SCP-4604 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4604.

It's been over a year since I last published, and this is what I write?

TL333s 28 Nov 2020 21:36

One day, I'll stop writing SCPs about the site.

Hopefully the "format screw that should probably be a tale" hasn't gone out of style.

Re: It's been over a year since I last published, and this is what I write?

C Davis 26 Jan 2021 07:21

I really liked the format screw. Having the drop down of the “official” article made the first part even better in my opinion. +1

+1

Sputnik One 28 Nov 2020 22:36

I can see this being very divisive. I, for one, think it's great.

Scorpion451 29 Nov 2020 02:24

Excellent realistic depiction of a depressive breakdown intersecting with the anomalous. +1

Staff Post - Deletion Vote

TSATPWTCOTTTADC 30 Nov 2020 02:47

Beginning deletion vote at -10.

Article is currently at -9. Timer has been removed. ~ Conwell

If you are not the author and you want to rewrite this article, you may reply to this post asking for the opportunity to do so. Please obtain permission from the author (or the Rewrite Team if this article is older than 6 months) and make sure you copy the page source to your sandbox. Please do not reply to this post for any other reason unless you are staff.

Last edited on 30 Nov 2020 19:20 by Jacob Conwell Show more

-1

Postuhenin 30 Nov 2020 22:54

Maybe it's just me, but to me, it read more like a meta SCP fanfic/tale than an actual SCP entry.

FluffyDog00 01 Dec 2020 03:22

I think its cute. As much as I don't care for tales disguised as articles, it's quite charming. You're clearly a capable writer and this piece shows it. Could it be better? Of course, but for now have my +1.

Irina Bougainvillea 16 Dec 2020 17:00

This article is not in that category of the best pieces I've ever seen on this site, but it is by definition an SCP and deserves a slot here.

GreenRaven 12 Sep 2021 22:22

When did we go from denying the supernatural to accepting that it could be utilized like any scientific instrument? That kind of thing is supposed to be the purview of the people who oppose us, [snipped for length]

Did Joaquin not notice they answered their own question there? Foundation was having a problem with the opposition using magic, so they adopted magic, on their terms, to fight magic.

Joaquin either got hit by an anomaly, or developed one. Have they tried puncturing the skin inside the mouth yet?

Critiques:

+ show block

This has a potentially engaging and unnerving story. But it never really clicks and grabs hold. The tone is mild and soft, even when Joaquin is found in their office. It's a gentle, smooth wave, barely rocking the story. There's no fire and very little energy. No emotional weight.

I don't even feel the disappointment talked about. Disappointment is pain, frustration, sadness, maybe anger. Energy.

If the tone was meant to convey depression, it doesn't come through. Depending on who you ask, depression is a heavy burden, constantly weighing them down. To others, it's a pit they can't climb out of even as they try. To me it was a raging black sea with dark waves threatening to overwhelm the tiny boat I was in, even as I battled to that golden shore where I'd be free.

In every case, there is stress and pain. Energy -negative energy- and psychic mass.

None of that comes through. The story is told but I don't feel.

Last edited on 12 Sep 2021 22:22 by GreenRaven Show more

Maxyfran73 02 Nov 2021 06:24

It's interesting that this article is so low. Not the best thing ever, but it's decent. I like the depiction of depression here. Sometimes depression is a sea of disappointment, of watching through tedium as everything changes around you, morphing into something unrecognizable little by little.

My only issue is that the ending just doesn't hits right imo. It's just… Too little. It adds almost nothing to the rest of the piece. I also don't quite understand how the first part fits in-universe. Considering the overwrite attempt, Buca tried to edit it I think but he's 'dead' so, uh, yeah, dunno how that fits into the narrative.

Overall… It's neat but, at the same time, I cannot get emotionally invested in the piece. Novote.