Depths of Kuru Kara

Summary:

Deep trench at the reef city of Kuru Kara

Depths of Kuru Kara

bite_this_onions 17 Feb 2021 02:33

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: SCP-XXXX is a trench of undetermined depth, but the farthest recorded depth was 27,000 meters. When any person progresses deeper, they "lose their humanity" (such as getting new memories, gaining symptoms of "transcendent identity disorder", and at the bottom they turn into "something not human"

Several alien species of plants and animals live inside the trench, with the species near the surface being tamer but get more aggressive and alien-like the deeper you go.

Central Narrative: According to local legend, when the remote town of Kuru Kara was first founded in 1909, several experienced deep divers have gone missing trying to reach the bottom. The foundation doesn't pay attention to folk tails, but then a message-in-a-bottle slowly raised up from the water with the explorations from a diver who reached the bottom.

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The story starts with an experienced diver who plans to reach the bottom with somewhat advanced technology. He immediately starts getting a headache, and when he gets deeper he gets other physical and mental issues. When he is very close to the bottom, he says "it's like the calm before the storm" as he no longer feels sick and the wildlife is very alien and pretty. But when he gets to the bottom he says there is no life at all, and he sees that his depth gauge is not working. He looks at his arm and says "it isn't human."

At the bottom, he sees the silhouette of a humanoid figure, who reveals that she is the cause of this trench's existence and that she doesn't know why. She tells him that he'll never come back up. He decides to send a message in a bottle to slowly float back up which he says "will take centuries if I'm lucky."

Hook/Attention-Grabber: A mysterious deep ocean whole that seems like nothing at first turns to a wild adventure.

Additional Notes: If I need to elaborate on anything I will.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts and properly space your paragraphs. ~Zyn

Last edited on 17 Feb 2021 02:37 by Zyn Show more

Re: Depths of Kuru Kara

Kothardarastrix 17 Feb 2021 02:55

I'm a real sucker for aquatic horror. Combine that with the ever-increasing dread of descending an impossibly deep hole, and you get a very scary concept.

The progression of the diver's thoughts and the increasing sense of alienation as he descends sounds great. Might be hard to carry off, but it sounds like you've already got some good ideas for the dialogue. Be sure to play up the surreal, alien imagery of the guy's surroundings. The part where this is happening is a recovered document, so you can and should really go nuts with the prose.

The thing I am most concerned about is the humanoid figure at the bottom. A Series I skip would've ended it right when the diver saw her - see SCP-087 and SCP-610 - but I'm not 100% sure that such a cliffhanger would fly today. Fortunately, it seems that you do have more than a cliffhanger in mind, but when you do make an attempt to explain things you've got to toe the line between explaining too much and not explaining enough. Make sure that the alien trench lady's message somehow furthers the story, either by explaining or implying something about the trench's nature, her own origin, what will happen to the diver, or something else like that to bring the narrative to some kind of conclusion.

While I like the imagery of the bottle message, also consider the plausibility of the situation. Would the diver have a bottle and writing utensils that work that far underwater? A simple camera might make more sense, and it could work better narratively as well since you'd be able to intersperse the things he says (provided that divers can talk underwater, idk if the breathing apparatus/helmet/whatever would permit that) with descriptions of the footage.

This is an excellent opportunity to use pictures of freaky deep-sea creatures!

Did somebody say greenlight?

Last edited on 17 Feb 2021 02:57 by Kothardarastrix Show more

Re: Depths of Kuru Kara

Dr Hajovsky 17 Feb 2021 03:18

Hi there bite_this_onions, let's take a look at your concept.

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Overall:
After taking a look at the second part of your central narrative, I have to say I'm thoroughly impressed with the creative direction you took your story. Reading the message and experiencing the story from this perspective immediately gets the reader interested. Continuing on, the increasingly strange properties on the trench and the building atmosphere are presented well, and I personally like this type of plot.

Specific:

The foundation doesn't pay attention to folk tails, but then a message-in-a-bottle slowly raised up from the water with the explorations from a diver who reached the bottom.

What I'm getting from this is that the diver is one of the original divers who went exploring there in 1909, but I'm a little unclear as to how they got to the bottom of the impossibly deep trench, wrote a message, and placed it into a bottle they somehow had with the technology from 1909. I really like this narrative though, so perhaps you can write around these things.

At the bottom, he sees the silhouette of a humanoid figure, who reveals that she is the cause of this trench's existence and that she doesn't know why.

This is also a great narrative base, and exploring the origin and feelings of this woman is also something you could base your article around. That being said, I also enjoy the minimalistic narrative you have around the message in the bottle, and I feel that dedicating words to exploration logs featuring the modern Foundation will take away from the story. Ultimately, I'd stick with your current narrative, but I'd thought I'd bring this up since it has so much potential.

Advice:
I think adding some characterization to the diver from the message is the final cherry on top that this article needs. Perhaps include a brief lament from him about how he's always been fascinated by deep water at the beginning of the message. (He then goes on to describe his preparation and descent into the trench) At the end, he mentions how its somewhat ironic or bitter sweet that he'll be trapped down here, and how the message will serve as some kind of proof that he existed or as a warning to all those that would choose to try and pry back the mysteries of the deep.

Some brief descriptions of conversations with the woman in the deep would also be welcome, as they would serve to convey the themes you'd like to explore.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or want me to do a follow up, as I might not see it otherwise. Good luck with your concept!

Last edited on 17 Feb 2021 03:19 by Dr Hajovsky Show more

Re: Depths of Kuru Kara

CelesteKara 17 Feb 2021 03:28

We talked in IRC, Greenlit.