SCP idea: Protective Jumpsuit (Seeking Greenlight)

SCP idea: Protective Jumpsuit (Seeking Greenlight)

DocOleJoeShimo 01 Sep 2020 18:17

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: Its a D-Class Jumpsuit that protects the wearer.

Central Narrative: It's about how the foundation thinks a D-Class is an anomaly and finding out about multiple jumpsuits among D-Class.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: SCP-X has the appearance of a standard D-Class personal jumpsuit. When SCP-X is worn SCP-X will at all costs protect the wearer. SCP-X can use threads to attack life forms it sees as harmful to the wearer. SCP-X is able to harden threads to protect the wearer from incoming projectiles such as bullets. SCP-X is able to insert treads via the wearer's skins so it can heal internal organs. There is an unknown number of jumpsuits in circulation.

---

DocOleJoeShimo

Re: SCP idea: Protective Jumpsuit (Seeking Greenlight)

KaraKatt 01 Sep 2020 18:34

[Placeholder o' Doom!!! Will crit within 24 hours]

Howdy hey! I'm KaraKatt and I'll be dropping a little bit of crit today!

+ Line by line and general thoughts.

Questions I Have While Reading Through

Its a D-Class Jumpsuit that protects the wearer.

Cool. Why? Whats its point in doing this? Did the Foundation make it?

It's about how the foundation thinks a D-Class is an anomaly and finding out about multiple jumpsuits among D-Class.

Thats not a narrative. Its more of a discovery. Why should we care about the jumpsuit? Why should we keep reading? What is the story you want to tell?

SCP-X can use threads to attack life forms it sees as harmful to the wearer. SCP-X is able to harden threads to protect the wearer from incoming projectiles such as bullets. SCP-X is able to insert treads via the wearer's skins so it can heal internal organs. There is an unknown number of jumpsuits in circulation.

Cool, but why does it protect the wearer? Whats its point?

---

Final notes

So this is a "thing what does a thing". The site has largely moved beyond that in favour of more shortform storytelling. That being said, there's a delightful guide written by the delightful Uncle Nikolini about this.

So - it's not enough to just present this. You need to make the reader engage with it. This is usually done with a narrative, hence the above suggestion. So - what about this interests you? Why? And how do you get that across to your reader? Keep in mind "it does the thing!" isn't enough. We need to want to know more.

Good luck!

Last edited on 01 Sep 2020 18:56 by KaraKatt Show more

Re: SCP idea: Protective Jumpsuit (Seeking Greenlight)

Naveil 02 Sep 2020 01:05

This idea isn't particularly developed. Although you have a narrative, you're not elaborating in any way that matters, effectively dulling this down to a thing that does a thing.

Even so, the anomaly is not particularly interesting in any department. It's just a glorified mech suit. Something like this desperately needs a narrative to elevate its potential, which is something I'm not getting.

Of note, you've reposted this idea multiple times now. Are you aware that you can edit posts? Click the "Options" button underneath your post, which should drop down an "Edit" button.

I highly recommend sticking to a single thread and updating it with new developments, rather than reposting the same idea every two weeks with very minor changes attached. You can follow this thread to contact reviewers and give more visibility to your post.