous entity (explaining why X is not simply remanded to a mental health facility). This last part is told through an attached incident report referenced in the "object's" description.

Hook/Attention-Grabber:
The article focuses not on an anomalous entity and its properties, but upon a person gradually becoming a stranger to the world itself. Imagine the existential horror of not knowing if the person you remember talking to yesterday still exists, or has ever existed.

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 09:45 by stanusbeki Show more

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

Dr Sage Evergreen 19 Feb 2021 04:32

Placeholder, will crit in 24 hours
So sorry for the late reply: Here lies your critique:

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Not gonna lie, this is a really juicy idea! Simply the prospect of slowly using your sanity, unable to recognize the once-familiar world around you is something so terrifyingly intriguing, and wonderful in a surreal sort of way. Your central narrative is absolutely wonderful. I rarely see concepts with such well-thought out storylines! Great character development, and it ties in well with the Wiki's current lore. There are, however, a handful of suggestions I have.

• What's the point of making the researcher go insane? I get it takes a rather large mental toll on him. What if the Foundation deems him insane, but in reality, this reality is simply unrecognizable to him, and as such, he is unrecognizable to it. I feel like that's a slightly better alternative to simply having the item compel the researcher to perform a certain way.
• I don't think the researcher himself should be the SCP. I think it may be better for the artifact to be the anomaly, or perhaps, both are separate parts of the same phenomena. Could you also describe what the artifact/item is exactly?
• Update your Hook part: What you wrote in that section may make a good add-on to your elevator pitch. But the hook should explain what's unique about your story. It should answer the question "Why should I read your article, and not another?"
• A bit of an odd suggestion plot-wise: What if the object, instead of causing the researcher to have reality bend around him, instead transports him to different dimensions? But keeps him in the original dimension at the same time? In other words, what if the artifact fuses all the different versions of him across all different dimensions, creating a single, powerful, confused multi-dimensional being? Just an idea. I know it changes your idea drastically. Up to you if you'd like to use it!

I do think this idea is stable enough to give it a Greenlight, so congrats! If you'd like, please DM me if you would like any more advice/comments/concerns, and do keep me updated on the status of your article! I'll promise to reply faster next time. But until then, best of luck!

Last edited on 23 Feb 2021 18:05 by Dr Sage Evergreen Show more

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

stanusbeki 24 Feb 2021 10:02

Hello Dr Sage Evergreen,

thank you for taking the time to critique my concept!

What's the point of making the researcher go insane? I get it takes a rather large mental toll on him. What if the Foundation deems him insane, but in reality, this reality is simply unrecognizable to him, and as such, he is unrecognizable to it. I feel like that's a slightly better alternative to simply having the item compel the researcher to perform a certain way.

What you describe is exactly what I had in mind. The researcher is only insane from the Foundation's perspective. Perhaps I need to rework the post, since the intentions are obviously not completely clear.

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I don't think the researcher himself should be the SCP. I think it may be better for the artifact to be the anomaly, or perhaps, both are separate parts of the same phenomena. Could you also describe what the artifact/item is exactly?

In my original idea, the artifact was the SCP and X self-terminated because they couldn't take the emotional strain. However, I came to the conclusion that it would be a more horrific fate to be forever trapped in a strange universe than to be driven to suicide. I do agree that the artifact should feature more prominently in the description and have given it its own section in the structure overview I wrote for caspian2 (see post below).

As to what exactly the artifact is, I'm not completely sure yet. The plan is to browse the Creative Commons Image Archive for something creepy and feasibly destructible without the use of tools. That image would then be incorporated into the article as a pre-destruction picture of the artifact.

Update your Hook part: What you wrote in that section may make a good add-on to your elevator pitch. But the hook should explain what's unique about your story. It should answer the question "Why should I read your article, and not another?"

You are absolutely right, Hook section updated accordingly.

A bit of an odd suggestion plot-wise: What if the object, instead of causing the researcher to have reality bend around him, instead transports him to different dimensions? But keeps him in the original dimension at the same time? In other words, what if the artifact fuses all the different versions of him across all different dimensions, creating a single, powerful, confused multi-dimensional being? Just an idea. I know it changes your idea drastically. Up to you if you'd like to use it!

A fascinating idea. While I won't be using it in this article, as it does constitute a major departure from the storyline, I would very much like your permission to use this idea in a future piece.

Once again, thank you for your time and your feedback!

