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Morning and evening
Maids heard the goblins cry:
“Come buy our orchard fruits,
Come buy, come buy
-Christiana Rossetti, "The Goblin Market"
This is a rewrite of the previous SCP-2523 "Halloween Store" by Foamfollower.
Thanks to Decibelles,
TwistedGears,
Petrograd, and
psul for feedback.
ETA: Screenshots of the original now uploaded (in Files).
I enjoyed it, was interesting, hilarious, and original.
+1
Zyn I'm sorry for edgy undiscriptive post
It's cool, on the mainlist you don't have to justify your voting. This kind of blurb is fine. You aren't offering any critique, you are just saying that you liked it (and you can do the same on a mainlister if you don't like it).
2edge4mee
You're fine here. Once something's on the mainsite, people who give any feedback beyond their vote are doing the author a favor.
In the forums though, where people are inherently acknowledging that they want opinions on how to better their not-yet-finished piece, we do nudge for people giving authors (especially the brave newbies!) some context/detail that won't leave them at a loss about how to fix their stuff.
Hrmmm…
No vote.
It's well written, I get it, and it's interesting to a point, but I can't quite get over the feeling that it's sort of an amalgam of things I've seen before. And the end product is… well it's greater than the sum of its parts, but not quite by enough to get an upvote.
The trades in the table also seem kinda uneven - especially given that the 'purchasers' don't know that they'd have any anomalous effects. I guess I can sort of see people thinking that that sales-people are joking but…. it still seems a bit off.
The trades in the table also seem kinda uneven
These are goblins, of course the trades are uneven.
Or maybe not. They are trading based on the value of these things in the Otherworld, not how we value them here. They also want to maximize their profits.
Also they are goblins!
- especially given that the 'purchasers' don't know that they'd have any anomalous effects. I guess I can sort of see people thinking that that sales-people are joking but…. it still seems a bit off.
The people are under the effect of the glamour and so treat the trade itself as quotidian. There was much more verbiage about this in an earlier draft, but it was cut for redundancy. The operative sentence here is "Exposed persons are unable to identify any anomalous properties of SCP-2523, including those of entities and objects originating from the anomaly."
ETA: You, know I think I can clear this up without adding a lot of words. Added "trades" to that sentence.
Hrm. Maybe use 'unable to identify … as out of the ordinary' as opposed to 'unable to identify any anomalous properties'?
I thought the original intention of the paragraph was that they couldn't remember the weird bits after they left - which makes sense. Otherwise what's to keep a person from telling a friend in casual conversation 'So I traded my sense of taste for a bride of Frankenstein wig that shoots lightning' while thinking it's completely normal?
Hrm. Maybe use 'unable to identify … as out of the ordinary' as opposed to 'unable to identify any anomalous properties'?
Hmmm… That's getting back towards the wordiness that I cut. I will think about it.
I thought the original intention of the paragraph was that they couldn't remember the weird bits after they left - which makes sense. Otherwise what's to keep a person from telling a friend in casual conversation 'So I traded my sense of taste for a bride of Frankenstein wig that shoots lightning' while thinking it's completely normal?
The friend will also think that it is completely normal.
The friend will also think that it is completely normal.
Whoa, so the inability to perceive something as weird spreads beyond direct contact? Shouldn't that be mentioned? I mean, this could literally lead to a small newspaper article reading: "Woman gets amazing deal on Werewolf Tramsutation Mask for small price of her ability to walk backwards". (Not because any of that is weird, just because it's perceived as an amazing deal)
Whoa, so the inability to perceive something as weird spreads beyond direct contact? Shouldn't that be mentioned?
It is, the friend is being exposed to the object and the trade. Again there were like five extra sentences there that covered this, but reviewers felt they were excessive.
I mean, this could literally lead to a small newspaper article reading: "Woman gets amazing deal on Werewolf Tramsutation Mask for small price of her ability to walk backwards". (Not because any of that is weird, just because it's perceived as an amazing deal)
Indirect recordings of the anomaly aren't affected. If you don't see the object or talk to a person who made a trade it doesn't work. The editor probably wouldn't accept this article on that basis (unless he saw the photo first). This is a huge problem though, and why the Foundation is expending resources on trying to confiscate the items and amnesiticize the victims.
