SCP-5890 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5890.

Alternative Title - The Fall of '84

Ralliston 30 Dec 2020 11:43

The following article is a part of the And Every Time We Meet Again storyline. Whilst you can read it on its own, it's highly recommended you read the previous installments to get this article in its fullest.

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Special thanks to TheeSherm | Nagiros | WizzBlizz | EstrellaYoshte | Veralta | Dysadron | cybersqyd | DrAkimoto | HarryBlank | Krombopulos_Will from IRC | Pedagon for helping with it on different stages of development.

All of the needed citation and attribution is provided in the Ayers Infomodule.

The Site-120 logo used in the header was created by EstrellaYoshte for the purpose of all articles regarding such. Please check out more of their absolutely stellar work here.

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~ my authorpage please check it out ~

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~ for the rest of the series, visit the series hub! ~

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Last edited on 22 Apr 2021 07:38 by Ralliston Show more

RogerWiki 30 Dec 2020 14:27

This article is a very good example of how to present quite a lot of information about a complex situation in an effective way that doesn't overwhelm the reader. Well done.

+1

Sinagsikap 30 Dec 2020 14:47

The whole piece feels significantly less muddled and vague than when I reviewed it a few days ago¹ , so everything here subtly flows while still having a coherent story and a well-defined character. Good job!

Footnotes

1. And those issues got resolved in the final review I did.

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The pen is the killer of fear.

Uncle Nicolini 01 Jan 2021 22:13

This piece is riddled with minor SPAG issues as well as some rather unusual and unclinical phrasing ("silence can be heard"?????). I found the earlier exploration logs too tame and the later ones too difficult to follow due to weird phrasings. We also barely get to know Asheworth as a character, so his journey here is two dimensional at best.

On-site or On sight?

ShadowSpirit90 08 Jan 2021 12:31

While reading the containment procedures, I noticed something I feel should be addressed, and it was niggling in the inside of my head until I did.

You say that any Foundation personnel who exit SCP-5890 are to be terminated on-site.
Now, does this mean that the anomaly is held on a site, and the entities are to be taken elsewhere on the site for termination, which would be "on-site", or do you mean as soon as you see a Foundation personnel leaving the anomaly, they are the be immediately terminated, because that would be spelled "On sight."

Re: On-site or On sight?

Ralliston 08 Jan 2021 16:20

Oops, fixed. Thanks for noticing!

do_the_right_thing 08 Feb 2021 17:51

This is choppy and difficult to follow all the way through without getting lost because of the muddled and frankly very sloppy phrasing and sentence structuring.

nah, I re-read this and I like it now in spite of that

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Spoon!

Last edited on 08 Feb 2021 17:53 by do_the_right_thing Show more

Ralliston 08 Feb 2021 18:17

I really, really appreciate your opinion and read. Thanks a ton!

A dive into spacial-temporal craziness that has a few fixable execution peeves

hspadafora 11 Feb 2021 06:02

I very much enjoyed this story as it felt like a much much shorter SCP-1730 with a bit more craziness and a narrative beyond the SCP itself.

Nitpicks would be:

1. It was hard to comprehend what was happening in the exploration logs, especially the descriptions of the setting and how the distortions were affecting them. (Reading difficulty)
2. You refer to people in the exploration logs as "the man" instead of using names which makes it difficult to know who you're talking about. Is this on purpose, especially since you properly use "Dr. Asheworth" in the first exploration log? (Reading difficulty)
3. Sometimes you mix action and quotation on the same line, with the action only being italicized. Might I suggest using a more obvious notation, like square brackets "[actions]" instead? (Reading difficulty)
4. What was with Om-10-5 in the exploration logs? I can understand Om-10-4, but were you going to do a "aren't there too many people here?" creepy situation and just decided not to or was this a mistake? (Unanswered question)
5. I don't understand your definition of "sarkic" in your article. Are you perhaps thinking of the sarkic ritual thay caused SCP-2480? (Undefined terminology)

Needs a bit more polish to improve the execution, but still gets a +1 from me.
A fun exploration of "what if space-time went completely bonkers" that still has a lot more potential for craziness.
(Note: I am not an official reviewer, take what I say with a grain of salt and ask proper reviewers for better critique)

Last edited on 11 Feb 2021 13:49 by hspadafora Show more

Re: A dive into spacial-temporal craziness that has a few fixable execution peeves

Ralliston 13 Feb 2021 14:56

1. I'll try to fiddle around with fixing them, though it was somewhat intentional.
2. Will fix, my bad.
3. Will definitely fix, my bad.
4. Yep, it was intentional.
5. The magic system used by the Children is a mix between standard Sarkic rituals and other, currently unidentified filler.

Thanks! I really appreciate it! Will definitely work on the things you mentioned, thanks a ton!

Narsil098 12 Apr 2021 10:24

Poland finally can into nuclear power plants, +1

Ralliston 13 Apr 2021 13:31

It very much can now! It seems like you didn't upvote though?

Small Update

Ralliston 06 Sep 2021 15:14

Upon some reflection, I realized I wasn't quite happy with the article's title, so I changed it from "Within The Inner Prisons We Ourselves Made" to "Fall of '84."

My-Off-Day 09 Jan 2022 05:01

I very much liked the character and plot development of this part compared to the last. The SCP itself was interesting as well, but readers should know out of the gate that this is a sequel, otherwise I can see it becoming quickly confusing.