SCP-5927 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5927.

Author's post SCP-5927 "The Norther' Light Phantom"

Sirslash47 20 Oct 2020 18:40

My second SCP and the first one that isn't wholesome.

I might not be 100% familiar with all the science I used in the article but did some research.

Special thanks:

Grigori Karpin and Agent Roger Smith for very early critique.
koboldengineer for some good help on SP&G.
chaucer345, Dr Moned, and Iszth for critique.
KaraKatt for answering licensing related questions

I hope you enjoy it, otherwise sorry for taking part of your precious time.

If you want to reuse the images of the prism, please check the license. It needs to be attributed properly.

Also "It seems as though we must use sometimes the one theory and sometimes the other, while at times we may use either. We are faced with a new kind of difficulty. We have two contradictory pictures of reality; separately neither of them fully explains the phenomena of light, but together they do." is a quote by Albert Einstein.

Last edited on 21 Oct 2020 06:22 by Sirslash47 Show more

unpersonocelot 21 Oct 2020 20:06

I like the core idea of this article. The entity itself is very interesting, between its behavior, overall concept, and an innovative method of killing. The execution half does and half doesn't meet the idea; the formatting and visuals make the article engaging, but the writing can be clunky at times, with semi-frequent grammatical errors and lapses in tone.
In general, the article leaves the reader with a good balance of answers and questions, but also contains contradictions on the nature of the entity described and leaves some things unacknowledged that really ought to be. For example, its method of killing is interesting, but why does it kill in the first place? The use of the word "leeching" to describe this process implies this is a form of feeding, but there seems to be no inquiry to this end at all. In addition, it's that SCP-5927 is unable to interact with physical objects not covered in light-absorbent paint, but is shown in Addendum-5927-4 to physically fling and tear apart field agents. I would assume it was using the agents' protective equipment to do so, assuming the incident takes place after Experiment 5927-6, except that it's explicitly stated to have carried out these actions by skewering agents with its appendages and retracting its appendages quickly from an agent, respectively.
Overall, I would say this is a good article that could use polishing. +1

Sirslash47 21 Oct 2020 20:23

Thank you for your critique. You certainly make some good points and I did indeed leave some things open for interpretation. I do apologize for the grammatical issues. English is not my native language (this is not an excuse in my opinion) and I tried to keep it as clean as possible.

ratking666 22 Oct 2020 21:12

These images are insanely awesome.

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pastarasta1 is quick-talking and often scheming

Hooloovoo 23 Oct 2020 00:39

from a technical standpoint, this is just all over the place. There's a lot of scientific-*sounding* things, but they don't really fit. It left me with a lot of questions and a couple observations:

• Why use UV/IR vision to look at it? Can you safely look at it though camera? There are photographs of it, so I assume so.
• Is it radio frequency anechoic chamber or acoustic anechoic chamber? The picture appears to be of an RF testing lab. I'd recommend making it an RF chamber, since it seems that's how it detects the auroras
• It seems like a simple light sensor could work to detect the increased light output. Why is the Schroedinger equation used?
• Why does it emit cold? That sounds like a violation of thermodynamics, though it could just be fridge logic.
• Why does it enter the bone marrow, then pull the neurotransmitters out? I don't think neurotransmitters live in bones.
• Molten glass takes a long time to safely solidify and is hard to handle; if it's cooled too quickly it will shatter. Instead of glass you could maybe use a quick-hardening resin, but does it need to be a liquid that hardens, or could it just be a solid?
• How do radioisotopes help track it? Radioactive tracers are used to understand how chemical reactions happen, not track things in space.

While the concept is somewhat interesting, and the images are great, I don't think it fits together very well. -1

Sirslash47 23 Oct 2020 05:07

Thank you for your fair criticism. Please remember that I am not an expert in these field. That being said I still did some research.

• You can safely look at SCP, the use of IR/UV-vision is stated in the article and is more accurate/reliable than a normal camera. UV is the most important in my opinion and in terms of research (For decent footage).

• From the image, research that I did, and my own knowledge I didn't know these two types of anechoic chamber could both be described as "anechoic chamber" (I didn't think the acoustic one was called that). I'd say RF seems more accurate here because the SCP doesn't focus on sound.

• From what I can find: the Schrödinger Equation is used to predict light/predict certain probabilities of light (in terms of location and movement). I don't know much about quantum mechanics though. This is one of the preventive measures. Containment isn't only "Yep, we got it locked up" as far as I am concerned. It is a constant process of observation and evaluation, therefore preventive measures are needed.

• The cold is probably fridge logic (or at least what I think you mean by that). The aura's more important ability is that it blurs SCP-5927.

