Looking for a Greenlight

Summary:

Second Time's the charm, hopefully... Thank you for your time regardless!

Looking for a Greenlight

Unaturally 14 Oct 2020 12:42

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article,

Genre (Optional): Emotional

Elevator Pitch: A phenomena that occurs around multiple different continents, with no obvious pattern. Individuals, regardless of age or background will fall unconscious, losing all brain activity for roughly 5-10 seconds before regaining consciousness. These affected people will have no memories of their life, poor language skills and are generally extremely emotional when recovered. Additionally, they display little understanding about their surroundings or common human topics.

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Central Narrative Since the first recorded case in the 1990s, the Foundation notices an increase in frequency regarding the phenomena. They decide to interview several of the affected entities, however make little progress due to them being emotionally unstable.

They finally make a breakthrough after finding a more stable individual and teaching him English. He reveals that he and others were originally an alien species from an alternate dimension. Their planet while technologically advanced and rich in resources, was corrupted with the minority of high-ranking members enslaving the mases. Eventually, a civil war erupted which caused many to perish, and others seeking escape.

The subject continues by stating that during this period, an unknown entity presented itself, claiming to give them a ‘Future with war behind them’, in exchange for their technology and resources. Those who accepted had their consciousness taken and used to overwrite a pre-existing human on Earth. The interview concludes with the subject asking whether his people will be accepted, which the interviewer replies that he does not know.

Fast forward a few years and the Foundation has created sites specifically for housing and re-educating the affected individuals, with the purpose of integrating them back into society if possible. The frequency of the phenomena still increases with data predicting that the affected number will reach 10% of the world’s population. A radio transmission is picked up, which is a message from the alien leaders. They order the immediate return of all citizens with a war on Earth if demands are not met. It ends with a Foundation interviewer expressing his thoughts on the matter.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Looks at how the Foundation would react to the ethical situation of ‘Immigrates running away from a war-torn home’, on one hand guaranteeing the safety of their planet while on the other letting a whole civilisation continue to suffer.

Additional Notes: I’m not sure exactly if it should be left ambiguous or not. Thoughts and opinions would be nice!
Thank you for your time!

Last edited on 14 Oct 2020 21:48 by Unaturally Show more

Re: Looking for a Greenlight

DerpCube 14 Oct 2020 13:33

(im new to this site btw)
I think just ending it there with the threat of alien invasion is a little unsettling. It would be nicer, in my opinion, to have the threat addressed in some way, via a negotiation of some sort, perhaps involving other SCP objects.

JS Staff Post -- Forum Crit -- Info

KaraKatt 14 Oct 2020 19:00

Howdy hey DerpCube,

As per the site Criticism Policy, forum critique should be relatively in-depth. Please edit your post accordingly to better assist the author here. If you are uncertain about writing a more thorough critique, feel free to let other reviewers handle providing feedback in this thread.

For more information on giving critique in the Ideas Critique forum, please look at this thread.

---

Unaturally,

I suggest reaching out to someone on the Butterfly Squad Roster to seek additional critique on your idea.

Thank you.

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

OCuin 14 Oct 2020 13:02

Unaturally, as per the Ideas Forum Required Reading, the last four sections of your idea thread may not exceed 400 words. Your pitch is currently 59 words over the limit, please revise it accordingly.

After that, you can reach out to reviewers for critique. This thread includes some suggestions for how to get reviews, and you can also reach out to members of the Butterfly Squad Roster.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Unaturally 14 Oct 2020 21:50

Understood, I have updated the page to fit with the Required Reading. Thank You!

Re: Looking for a Greenlight

Jack Waltz 14 Oct 2020 15:46

Not a greenlighter, but because you are using SCP-1879 as a big part in your idea, I am reminding you to ask permission and discuss your SCP idea with SCP-1879's author.

JS Staff Post -- Forum Crit -- Info

KaraKatt 14 Oct 2020 15:58

Howdy hey Jack Waltz,

As per the site Criticism Policy, forum critique should be relatively in-depth. Please edit your post accordingly to better assist the author here. If you are uncertain about writing a more thorough critique, feel free to let other reviewers handle providing feedback in this thread.

For more information on giving critique in the Ideas Critique forum, please look at this thread.

---

Unaturally,

I suggest reaching out to someone on the Butterfly Squad Roster to seek additional critique on your idea.

Thank you.

Last edited on 14 Oct 2020 15:59 by KaraKatt Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 15 Oct 2020 05:23

I am reminding you to ask permission and discuss your SCP idea with SCP-1879's author.

General note, neither of these are required for mentioning someone else's SCP article in another mainsite page. It's considered common courtesy to reach out to and let the author know, but there's no pressing urgency to ask the author of the referenced page to discuss the work in progress.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Unaturally 15 Oct 2020 08:06

Thanks for the clear up, I'll keep that noted!

Re: Looking for a Greenlight

Cerastes 14 Oct 2020 19:23

Hmm. This is actually a rather interesting idea. It's a simple anomaly, but it makes up for it with a detailed narrative about interdimensional refugees in a tricky situation. The one change I'd recommend making is not weaving SCP-1879 into this, as I think this idea would be served best as a standalone article.

However, all else aside, I think this deserves a greenlight.

Re: Looking for a Greenlight

Unaturally 14 Oct 2020 21:51

Thank You! I've edited the document to remove any reference to SCP-1879. Thank you for the feedback and greenlight!

Re: Looking for a Greenlight

Quadraginta 15 Oct 2020 11:55

I have been summoned via PM! And therefore…I shall respond!

I read the entire thing and…wowsers. This is such a far cry from the previous concept I critiqued from you, I'm immensely impressed and not at all jealous whatsoever at your creativity I 100% applaud your continued drive to pursue a work on this site.

The morally grey area of, 'should we allow these alien refugee hijackers to live with us and maintain possession over our poor, hapless citizens or give them back to their oppressive and tyrannical leaders' would make for an incredibly engaging plot point. I have a slightly difficult time imagining the Foundation favoring kindness and hospitality over keeping the peace and maintaining the veil, but I have no doubt that you can accomplish something to that extent, or at least keep it extremely ambiguous with such a whiplash in quality like this.

Alright. It's settled. GREENLIT.

Now that you got two Greenlights, you have unlocked the draft forums and can now get started on this ambitious beast.

I know this is common advice, but be sure to get crit along the way so you can perfect this bad boy.

Good luck, friend!

Last edited on 15 Oct 2020 11:56 by Quadraginta Show more

Re: Looking for a Greenlight

Unaturally 15 Oct 2020 20:23

Thank you very much! It took some time to think about this concept, however it was definitely worth the time and effort!