Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Summary:

A device that makes things "perfect" with zero variety. Let's see what it does to the Earth!

Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Mikaelious 22 Aug 2020 12:09

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Page Layout (Optional): Standard, including some testing and interview logs

Elevator Pitch: A device that, when activated, "scans" an object or a mass of substance (solid, liquid or gaseous), then turns it into a "perfect" version. These "perfected" objects are practically indestructible and always the same exact shape (spherical), size, weight, consistency and temperature, no matter what the original object was made of. Things like color and smell may be different, but that's about it.

Central Narrative: The Foundation discovers and detains the inventor of the device. After spending some time captive, the inventor activates the device remotely, and it begins scanning the Earth. For very obvious reasons, this is a serious case; if they don't find out how to disable the device (it's designed to be durable, if not indestructible), the Earth will eventually be doomed. And the inventor won't cooperate, claiming that this way the Earth will also become "perfect".

Hook/Attention-Grabber: It's a subversion of a "thing what does a thing" in that it produces no variety at all with its results. In addition, such a simple anomaly is turned into a potential doomsday device with a press of a button.

Additional Notes: I'm not entirely sure whether I should end the article with the neutralization of the device, or leave it open in a way similar to SCP-2700, i.e. the danger remains. Thoughts?

Re: Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Naveil 22 Aug 2020 14:01

So the very obvious problem here is the lack of any conclusion.

I should note that there are SCPs that do end in XK scenarios or implied XK scenarios. It's perfectly doable, but extremely difficult at that. I'm not getting a good feeling from your narrative - nothing just… clicks together.

For one, the actual anomaly. It's nothing particularly interesting, and your intent to make it interesting by turning it into a doomsday device can only be as good as the narrative, which doesn't do wonders for me either. It feels like a string of plot devices designed to enforce the previously mentioned lack of conclusion (oh hey, the creator somehow managed to turn on the device and use it to scan earth) which doesn't feel organic, it feels like you're artificially nudging the story forward, which is something you always want to avoid.

Even if the story did click, I'd still be tentative to give this the go-ahead as "the world ends if we don't do something" stories have been done to death and are hard to pull off, even for an experienced author. You can change up the story or what-have-you, but I'd say boot the doomsday stuff, or leave it on the back burner.

Re: Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Mikaelious 22 Aug 2020 15:05

Thank you for your feedback!

Your concern about the lack of conclusion is exactly why I asked whether it would be good to leave it open. But yeah, you have some good points. I'll keep working on it!

Edit: I know it's my job to make the article and all, but what would you suggest for the article/narrative instead of an end-of-the-world scenario? I have some ideas for myself, but nothing solid yet.

Last edited on 22 Aug 2020 15:13 by Mikaelious Show more

Re: Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Naveil 22 Aug 2020 17:50

I generally don't really help come up with narratives, since that's a process better left up to the author. If you can't think of anything, chances are the ideas I throw at your won't be stellar either.

As for some general advice, a narrative is more than just a string of events that happen. They should make the reader feel something, be it fear, sadness, joy, etc. If you take SCP articles to be short-stories made to fit a specific format, ask yourself whether this narrative would still be interesting to read in a conventional form of literature.

Another point to make is that the narrative should take advantage of the anomaly at play. If I were to write about an egg that turns you into a chicken, but make the narrative about something completely different, it tends to feel like wasted potential. These "safe narratives", while not necessarily bad, tend to be nothing special. If you really want to push yourself and make something truly great, intertwine both Elevator Pitch and Central Narrative to create something cool. At the same time, if you're unable to do so effectively, you might want to examine whether it's an issue with creativity, or if the anomaly is flawed at its core.

Re: Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Mikaelious 22 Aug 2020 18:26

That's actually some very good advice. Thanks a lot! I'll be sure to keep it in mind for my future ideas!

Re: Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

OCuin 22 Aug 2020 21:54

[Placeholder from PM]

I'm largely with Naveil on this one. The concept is a fairly generic "thing that does a thing", and what it does, whilst unusual, is not particularly interesting. Turning it into a doomsday device doesn't really help it at all, in fact, it harms the overall concept by making it more generic. I'd really recommend thinking about what kind of story you'd like to see out of this. The story here right now is very focused on the end idea of this end of the world scenario, which makes the conflict feel very singular, and especially when the conflict is weak, this isn't really enough to carry the whole idea.

I'd really recommend delving into the scientist here. If I understand correctly, this device basically makes everything roughly the same, right? So, why does the scientist think that's good? What made them come to believe that? What events happened along that personal journey of theirs? Personally, their thing of making things perfect by homogeneity is a little cliched and not all that interesting, but it's an improvement over the current direction, and could be made compelling with enough justification and good character work. Right now, I think this concept is really lacking that personal element - it all feels a little dry and impersonal. I think this would help add the interesting factor it needs.

Last edited on 24 Aug 2020 21:31 by OCuin Show more

Re: Seeking Greenlights (0/2): The Perfector

Mikaelious 24 Aug 2020 21:47

Thank you for your feedback! Yeah, I understand now why the doomsday thing doesn't really work or bring anything into it. I'll consider what you said and maybe make some revisions later, if I still feel inspired.