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Thank you Rektris,
Mooagain , and
Savanac for their critique. I have been messing with this idea for awhile. It was originally about 2,000 words long, but I decided it would be better to keep it short.
Japanese translation done by Miracle Miki - あなたに贈る一曲
Chinese translation done by Esperanza_Cai - 再一曲
Spanish translation done by EthanHanson - Una Canción Más
This article doesn't work for me because you make the attempt at pathos very obvious from the begining. Good pathos you don't see coming, which why it's effective. I'd you know something is gonna be trying to tug at your heartstrings you become aware of any attempt it makes at doing that and lose any advantage you might have had.
I was a bit torn on what to rate this, but I've decided to give it a light +1.
I think it was mostly that end paragraph that made me upvote. If I'm gonna be honest, I knew too early that this article was trying to make me feel a certain way. But regardless, I think the ending was beautiful, and the concept and imagery itself is particularly touching.
It's not perfect, but it definitely has its place on the main list.
kinda cool idea! My only complaint is I couldn't really understand what the SCP is supposed to be… like represent, like to me SCPs kinda have a underline theme and the only thing I kind of gathered from it was like a war veteran playing a sad song or something. Maybe i'm kinda dumb but yeah I liked the final parts but maybe a better/another image would do good aswell either way good write yeah
Essentially, this story is about a fantastic violinist who died in the first days of WW2, a daughter who never got a chance to see her father again, and the Foundation keeping them apart.
I usually like these kinds of war stories
LLHAMMER, instead of replying to your own comments, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" link to the lower right of every comment. That prevents spam buildup, and it's in the rules.
This really worked for me. Powerful emotions that don't feel too forced and a story that is implied but isn't directly told. No unnecessary character arcs or underlying themes. Just a good, short story. Deserves an upvote.
There were a few SPaG errors that drew my attention away a little, not enough to entirely destroy the piece, but sadly enough to distract. A bit of clinical oddness as well; that, too, distracted from the experience.
The circumstances were enough to gain some sympathy points from me, but there's something that's stopping me from upvoting.
I'm…not entirely sure what it is. The father just wanted to see his daughter again and at the end, the CI accidentally gives him the opportunity to do so, so he does. And there's a handwritten note that ties it all up nicely. You even went as far as to show us the birthday of the woman as well as show us essentially a restless ghost moving on after he got to play a composed song at his daughter's grave. This all works, and the sympathy points are there, but something about the execution feels off. It feels too…I don't know, plainly stated? Which is an odd statement to make, considering that this is an emotionally detached scientific document. It almost feels rushed, even.
I'm not 100% able to voice my feelings on this. Sorry about that. Regardless, I'll end this with a No vote.
SPaG errors have been dealt with. Also I understand why some people may not vibe with the article due to its length. The choice to make this as short as possible was to to show how little the Foundation cares about the violinist. They don't care why it is the way it is or who it is. They just see it as an object. I always do respect your opinions, so thank you for the read!
I didn't particular get anything out of this. It feels like a standard ghost story, and as a result I couldn't relate to the main character.
The theme of this article is so obvious that I feel intimidated when I read it. This article instills the theme of "anti war" into the readers very recklessly, and it seems that the content is not so rich, I don't like this style, sorry :( -1
既然被你发现了，那就鲨了你罢（无慈悲）
So while I do respect your opinion on this article, I do have to make one thing clear. This interpretation is wrong. This article is not 'anti war' it is in honour of those who died at the battle of Normandy. At no point do I say that WW2 was not a necessary war, because it was. Those who fought in WW2 are heroes who deserve to be remembered. Not every story about war is 'anti war'.
Edit: I am also very confused why you would upvote the chinese translation of this article, and then downvote the original.
Reply Vivarium：I give the Chinese translation up because the quality of the translated article and my rating of the original are two systems. The article is not written by the translator, so I only look at the quality of the translation when I give the rating of the translation.
I'm sorry that I may have misunderstood this article, or that I have some problems with my formulation. This article commemorates the battle of Normandy, but the information about the veteran is a bit abrupt, which makes me unable to enter the article well. I think it would be better to leave more blanks and hints.
At present, my downvote is really a little thoughtless, so I choose to change the rate to novote.Sorry again…
Sorry! I forgot to use Edit! XD
既然被你发现了，那就鲨了你罢（无慈悲）
That makes sense. I don't know a lot about the translation side of the site, so thank you for clarifying. I'm actually really happy someone translated my article. Also thank you for reconsidering your vote. I understand your viewpoint on the article now.
Cheers!
I don't think this article is anti-war or political in anyway. It's a simple truth that people die and war and a LOT of people at that, so of course there are going to be stories about it. The writing style didn't hit a homerun with me either but it's still good. This scp gets a +1 from me.
Guess who's back, back again. Ya I'm back, tell a friend! After reading the new article, I gotta say I'm really proud of how well you did this. In my opinion, short, sweet, and simple is always a win. We don't need to have a complex story, sometimes we just need a guy that plays really good music. This earns a +1 for me, happy I could help you develop it.
