SCP-5137 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5137.

Author Post

Sebarus 02 Sep 2020 20:14

New article after two months of not posting anything. Wanted to get it out before the contest. I was kind of going for a Series 1-esque murder monster but with a modern flair. I hope it panned out.

Edit: Forgot to mention, but this article also features a cameo from Basar, my friend UncertaintyCrossing's character. Go check their stuff on the Wanderer's Library: http://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/the-gatekeeper-s-room

Thank you to my wonderful critters: Avelon21, UncertaintyCrossing, PlaguePJP, Phiiota, Elunerazim, TheDevelopingCookie, CountAbra, DrChandra, and Ralliston

Last edited on 03 Sep 2020 17:57 by Sebarus Show more

Nagiros 02 Sep 2020 20:54

This follows the usual monkey-paw format without any deviations that interest me; nor does the central character really break any new ground.

Wasn't anything here I didn't find predictable, unfortunately.

stagma 03 Sep 2020 08:28

Somewhat creepy with the skin-monsters, but like what Nagiros said, a bit predictable.

Grigori Karpin 03 Sep 2020 09:31

I don’t mind the predictability, because maybe the journey would be worth it. But I found no emotional connection to Gerry or his troubles.

Honestly what turned me off is just how heavy the video log is in exposition, it’s clearly explaining the way he learned how to do this to the reader. I have a hard time buying that someone would continue making video journals like this. It would be one thing if he was recording it for posterity, but it’s just supposed to be a therapy technique.

It’s a no vote for me.

NotCity 03 Sep 2020 17:58

I’m gonna novote this one. The concept and execution aren’t bad, but nothing really stuck out to me or caught my attention for too long. Aside from ooh, scary skin monsters this was just another monkey’s paw that didn’t build on anything new.

Zander Lassiter 07 Sep 2020 13:48

Why did Tom's skin decide to make more friends? Why did it think that one freind wasn't enough to make sure the man wouldn't be alone. I think the change in behavior needs a trigger.
I found a couple grammar errors that can easily be fixed.

PoI-5137: Oh, right. It says that I need to state your purpose. I… I need you to be my friend so I wouldn't be alone anymore. Like before. Does that sound good?
{After a while, the man falls asleep. As he does so, SCP-5137-1 detaches from him. It crawls up the wall, into the ceiling and then out of the bedroom window.}

wouldn't should be won't because the rest of the sentence is present tense, and Tom's skin crawls on to the ceiling not into it.

voidlocke 18 Nov 2020 20:08

I really want to like this one, I really do. I think it has some great potential but the audio logs are just a little too on the nose. No-vote for now, but i'd love to see some improvements.