Seeking greenlights / critique

Summary:

They are mind altering objects in the form of a VHS tape.

Seeking greenlights/critique

Serah Monaghan 14 Oct 2020 22:27

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): mind altering scp

Elevator Pitch: Its a group of anomalous VHS tapes of the animation "Parrotvile post office"that when viewed causes the viewer to enter one of two possible altered states of mind both of which are explained clearly in the both the comments and in the draft I have written.
Basic rundown is type 1 tries to steal stuff from post offices, if it can't it attacks people and if it can't do that it attacks itself.
Type 2 try to get more people to watch the VHS tapes.

I want to put in something about a GOI creating them but im not sure which one would work for this, possibly Marshel, Carter & Dark, seems le something they would be interested in/make.

Central Narrative: as its an scp article the central narrative revolves around the containment procedures where applicable, the description and discovery logs, termination attempts and a couple of interviews.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: I don't think this has been done before and I've read atleast half of not more of the articles on the site, similar things may exist but mine seems to be unique if not different enough (sorry if this is not what's ment to go here)

Additional Notes: I currently have the scp article mostly complete I just need to finish the interview im working on, I've already got the main one but it needs tweaking. Any critique is welcome. Disclaimer: I have dyslexia, so please don't be too harsh on the spelling aspects

Last edited on 24 Oct 2020 14:15 by Serah Monaghan Show more

Re: Seeking greenlights/critique

(account deleted) 15 Oct 2020 02:33

Hello Sarah!

I can't give greenlights and I'm not a certified critter.

But let's see

Its a group of anomalous VHS tapes that when viewed causes the viewer to enter one of two possible altered states of mind

It would be great that you could specify what kind of "altered state of mind" are you referring to.

What do you mean by two posibilities?

As it is right now, I can't tell if this is a good or bad idea, it seems you have a concept rather than anomaly.

I suggest you to read Ocuin post and pay attention to the brackets I think that will help a lot.

Hope my comment has been of use

And don't lose motivation, I'm still pitching my first SCP after months of failures, I know if you try you'll be able to do it.

Last edited on 15 Oct 2020 02:33 by (account deleted) Show more

Re: Seeking greenlights/critique

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 04:58

If you want more information about it I'd be more than happy to provide you with a link so you can read what I've got so far, I've had it proof-read by a few people and they all seem to think it explains clearly what it is and what it does.

Edit: removed the link to keep in accordance with the protocols of seeking greenlights/critique.

But to answer your question the first altered state of mind applies to those with a below average MARS, if there is a post office in their approximate area they will make thier way to it and attempt to steal anything of value, if there isn't then they will either attack those around them that are not under the effects of the SCP and furthermore if neither is applicable they become actively suicidal.
The second applies to those with an average or above average MARS, they will seek out people in their approximate area and attempt to force them to watch the tape themselves becoming another affected individual.

Hope that clears everything up.

Last edited on 15 Oct 2020 05:32 by Serah Monaghan Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 15 Oct 2020 05:00

Author, as per the Ideas Critique forum required reading: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13095662/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas do not link to a sandbox unless a reviewer asks to see a draft.

If you would like to seek draft critique without greenlights, please use the IRC chatrooms: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/chat-guide

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 05:05

The way they worded it seemed they were asking to read it, sorry if I am mistaken

Last edited on 15 Oct 2020 05:14 by Serah Monaghan Show more

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 15 Oct 2020 05:20

The way they worded it seemed they were asking to read it

The reviewer asked you questions involving specific information—necessitating that they read through a draft "in as much detail as [you] have" makes it more difficult to help you since the large majority of the text in your draft isn't relevant to the questions they asked.

Best practice is to just answer reviewer questions straightforwardly. If an author is unable to do so without redirecting to a full draft, it makes it seem like the author doesn't know their own content well enough to engage in conversation with a (volunteer, unpaid, using their own free time) reviewer. Help reviewers help you.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 05:28

Ah ok, thanks for the advice. I'm new to the forms so I'm still trying to get an idea of how they work

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 15 Oct 2020 05:30

No worries. Best way to figure out the forums is probably to read through some of the threads other authors have posted to see how they interact with reviewers—same goes for the IRC chatrooms, it can help to sit in on some discussions to get a feel for the review process there.

Last edited on 15 Oct 2020 05:30 by Zyn Show more

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 05:34

The IRC rooms seemingly require me to download an app so I'm not sure, I managed to find what I think it is once but I've not been able to find it again. I've updated my response to answer their question.

Thanks again for the help :-)

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 15 Oct 2020 05:44

The IRC rooms seemingly require me to download an app so I'm not sure

The "Click here to chat" tab from this page: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/chat-guide gives a link to open an in-browser window to access the chat. No app download necessary.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 06:09

Ah ok I see it now, the link was hiding from me, I really need to get a new pair of glasses lol. Thanks again you've been really helpful, is there anything I can do to repay the favour?

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 15 Oct 2020 06:35

Thanks again you've been really helpful, is there anything I can do to repay the favour?

