This is a story about the consequences of subjecting others to dehumanization.
Spoon!
Spreadsheets & Railcars / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Spreadsheets & Railcars.
While fairly well written this seems a tad short and the format could use some work. U have massive spaces and areas where the words are lacking spaces. I notice u have been posting a lot of articles I would just suggest slowing down a tad and putting that extra time in to cleaning it up before posting:)
It’s deliberate. It’s symbolic of the distance between the killers and their victims. There are no minced words here.
Spoon!
I see but as a reader its kinda hard to see symbolism in words space unless its pointed out. Ive noticed a large amount of posts in recent times all repeating a similar pattern. Your writing is great but I really feel like getting a few more people to look over it and slowing down could help.
I do not want to talk down to my audience in a story about genocide. Nor do I want to water down my words on the topic by filtering them through others.
Spoon!
I’m not asking you to. I just feel like there’s not enough information here to get the full story.
I disagree. I have said all which needs to be said. Anything more would be writing too much and saying too little.
Spoon!
Alright I wont bother you any further. please understand that I’m not trying to offend you. I’m just telling you where I think you can improve.
I’m not offended, I just disagree on your suggested methodology. But that’s okay! We can disagree and walk away and that will be that. :)
Spoon!
What exactly happened to the d-class? I know that’s not the point but I’m curious.
Dehumanized to the point that their life was casually snuffed out from a thousand miles away.
Spoon!
This is good - Snappy, to-the-point and doesn't waste the reader's time. The punchiness is perhaps a bit light, but it's still a good exercise in extreme minimal writing.
How much of that feeling of ‘light’ punch do you feel could come from how the SCP Wiki has conditioned you, personally, to see people designated as D-Class? Serious question.
Spoon!
I'd say little, since people dying in SCP is nothing new (be it scientists, janitors, D-class or O5). I'd argue that in newer works, it tends to humanize the D-class more than anything.
That aside, the 'lightness' comes from how many words you use, and how efficiently it gets the idea across, and there's definitely a limit to it in an ultra-minimal piece.
Hmm. I'm pretty conflicted on this.
On the one hand, I 100% understand the textual reasons for the immense obfuscation of what the characters at the end are talking about, and how disconnected that conversation is from what is happening at the start. On the other, that disconnect makes it incredibly difficult to figure out what's going on. I only really got it from reading the comments (when it became immediately clear). This is a difficult position to be, because the disconnect is the entire point of the story — but it simultaneously makes the story hard to follow.
I don't really know how to fix this. The obvious answer is to give a bit more information about what's happening, but that's a narrow line to walk before it defeats the narrative point. The only potential suggestion I have is perhaps a slight reference to the railcar the D-Class is in at the beginning, but I'm unsure if that would be too much.
can I get some nice "no signatures on my forum"
sigma-9 css machine broke
understandable have a nice day
My bet is that the title will do that for most people, and feeling conflicted is exactly how I wanted people to walk away from this so I think it's working as intended. If I can think of a small tweak that wouldn't ruin things I'll add it.
Spoon!
/forum/t-13989369/spreadsheets-railcars#post-
page revision: 1, last edited: 02 Apr 2021 15:16
