Some really nice work here — dialogue is handled well, in particular.
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I would like to thank the numerous individuals who helped in the making of this article either through IRC or Wikidot PMs:
- RogerWiki
- THEONENAMETHATISLONG
- WizzBlizz
- DrSekora
- OCuin
- And any others that I, unfortunately, can't remember.
Image Source: https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/c055e407-d4e0-49a5-a38c-ff190e2a46c7 ("Nile Crocodile basking" by Steve Slater (used to be Wildlife Encounters) is licensed with CC BY 2.0)
Thorough descriptions thst don't bog the article down; scientific without feeling antiseptic; besides, a benevolent but still dangerous god-skip currently getting along with the Foundation is something we don't see every day. Upvoted!
"Anomalous" just means "unusual"; not all surreal strangeness HAS to be evil, deadly, or even scary.
Good dialogue in my opinion. As someone who struggles with dialogue in particular, this was fairly impressive. Found a few mistakes with grammar and a few XXXXs left in, so you might want to fix those. Article did a good job of conveying information and story, although I think the description could be more clinical. A unique and interesting SCP as well. Earns my upvote. Looking forward to maybe seeing other interesting takes on ancient gods in the future.
I really liked the SCP combination of god-like and "not a dick". Only complaint I have is how unprofessional the interviewer is, but having said that, some people do talk like that. Work or otherwise. +1
Edit: A few grammar errors here and there. Encase you didn't see, they always get through the cracks. Here's one:
From our intelligence, Incident-XXXX began as an unknown entity, described as having the head of a crocodile and the body of a lion and hippopotamus
(account deleted)I think this is well-thought-out and poorly executed. The clinical tone breaks are particularly glaring, and the dialogue often feels gratingly casual. That being said, themes and imagery are on point IMO. I would really like to see this redone with a few major and a lot of minor edits.
I like the idea here, but the dialogue and character development are not that great. The doctor talks a little to informal for me, and the crocodile trust him way too quickly, especially after you said that no known non-hostile contact was made. I think you should expand that in the dialogue to why it decided to talk to the doctor.
And the way the stakes are handled is kinda weird for me. We get a new entity out of nowhere, with no buildup or foreshadowing, that harms the croc. When I read that part, I was thinking that you should be putting in snippets of that in their dialogue and why it feels it needs to defend it's nile. And maybe add events on where it fights these strong creatures in the description or in a form of logs.
Typo in interview #2:
SCP-XXXX: SCP-5644? What is that?
Other than that, it's kind of a meandering piece but overall I like it.
Spoon!
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