Make use of the resources available to authors; the Guide Hub has some good pages for new authors getting started navigating the site. Take your time when reading guidelines and information pages. There's no need to rush to contribute.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 06:41

I've been wanting to contribute for years (been an SCP fan for about 10 years now), but I certainly will take a look at them

Re: Seeking greenlights/critique

Serah Monaghan 15 Oct 2020 14:41

Made a few updates and changes to the forum post, hopefully its a bit better now.

Last edited on 15 Oct 2020 22:10 by Serah Monaghan Show more

Re: Seeking greenlights/critique

(account deleted) 17 Oct 2020 20:35

Sorry for taking so long!

Mandatory, I can't give greenlights and I'm not a certified critter.

+ show block

Basic rundown is type 1 tries to steal stuff from post offices, if it can't it attacks people and if it can't do that it attacks itself.

So you are saying they are compelled to steal things from posts offices. Why?

The problem here is that this is your pitch, this is the moment to explain your idea clearly so people who read this summary could give you a vote of confidence.

This anomaly falls into the category of a "thing that does a thing" and that is something that is not akin to what people like right now.

A good idea is to create a narrative that justify these behavious and explain even in bullet points if necessary.

Perhaps you could talk about the origins of the tape but keep in mind even doing so that wont guarantee a good article, you'll need a "narrative backbone" to explain an anomaly such as this.

Type 2 try to get more people to watch the VHS tapes.

So this is an anomaly of the "self replicant" kind.

These are very tricky, because you'll have to explain why it didn't show up before.

So you see, you need a good backstory to properly set up your anomaly.

I only have two questios for you:

1.- What are the VHS about?
2.- Why specifically VHS?

*Note 1: I apologize for any grammar mistakes I can't see very good right now.

Disclaimer: I have dyslexia, so please don't be too harsh on the spelling aspects

I have partial dyslexia too, I have a mental disorder and because of the meds I'm taking I started to display dyslexia, short sighting and more.

But since this is a pitch we are only discussing your ideas, not your grammar.

*Note 2: There are some members of the butterfly rooster squad, that help people with grammar and those kinds of mistakes.

Again, hope this helps, don't hesitate to contact (PM) me if you need more assistance.

long post! -Riemann

Last edited on 17 Oct 2020 22:30 by (account deleted) Show more

Re: Seeking greenlights/critique

Serah Monaghan 17 Oct 2020 22:49

Thanks for getting back to me Riemann, I hope you're well.

Its specifically post offices because of the content of the VHS tapes its an old animation called "Parrotvile post office" it was made before the days of DVDs.
I deliberately left it vague because I thought it would make people want to read it in its entirety. Its not been discovered because all the people who watched it before the incidents occurred died and the cause was ruled as a suicide untill more recently. I could add in more detial to the actual article itself.
I've got the main body of it complete but I could add in a resarch log although it's explained fully in the article, I can send you a link to it if you'd like to read it and possibly help me get it to the relevant people who can get it greenlit.

Thanks again for getting back to me,
Serah

Re: Seeking greenlights/critique

Serah Monaghan 24 Oct 2020 14:16

More updates added

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

OCuin 14 Oct 2020 22:44

Author, per the new required reading forum guidelines: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas please fill out the new concept template to seek feedback on your idea:

**Seeking Greenlights:** Put yes or no.

**Page Type:** SCP Article, Tale, GoI Format, Joke SCP, Site Dossier, Other (specify)

**Genre (Optional):** Horror, Drama/Emotional, Comedy, Action, History, Other (specify)

**Page Layout (Optional):** [How will you will structure the page in terms of information presentation, or plot development? If you plan on using a unique format/format screw, describe that here.]

**Elevator Pitch:** [What is the basic core idea? Use a bullet point list if necessary.] 

**Central Narrative:** [Describe the story beats or overarching context/"big picture" for your piece. If there is no story content, put "none".] 

**Hook/Attention-Grabber:** [What is novel/unique about your premise? What is special about your idea here that will make it stand out among the other works already on the mainsite?] 

**Additional Notes:** [Note any concerns or particular areas of assistance you would like reviewers to focus on.]

Remember to please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of your first comment rather than creating a new thread.

Also, please mind the wordcount limit— the combined text for your answers to the last four sections (Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes) MAY NOT exceed 400 words. For convenience, authors can use this page to check wordcount: https://wordcounter.net/

Once you have revised your post accordingly, please reach out to reviewers to request that they look at your thread. You can find a list of ways to contact reviewers in this thread: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Serah Monaghan 14 Oct 2020 23:27

Do I have to use that template? Its just phrased as a suggestion

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

OCuin 14 Oct 2020 23:32

From the required reading I linked above,

As of March 2020, all authors seeking conceptual critique must use the following template:

Emphasis not mine. The format is required for all users seeking feedback on the Ideas forum, please edit your post accordingly before seeking feedback.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Serah Monaghan 14 Oct 2020 23:37

Ok I've redone it, hopefully its done the way I'm supposed to do it