• Bone marrow or medulla ossium is found mostly in bones, ribs, sternum (English word?) and the spine. It is important for a lot of biological processes. This includes the immune/blood- and nervous-system. Neurotransmitters are in the neurons specifically which run through your entire body. Also I could have been more specific about the spinal cord (white/grey matter in the nervous system etc.) but whilst in the drafting phase this made the SCP really long and tedious to read (even for myself). I don't want the reader to look up everything the wouldn't understand, then this would just be a biology lesson.

• Didn't know that about glass.

• The radioisotopes are just help the foundation keep track of how much phosphate (weakening factor) is in the prism left. The tracking can be done via radiation, which I believe radioisotopes give (perhaps over time). Not going to lie this was hard to look up in my own language and I might have misinterpreted it in English, so I can see this being a plothole.

To clarify; this was a quick reply. I hope this was helpful.

Last edited on 23 Oct 2020 14:29 by Sirslash47 Show more

DodoDevil 24 Oct 2020 02:38

I quite liked this article! The entity itself is really interesting, the pictures are great, and the development of the containment procedures is interesting and well done!

There are a small number of places where the writing could be changed slightly to improve readability. If it isn't too presumptuous of me, I've included some suggestions in this collapsible. Obviously you don't need to listen to any of them!

Open

SCP-5927 is contained in an anechoic chamber where electromagnetic waves that imitate the aurora borealis are continuously being emitted, deceiving SCP-5927 into not being able to disappear.

You could change "that imitate" to "imitating" and remove "being" to make the phrasing less wordy:

SCP-5927 is contained in an anechoic chamber where electromagnetic waves imitating the aurora borealis are continuously emitted, deceiving SCP-5927 into not being able to disappear.

Also, there's an odd play with "deceiving" and "not being able to." Deceiving suggests it is being misled, while not being able to suggests it cannot disappear. I'd change that to reflect whether is actually can, but thinks it can't or actually cannot.

Inside the chamber is a prism that was developed to transfer SCP-5927 to the containment chamber. However, SCP-5927 has not been able to leave said prism due to the effects of the electromagnetic waves from the chamber, the light-absorbent paint, and inner mirrors applied to the prism.

"chamber" appears repetitively here. You could probably cut out "to the containment chamber" and only have one in each sentence. You could likely also cut the "however" and change "not been able to" to "unable to"

Inside the chamber is a prism that was developed to transfer SCP-5927. SCP-5927 has been/is unable to leave said prism due to the effects of the electromagnetic waves from the chamber, the light-absorbent paint, and inner mirrors applied to the prism.

The light coming out of the unpainted edges of ▲-5927 is being analyzed by light-sensors and run through the Schrödinger equation (1)

You could also cut the "being" here.

The light coming out of the unpainted edges of ▲-5927 is analyzed by light-sensors and run through the Schrödinger equation (1)

Results are known to fluctuate when the aurora borealis is up at night.

"… during the aurora borealis." may be less wordy.

SCP-5927 is an incorporeal entity of light on the island Jørpevåg, Norway which appears alongside the electromagnetic phenomenon of the aurora borealis

I feel like "composed" or some word could be added after "entity"

SCP-5927 emits a cold aura which can be seen by the frozen air

"cold aura" doesn't seem to fit the tone. Also, is the "blue glow" not light? Because you've said "aside from light." Maybe "SCP-5927 lowers the ambient air temperature surrounding it to (degree) and emits a continuous blue light that distorts photographs."

The form of SCP-5927 resembles a humanoid shape without a lower body. Instead, multiple appendages extend from under its abdomen. These appendages let SCP-5927 feed from its target by leeching off them.

I'd (hesitantly) suggest removing the "these appendages…" you describe this in the nest paragraph, and it's a good example of "show don't tell"

SCP-5927 does not have a known limit to the amount of targets it can have each time it manifests.

I feel like this could be cut entirely, or you could say SCP-5927 has been recorded targeting (number) of individuals. Its just personal preference, but right now this sentence doesn't really add anything you haven't mentioned in the previous sentence with (Poi -2, -3, etc.).

Forcibly waking a target up during the leeching process will kill that individual from any type of primary brain injury like hemorrhages, cerebral contusion/laceration or a combination.

"Kill that individual from" could be rephrased to "When forcibly awoken during a leeching process, individuals experience primary brain injuries, such as/including…"

The only things that can interact with SCP-5927 are objects that either combust/emit light on contact or interfere with light directly by reflection, dispersion or absorption.

You could cut "the only things" and say "Only objects that either combust/emit light… can interact with SCP-5927"

I think the first line of the Discovery tab should indicate when these photos were sent - you clearly have a time period in mind as per the photo.

I'm not sure why you hyphenated "photo-graphical"

and records of people dying at home,

This seems to include any sort of at-home death, maybe "unexplained deaths at home" could fit better?

