no-signal Laboratory -edited

Summary:

Laboratory in a tropical south of Sudan

no-signal Laboratory

Dominic Hammerson 07 Sep 2020 20:58

Laboratory in a tropical south of Sudan, Foundation is unable to investigate it and relay on luck to uncover whats inside > ROUGH IDEA

I moved and trimmed your thread summary, since it was taking up extra space in the main forum screen. Try to keep thread descriptions (the text in the little box under the thread title) and titles short so you don't crowd out other authors in the forum listing. ~Zyn

Seeking Greenlights: No

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Action, Exploration

Page Layout (Optional): Would include several map pictures, perhaps pictures of the inside of scp, would include basic stuff like its classification (safe)

Elevator Pitch: This SCP Article is about a laboratory scp, Sudan. Located in tropical region, its mostly covered and burried in sand. Laboratory holds many unique artifacts and creatures of extraterrestrial origin. Laboratory was found since it produces high electromagnetic waves.

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The Laboratory known as SCP-XXXX or SCP-XXXX_01 contains several other SCPS (at the time of this idea 4, possibly exceeding 10 later on) which, little is known about. The Laboratory itself has only one abnormality; being massively larger from inside (cca. 12 times larger)

Central Narrative: Laboratory came to Foundations notice after it was spotted emitting electromagnetic waves, agent is sent as as soon as he enters all forms of both visual and audio signals are gone, MTF unit is sent as they are able to send several of logs before getting attacked.

List of currently planned scps:

SCP-XXXX_02 is humanoid entity of average height of 1.80m, almost bald with few strains of hair, their eyes are seemingly violently ripped out, they are found in twelve(12) tanks filled with purpulish liquid substance, their behavior and anatomy is unknown since glass was shown bulletproof and wasn't opened by the MTF

SCP-XXXX_03 is small, iron rod about twelve(12)cm in length and three(3)cm wide, it possesses an ability to change form in close proximity to other Laboratory scps (into a knife or a glove, dimensions matter since it cant be changed to lets say a tank)

SCP-XXXX_04 "The Eye", is (currently) an eye that showed intense ability to regenerate. At one point regenerated a partial humanoid skull before it was crushed.

SCP-XXXX_05 are twelve(12) small boxes each saying "OPEN WHEN TIME COMES", one box was opened after MTF squad got attacked in the Laboratory, silent, deep whispers followed by screams were heard before the contact with MTF unit was lost.

I would additionally describe them, but not give any further information about them, further research(another exploration, different MTF) was conducted and only one(1) of the SCP-XXXX_05 were successfully extracted. Opening all twelve(12) instances of this SCP may bring IK class-end-of-the-civilization-scenario.

Researcher's notes go here about the exploration.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Laboratory that foundation cant explore from a distance, and being dangerous to investigate in person makes it hard for Foundation to find a solution and is the reason this SCP is intriguing to read more! there would be several described artifacts and creatures (scps) inside

Additional Notes: This SCP IS NOT FINISHED, its a idea critique and im not looking for greenlights yet! i need critiques! idea lies completely in Foundation not knowing what it is, inability to scan it remotely and dangers of investigating it personally!

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts with a single collapsible. Also, please note the Ideas Critique required reading wordcount limit; your post is more than 330 words over. Please address this before seeking further feedback. ~Zyn

Managed to remove about 250+ words in this version, sorry for causing any problems! ~D. Hammerson

Last edited on 12 Sep 2020 11:39 by Dominic Hammerson Show more

Re: no-signal Laboratory

qntm 10 Sep 2020 00:17

I don't think there's actually a pitch here yet. You need a really good idea for the SCP kept inside the laboratory. The lab itself is of no interest at all unless there's something interesting inside it.

Re: no-signal Laboratory

Dominic Hammerson 10 Sep 2020 16:19

Finnally, thank you!
I appreciate the feedback, in my original version of this scp there is like, several minutes worth of reading exploration log from agent and MTF but i didn't include it here obviously, my idea for the creatures would be, somewhat humanoid but obviously fitting the laboratory

SCP-XXXX_02

This SCP is humanoid entity of average height of 1.80m, their nails are slightly longer, their hair is partially gone leaving just few long hairs, their eyes are seemingly violently ripped out, they are found in twelve(12) tanks filled with purpulish liquid substance, they're behavior and anatomy is unknown since glass is proven bulletproof and wasn't opened by the MTF

