On the one hand, I like the imagery a lot. On the other, there are some pretty big questions that take away my immersion.
For example:
Although SCP-5661 can be detected through nonanomalous methods, it can only currently be reached through anomalous means.
Foundation agents were within SCP-5661 at the time, but located at a significant distance from the member of the Serpent's Hand.
If it can only be reached through anomalous means, how are the Foundation reaching it? Why were the agents down there? How did they know the SH agent was there?
Moreover, I’m a little confused on the mythology. While the poem plainly explains this these two are, their motivations, the story of their conflict, and any characterization is missing. Leaving me rather cold on the whole thing.
No-vote at this time.