Changed the paragraph to:
Exposed persons react to anomalous properties of SCP-2523, including those of trades, entities, and objects originating from the anomaly as though entirely quotidian. This effect extends to direct conversation with affected persons as well as photographs and other direct recordings. Class W mnestic treatment combined with conscious reaffirmation of observed details can neutralize this effect.
I mean, this could literally lead to a small newspaper article reading: "Woman gets amazing deal on Werewolf Tramsutation Mask for small price of her ability to walk backwards".
Where do you think Clickhole and The Onion are getting their article ideas from?
Yeah, I've been thinking about trying to write about The Weekly World News in the scipverse.
I like it, but a couple notes:
On 01/31/2001 at 2000 hours
I'm guessing that's on 10/31/2001.
Rossetti: Are you aware that the things you sell are dangerous to humans?
…The items described…. aren't really dangerous. The prices appear to be more dangerous than the objects.
I'm guessing that's on 10/31/2001.
Yay for extremely mild dyslexia. And fixed!
…The items described…. aren't really dangerous. The prices appear to be more dangerous than the objects.
Yeah, in the original version the objects were addictive with lethal withdrawal, as a direct reference to the fruits in Rossetti's poem. That was unpopular, and I think the general consensus was that it seemed like grimdark tacked on danger.
I'll think about changing that line. On the other hand some of the items are somewhat dangerous, certainly the vampire fangs are. From the Foundation POV they are all dangerous to normalcy.
Well, personally, I'd call them problematic, but then again, I've been known for an ability to avoid danger.
Reminds me a lot of my own SCP-1323. I do like the idea of a band of the Fae that exist outside of the Summer Court and the Winter Court, though.
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.
Reminds me a lot of my own SCP-1323.
I haven't read that one until now, looks like we drank from the same well. These are probably the same entities, just with a different entry point.
Fascinatingly, they both end in 23. Also, SCP-2323 is sirpudding's fairy-eating shrikes.
Yes, I'm thinking about pulling a Conwell and trying to fit my faerie mythos into -23 slots.
Class W mnestic treatment
I think there's an "a" missing there, not sure really.
No. They aren't trying to forget that these are goblins. They are trying to be able to remember that these are goblins. This version of "fairy glamour" is an antimemetic effect.
Oh. Ohhhhhh. I was about to comment about that too.
Anyway, great skip guys, upvoted!
I did not mean
(He did not mean)
To blow your mind
(To blow your mind)
But that shit happens to me
All the tiiiiiiiiiiime
- Tenacious D, Master Exploder
"This mystical romp of a skip comes fully recommend, for its traditional yet somehow perfect use of fictional and mystic tropes, pitch-perfect delivery, lack of noticeably grammatical errors, and the best use of milk I've seen in a skip so far!"
-Zmax15, The Newspapers
Couple of nitpicks to start:
These entities behave in a manner consistent with retail employees
This has no real descriptive value.
Exposed persons react to anomalous properties of SCP-2523, including those of trades, entities, and objects originating from the anomaly as though entirely quotidian.
The "entirely quotidian" part seems way too subjective for the context here. Seems like there's a better way to describe the fact that weird shit happening is considered normal by the customers here.
Writing's all right other than those points. My issues:
Not terrible, but not really moving the needle for me either.
Well, I don't know if I can address your more systemic problems but I did address both of your nitpicks, and replaced the compulsions with more interesting effects.
The fact that it can't be interfered with except through indirect means feels like a contrived means of horror.
I think I like writing about a Foundation that doesn't always get to have perfect containment, and that my view of the good folk is that they are very hard to keep imprisoned.
The interview doesn't really work for me. I don't find that it adds much to the narrative, and all it really does when I read it is reinforce this "tra la la oh you delightful human folk" tone that once again sounds like a mischievous faerie from central casting.
Well, it is supposed to be the mischievous fairy from central casting. "Bobby Goodman" was deliberate. The interview was also supposed to convey some things about this version of the faerie otherworld (notably that time is a spatial dimension and that the goblins are a free people that live in the liminal zone between summer and winter). As for the rest, I can only apologize for not entertaining you as he would:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
:)
Goblins are, as I recall, still fae, so souring the milk was a nice touch.
Overall, +1.
(account deleted)