SCP-XXXX_03

Small, iron rod about twelve(12)cm in length and three(3)cm wide. It first appears to only be activated when near any door in The Laboratory, it takes form of either a key or required keycard. Later shown the ability to change shape in near proximity of other "Laboratory made items and beings" in the following: knife when user was endangered, wrapped around users hand like a glove in the moment his hand was almost burned and one(1) additional redacted file. Iron rod seems to be working in the form of nanotechnology. (iron rod dimensions are important because it, obviously, cant be transformed in lets say a sword or a tank)

SCP-XXXX_04

"The Eye", is written on a jar containing.. the eye.. It moved and watched MTF squad as they were passing next to it. MTF member held a long eye contact cca.twelve(12)seconds with it and for unknown reasons shot it, jar fell and broke, "The Eye" started to twitch and shake but was seemingly continually restoring itself, at one point it regenerated as far as it gained a partial humanoid skull. It was crushed by the MTF member because he felt "endangered"

SCP-XXXX_05

SCP-XXXX_05 are twelve(12) small boxes each saying "OPEN WHEN TIME COMES", one box was opened after MTF squad got attacked in the Laboratory, silent, deep whispers followed by screams were heard before the contact with MTF unit was lost.

I would additionally - DESCRIBE - them, but not give any further information about them because, well everyone that was included in the operation died, the whole point is to make viewers thing what the hell is down there, further research(another exploration with different MTF) was conducted and only one(1) of the SCP-XXXX_05 were successfully extracted, inormation regarding that SCP is being restricted to individuals currently working on the project chosen by the O5 council.
Further researches came to conclusion, that opening all twelve(12) instances of this SCP may bring IK class-end-of-the-civilization-scenario.

P.S.

If you find all the "secretness" of this scp unecissary, i can add it of course but would ruin the point of this scp
Yes, there would be more scps
yes, there would be $hit ton of logs and 2nd exploration log which i unfortunately havent come up with completely, working on it, this aint draft, just an idea :P VERY DETAILED idea :)

Last edited on 11 Sep 2020 14:51 by Dominic Hammerson Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Junior Staff Post

Naveil 11 Sep 2020 19:39

Dominic Hammerson,

As per the Required Reading, the last four sections of the template should not exceed 400 words. Your post currently goes 335 words over the limit. Please trim your post accordingly. For reference, you can use https://www.wordcounter.net to check your current word count.

Once you have done that, you may contact a member of the Butterfly Squad for critique, or use the IRC Chatrooms to request a review.

Re: no-signal Laboratory -edited

Naveil 15 Sep 2020 20:40

I'm personally not a fan of the "multiple SCPs inside another SCP" spiel. It's fine, it could work, but I'm simply not a fan. You'd require a lot of deliberation to make it work, which'd probably tire out the reader for little positive effect. That's my main conceptualization concern, but beyond that, there's some more.

Narrative - or lack thereof. I know it's supposed to be an exploration-based SCP, but you're missing out on a lot of crucial details. What emotions (beyond "action") are you trying to evoke here? Fear? Emotion? What's the basic structure? How do you plan to utilize the setpieces you've spent your time explaining? Is there any sort of payoff for the reader? How do you plan to differentiate this from the other horror works on the site?

Beyond that… I don't know. This could work, but there's some serious elaboration missing that's stopping me from asking questions and effectively deconstructing this piece.

Re: no-signal Laboratory -edited

Dominic Hammerson 16 Sep 2020 19:34

Hey, I completely understand what you mean, and thanks for feedback!
Emotions I want to give readers? I think the action part is the least one I want to give, the sense of mystery, every next corner hiding something different, the chill you get when discovering something new, that is the feeling I want.
Basic structure? Simplified, Foundation discovers scp, sends agent, agent goes missing, sends mtf, they explore and send information, they get attacked, researcher puts notes here, second mtf goes, they are able to retrieve one scp.- long version, including hundreds of dialogue between MTF, interesting notes from researcher etc.
Payoff for the readers is what it always was, at least for me, dozens of minutes reading and days of thinking about that scp
Difference might be hard to get, there are awesome exploration scps like http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-093 and difference will be that unlike other horror and exploration scps, there will be practically nothing explored, one scp will be extracted and dozen more will only be physically described, the power of mystery here shouldn't be ignored, right?
Its "easy" to make a keter, planet buster scp, but I dont want that, I am not one of those reading joke scps or brain fart ideas… I want scps like 001 proposals, 049, 093, 3000 and similiar, scps what will make you say "Holy [redacted] thats awesome"