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 10:08 by stanusbeki Show more

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

Dr Hajovsky 19 Feb 2021 04:39

Hi there stanusbeki, let's take a look at your concept.

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Overall:
It's quite an interesting concept you have here. The idea of multiple realities/ our reality not being the base reality is an idea that is played around with pretty often, but I like the direction you take with your concept.

The narrative you have set up is pretty fleshed out, but I think it ends up being a little predictable in terms of where it's going. It'd be hard to set up the fact that this artifact changes a reality into our own in the context of an article. There's also the questions of why did the artifact just stop changing things at a certain point, and why it hadn't started changing reality before it's discovered. (This does lead into some interesting existentialism however, perhaps by leaving the article on the possibility that these changes are still occurring, we just don't notice them).

While I like the tone you give to the story towards the end, I'm a little worried about the tone shifting from being played for laughs to suicide. I'd suggesting keeping the laughs or inconsistencies played for a joke to the minimum, as it's hard to get a reader to go from laughing to feeling bad for a character in the span of a single article.

Specific:

events which would have seemed preposterous a short while ago (The president of the US is that guy from The Apprentice?!)

I don't know if you plan to include this particular example in your article, but this feels a little out of place since the other examples are of people or things suddenly appearing or disappearing. A change in career, even one as strange as this, just feels like it doesn't fit in a story about reality changing with an ending as serious as the one you've outlined here.

we learn that in the original reality, the Foundation is a "knight in shining armor"-organisation. This is made possible by the discovery of an artifact which allows for perfect containment of any anomaly.

Attributing this other version of the Foundation's success to one anomaly can distract from the narrative, as simply mention this mythical perfect container will immediately get the reader interested in that. The time spent describing the means by which this other Foundation contains anomalies is time not spent with the main narrative and can disrupt the flow of the article.

The revelation, that the organisation that X has dedicated their life to, commits the heinous albeit necessary acts we know it for, along with the previous stresses, drives X to self-terminate.

I would focus mainly on the psychological impact of the researcher essentially losing their entire reality here. The change to the Foundation feels a bit unnecessary, since if it's done right, you've written a character who is essentially a foreigner in the purest sense. Perhaps as so many changes occur, they are the only one left from the original reality. Everything they've ever known is lost to them, and they decide that there's no point in continuing to be the last remnant of a bygone reality.

Advice:
For the hook, perhaps changing what the artifact is would be enough. Let's say the actual SCP listed is a note/message that appeared one day detailing these events. Or, perhaps the actual SCP is researcher X themselves, a person that claims they are from an alternate reality. Detailing that in your Conprocs and the Description will be enough to get readers interested in reading the following interviews or transcript of the message.

Perhaps at the end, researcher X describes how they were able to destroy or stop the artifact. (This would have to be detailed as his goal way earlier on) This would help explain why the changes to reality have stopped. But now, they are stranded in a reality that is no longer theirs, and they decide to end it.

If you have any questions or want me to take another look, feel free to contact me, as I might not see it otherwise. Good luck with your concept!

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

stanusbeki 20 Feb 2021 13:03

Thank you very much for your feedback. I really like your ideas, particularly the one about shifting the SCP from the artifact to the researcher, and have incorporated some of them into the concept.

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

caspian2 24 Feb 2021 03:34

Summoned by PM:

Hi there stanusbeki. It's always a little ambitious to attempt a reality-bending scp, especially as a first-timer. I will need a little more elaboration on the concept:

All the while, X becomes ever more convinced that they are not going insane, but the artifact is changing reality.

To clarify, the scp here is "X" himself, right? So I'm mainly curious about how you're planning on laying out the article. When you describe the object for the first time, why would "X" be considered anomalous? Because he's losing his memory? Because he has symptoms of dementia?

The act of destruction bathes X in "reality distortion energy" (would research a fitting in-universe term), which gives their presence mild reality-warping effects that mandate containment as an anomalous entity

I don't understand this plot point. Wasn't X already classified as an anomalous entity prior to this? What changes before/after the artifact's destruction?

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The description of the "object" as a former Foundation researcher who, for reasons unknown, apparently went insane and began destroying contained artifacts

But if the artifact has been destroyed, and "X" is also fully aware of everything that happened to him, why would he not clarify with the new head researcher (or write the main article itslef)?

Forgive me - I'm just trying to wrap my head around the plot. It would be even better if you could break it down for us in terms of the planned page layout. So outline each component / section in the article below in point-by-point form, followed by a brief description (1-2 sentences max).

