Summoned via IRC
So, the idea of a recursive loop type thing where knowing you will go insane causes it is fairly interesting, and its a solid subversion of typical "anomaly that makes you go crazy" tropes. I still worry that this is essentially just that at its core, however. It's something which makes you obsess over it and makes you go crazy, which is, in my opinion, a rather weak premise. If the story from there is stronger, that's OK, but setting yourself up with a weaker premise is always going to make everything from there harder.
My main issue with this is that the narrative feels lack it lacks much of an arc, and I worry the pacing will be wildly off. The way you've described it, it seems this journalist enters the town, and almost immediately discovers the mystery, and then almost immediately after that goes insane and spends the rest of the narrative losing his mind. It feels like a rather weak arc that goes no deeper than "guy goes insane" and falls into the trap of the premise you've set for yourself. On top of that, the conflict is so short-lived and the events so tightly packed that I worry it would read as rushed in an effort to get to the bit where he goes crazy, rather than dealing with the mystery at hand in an interesting way.
Lastly, the bit with the Foundation feels tacked on. From how you've described it, it won't be explored in any great detail and is essentially just another arc of a person going crazy as a result of this anomaly. Playing that same basic arc out twice in one article feels repetitious and not particularly engaging - it's neither a satisfying narrative arc, nor a particularly unique one, and playing it out twice (even if the second version is much shorter and/or simpler) is just going to cement those weaknesses.
My recommendation here would be to cut the ending with the Foundation scientist off and explore the mystery in the village in more detail. There is a genuinely interesting and engaging mystery to be had there, and if you focus on it and allow it to give the premise more depth than just "guy goes insane", then you could have a much stronger article on your hands. The weakness here is in a narrative that takes the premise at face value and explores it in the simplest way possible, so give it a bit more spice and explore it in more depth.
(account deleted) 01 Feb 2021 19:06
