SCP-5147 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5147.

Author's post SCP-5147 "The Mannequin Troupe"

Sirslash47 07 Sep 2020 09:56

My first SCP, I hope it is at least readable. If not, my excuses for wasting your time.

Thanks to all my critters (I lost count). Special thanks to cybersqyd for helping me with my application, using IRC, posting and other stuff.

Edit: Some SP&G mistakes were filtered out (That slipped in the article despite crit and an overall check). However English isn't my mother tongue and I still can't guarantee that the article is now 100% correct because of my limited knowledge. Thank you for understanding and I hope this doesn't take away your positive experience on the wiki. Removed the image sources here and added a license box on the article page.

Last edited on 06 Nov 2020 10:56 by Sirslash47 Show more

agent-astor 07 Sep 2020 15:29

I enjoyed it, nice to remember that all SCPs are not murderous demons intent on wiping out humanity.

One point of note however in the sentence "Due to the successful outcomes and rise in morality in staff/SCP-5147, this period was prolonged indefinitely." Morality should be changed to morale. Very fun.

Sirslash47 07 Sep 2020 16:30

Thank you for pointing that out. I was indeed not going for murderous intents.

dom2 07 Sep 2020 15:52

I really liked this. It's always nice to see kind and helpful SCPs! +1

The only thing that's a bit unclear to me is the "08/11/2015 Remain inactive." entry in the unusual requests table. What exactly was being requested here? For the SCP to remain inactive? If that's the case, having the description then says they return to their inactive state almost seems contradictory.

Sirslash47 08 Sep 2020 09:54

That was quite the point, having a little paradox (don't know a better word in English sorry).
Perhaps "Task failed successfully" is the most accurate description. You can blame it on my bad sense of humor if you want.

Sorry for the confusion.

InvictusRaged 07 Sep 2020 20:28

I really like the content, but there are a substantial amount of grammatical and stylistic errors I can't quite get over. No vote from me.

Nickthebrick1 08 Sep 2020 05:27

I think the number for the vocalist and the scribe have errors in them But the article is heartwarming and enjoyable 1+

gee0765 08 Sep 2020 23:29

There's quite a few problems with this. Firstly, the SPaG and clinical tone are very weak in parts, and could definitely do with being looked at a little.

Beyond that, the interview is far, far too long for the amount of important content in it. It doesn't attempt to characterise either the mannequin or the interviewer, and apart from some information about how exactly the anomalies work (which I don't really care about as a reader) the only part that's remotely relevant to the rest of the story is Hiveldyll being assigned to the SCP. The dialogue is also incredibly unrealistic at points.

The log at the end feels like forced wholesomeness. It relies on the Foundation doing things completely unlike them (allowing two anomalies to interact, even if they're Safe-class, is unnecessarily dangerous) and because of the complete and utter lack of anything resembling effective characterisation in the interview log, it seems out of character. All I can think of that justifies it is them thanking the researcher for giving them tasks and a purpose, but seeing as they were totally capable of doing tasks (the birthday party) without being given instructions, this doesn't really work.

Sirslash47 09 Sep 2020 07:27

Thank you for the honest review. I can see where you are coming from and I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I'll take this with me for future reference.

The Issue with SPaG is something someone else already said and to be honest I don't know where the issues are (this doesn't mean that they aren't there). I guess they slipped by the critique and the spelling/grammar corrector. English is not my native language so I might not find them on my own. I'll try correcting them if I see them. I will probably only recognize a few due to my limited knowledge. Please realize that even after this I can't guarantee a flawless article on this part.

ADudeCalledLeo 13 Nov 2020 15:00

I like these funky mannequins. +1
Not many SPaG mistakes (excluding the ones I told you about on IRC, anyway).

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WARNING: Possible non-entity found.

Last edited on 13 Nov 2020 15:00 by ADudeCalledLeo Show more

sachiel187 09 Dec 2020 00:34

so happy to see another heartwarming helpful SCP on the site. was honestly expecting a really hokey twist at the end, but instead, they're just good mannequins. +1.

IAmTheOoga 24 Dec 2020 14:03

They are Good Boys. Easy +1.

Quadraginta 25 Dec 2020 16:28

I'm really sorry, but I downvoted. The interview went on for too long and felt stiff and I don't buy the Foundation letting random anomalies help out because they want to, nor do I buy them allowing contact between multiple anomalies.

gee0765 basically covered all of my issues with it.

I really like you and think you're an incredibly swell and supportive guy, but the critic in me doesn't want to sugarcoat because of it. I'm sorry. -1.