Dr. Munescu could not find older records but did find a local folktale called "The Norther' Light Phantom" with an unknown date of origin.

Instead of repeating find, you could use a different word. Or even say "while no earlier records were found, Dr. Munesco identified a local…"

standard plexiglass cube for non-physical/incorporeal anomalies.

To me, this reads as though a standard plexi-glass cube is capable of containing incorporeal anomalies, maybe saying "adapted/augmented for the containment of…"

However SCP-5927 is made from light.

I'm unclear how they'd know that for sure at this point, I think the following containment attempts would read better if this were a hypothesis put forward.

making the cube a black body.

Not sure why this detail is included - seems like something you could conclude from the text and image.

SCP-5927 in a painted plexiglass cube with one-way mirrors inside who emit electromagnetic waves inwards.

Should be "that emit" or "which emit" "who emit" makes it sound like a person is emitting them.

CP-5927 don't make destructive interference happen.

The contraction seems out of place. Same in Experiment 5927-1

This in combination with the inability to create a perfect black body, will make neutralization of SCP-5927 difficult should it ever be necessary.

Comma after "this"

which confused SCP-5927.

How do they know it was confused? Maybe "SCP-5297 appeared confused"

blowing the paint directly at high pressure

This could use a more scientific phrasing.

possibility of creating an unforeseen toxic mist

Why is this - I don't see the connection between it and the ricochet - also, toxic for humans or the SCP?

These are not for signaling.

This line seems out of place, if they're being developed for the SCP, why would people assume they're for signaling?

The flares made SCP-5927…

You only mentioned one Flare being fired a second ago

Impaling may be better for the tone then "skewers"

ripping him apart as if they were harpoons

This seems inconsistent in tone

Light dispersion from the prism whilst it is being filled up.

"Whilst it is being filled up" is wordy and unclear: is it filled by SCP-5927 - if so, you could say "Light dispersion from ▲-5927 while containing SCP-5972

I hope some of these help! I really like the article, and think that even a few changes could increase the readability!

Sirslash47 24 Oct 2020 08:50

Thanks, I'll take a look at it and decide for each suggestion. I'm probably going to do this over a period of time because I don't want to do it all at once and I also am a bit busy with something else atm (not writing another draft).

Edit: included some of them, not sure about others but I can see why you would say them. Also what do you mean with "The contraction seems out of place."? My translation and interpretation of contraction does not fit in my vocabulary associated with SP&G.

Last edited on 29 Oct 2020 19:09 by Sirslash47 Show more

Mateogun 20 Nov 2020 22:05

Greetings. Let me start by saying that i really liked this entity and the clever way of its containment, i think this is a good scp, altough i do thing it has some rough spots, mainly on the ammount of wording you use in some parts.

+ show block

Leaving aside the fact that this is supposed to be a report on SCP-5927 and its containment, repeating its scp number on the description could get a little repetive, as its basically its name, repeating your "main character's" name over and over on a story is not ussually a good thing, maybe change some of them to "the entity" or "it" would be great.

I dont want to say much about the failed Containment Attempts as i cant point out a good way to "improve" on them, but i feel them much like padding, having even an Einstein's quote on there doesnt really tell me much as a reader, and its ok if you like them there, but i felt the need to skip the failed attempts alltogether (although i did read them and i can say that i can see the positives on letting us know more about the R&D of the contaiment, but it felt more like a youtube tutorial)

Getting into the Flare incident report i found details like

SCP-5927 proceeds to absorb their neurotransmitters, killing them

as kind of unnecesary information, by this point in the report the reader knows very well what the skip does with its friky light tentacles, might as well feed on them or instantly break their spines, the agents are killed by the entity, i dont think knowing it eat something while killing them tells me anything important

And this last is probably the most subjective but i find it weird that the victim of this SCP is refferd as a PoI and not SCP-5927-1 as most other skips do, i mean, wondertainment is a PoI, a soon-to-be skip brunch is not a person of interest, at least as the foundation is concerned.

All that aside is a spooky monster being contained in an interesting way so i say this is a good one, i havent yet rated an article but i say you get my first +1 good sir/lady. Have a nice day.

do_the_right_thing 15 Feb 2021 11:40

Now THAT is how you write Containment Procedures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Spoon!

aeneas20 03 Mar 2021 18:47

This has a very interesting containment format, I like the extended application of light based physics. Well Done. +1

GremlinGroup 25 Sep 2021 15:12

As we discussed, I feel like this article is a strong concept that over-explains itself. The resulting article drags on for too long; a more concise take in the same concept would've been much more enjoyable.

Last edited on 25 Sep 2021 15:13 by GremlinGroup Show more