If you decide to revise the concept / elaborate below, do drop me another PM and I'll do my best to respond. Best of luck!

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 05:42 by Zyn Show more

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

stanusbeki 24 Feb 2021 09:27

Hi caspian2,

first of all, thank you for taking the time to critique my concept! I will try to answer your questions, followed by an overview of the article structure.

When you describe the object for the first time, why would "X" be considered anomalous? Because he's losing his memory? Because he has symptoms of dementia?

Because when X destroys the artifact, a fraction of its properties are transferred to them, and they are now themselves mildly reality-altering.

Wasn't X already classified as an anomalous entity prior to this? What changes before/after the artifact's destruction?

Before the destruction of the artifact, X was not considered anomalous and was to be remanded to a mental health facility. In fact, the Foundation wasn't even certain the artifact was anomalous, as initial testing had not uncovered any anomalous properties.

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But if the artifact has been destroyed, and "X" is also fully aware of everything that happened to him, why would he not clarify with the new head researcher (or write the main article itslef)?

From the Foundation's/head researchers' point of view, reality has not changed, since they too have been altered to perceive the "new" reality as the default. The only one who has any recollection of the "old" reality is X. The destruction of the artifact only halted further warping of reality, it did not revert the existing changes.

The following is the intended structure of the article. I apologize in advance for the relative verbosity, as you specifically requested a brief description and it has become rather lengthy. Please also note that the terms surrounded by quotes will be replaced by appropriately technical terms in the actual article.

Containment procedures
A moderately comfortable living space, kept devoid of any objects which might be used for self-harm. The containment area is surrounded by "reality anchors".

Description of SCP-XXXX (researcher X)
X is described as a former Foundation researcher, who after destroying SCP-XXXX-1 (the artifact), has been imbued with a "reality distortion field", which is then concisely described. It is also noted that X claims SCP-XXXX-1 was warping reality and that certain events and people have now permanently been altered.

Description of SCP-XXXX-1 (the artifact)
After a short physical description, we learn that the artifact was confiscated by the Foundation for suspected reality-altering properties. Initial testing could not establish any anomalous effects and X destroyed it before any definitive verdict could be reached.

Preface to interview transcripts
We learn that X initially sought help for a suspected mental health issue. Furthermore, the Foundation's on-site medical personnel ran a battery of tests on X, but were not able to find any form of ailment.

Initial session with Doctor Y
X is worried about having a mental condition, as they have seemingly begun to confuse people's names and some locations within Site XX suddenly seem unfamiliar. By the manner in which X and Y interact, the reader is lead to the conclusion that X and Y are close friends.

Second session with Doctor Y
X claims not to recognize their quarters and that their quarters are now in a different part of Site XX. X is visibly distressed. Y states that the tests run on X after the first session did not show any signs of disease, but promises to run additional tests.

Third session
X claims their family has disappeared. Y is confused, as X and Y have known each other for years and Y does not recall X having ever been married. For the first time, X voices their suspicion that they are not going insane, but reality is being altered.

Fourth session
X no longer recognizes Y, claiming that sessions up to this point have been conducted by a Doctor Z, who is their friend. X has begun to suspect the artifact as the cause of the warped reality. Contains an addendum by the researcher writing the article that there is no mention of a Doctor Z in any of the Foundation's records.

Incident report
We learn that X was able to escape from the medical wing, which they were now confined to, pending transfer to a mental health facility, and was successful destroying SCP-XXXX-1. The act of destroying the artifact released "reality warping energy" and now causes reality to subtly warp around X, mandating containment as an anomalous entity.

Last edited on 24 Feb 2021 10:14 by stanusbeki Show more

Re: Narrative-driven "X that does Y" (yes, I know), seeking greenlights and general feedback

caspian2 25 Feb 2021 00:15

Hi there. Thanks for your elaboration. It definitely made things clearer.

Generally, I like how the article looks in theory. You're portraying the main character as flawed and asking the readers to piece together what happened to him / what's going on.

Description of SCP-XXXX-1 (the artifact)

As such, I would recommend removing this portion, as including a description of the reality-bending artifact sort of gives away what happened to X from the start of the article. Rather, it'll be more intriguing to hint at prior events related to the artifact throughout the article, then release the truth towards the end.

Here's your greenlight. I'm still a little worried that the addenda (being mainly comprised of interview logs) might drag on too long. Would highly recommend you try and focus the conversations on what you've described above. All the best with the writing! Hope you get your second!