Strikethrough for removal, Blue for adding, and Green for clarification.
site 19 Site-19
Site names should always be capitalized and have a hyphen in between. Noting that this is a reoccuring error.
Any wWater excreted by SCP-5XXX should be mopped cleaned
"Any" here is redundant, as the sentence works and still maintains the same meaning without it. I also felt like "cleaned" would be a better replacement for "mopped" in the area of clinical tone.
SCP-5XXX is a 16 x 11 x 5 cm yellow cleaning sponge— —.
Also, keep an eye on spacing. There is a large unnecessary gap between "sponge" and the period. Noting that extraneous spacing is a reoccuring error throughout the draft.
that to the Foundation's knowledge, appears to be is considerably infinite.
Don't tell us what the object "appears to be/do" something when it for all intents and purposes is/does that something. Scientific documentation should not be hesitant about assertions. Noting that this issue that pops up again later in the draft. Additionally, the "Foundation" is a possessive noun in this sentence, and requires an apostrophe to indicate that it possesses this "knowledge". This is also another re-occurring error.
(See Testing Logs.)
This seemed a little out of place with the sentence structure, so I think it would be better if there where parentheses or brackets surrounding it.
SCP-5XXX is always indefinitely dry.
"is always" doesn't sound very clinical tone like to me. I think "indefinitely" would be a better replacement since it has a similar meaning: for an unlimited or unspecified period of time/degree or extent.
Even after Regardless of coming into contact with liquids
Again, the clinical tone is inconsistent. "Regardless of" would come off sounding more formal while maintaining the same meaning/intent.
there is no evidence that it SCP-5XXX has ever came come into contact with any substances of any matter, as no lingering dampness will not be present.
Try to refer to the entity by its designation when possible. I also fixed the tense a little bit to hopefully make it sound more formal.
SCP-5XXX will begin to discharge water
"begin to" is unnecessary and may disrupt clinical tone consistency. The sentence works all the same without it anyway.
methods ranging from lightly poking to squeezing by hand will produce generate water
I felt like "generate" would make the sentence sound more formal rather than "produce".
As of █/██/20██, the Foundation has not been able to inflict any damage upon SCP-5XXX. Attempts were made to tear or puncture SCP-5XXX, but to no avail.
Always use a comma after an introductory phrase. Noting that this is a reoccurring error throughout the draft. Additionally, the phrase "but to no avail" is commonly separated from the independent clause by a comma.
8oz 8 oz of water.
There should be a space between a number and a unit of measurement.
Result: Water was excreted excretion from SCP-5XXX within 5 seconds. No residue or moisture is left present on SCP-5XXX.
I trimmed down the first sentence and added some words in the second to keep the tone consistent. You can use this same wording for the rest of the test logs if you wish.
7.6 liters of water.
Never forget punctuation. It's how you end a sentence. Noting that this is another re-occurring error throughout the draft.
SCP-5XXX is introduced to a 50 liter batch of fluoroantimonic acid
Remember to keep the tone consistent.
Test Log SCP-5XXX-09
Missing hyphen. Noting that missing hyphens are a re-occurring error throughout the draft.
SCP 5XXX into Exposure to a 50 liter batch of mercury
Okay, this is where the logs appear to be poorly executed. The tone is clearly not consistent.
received from the Atlantic ocean to the south western South Western coast of Ireland
You skipped a word. It just seemed choppy without the "to" to fill in the gap. I'm also pretty sure "south western" should be capitalized here.
Field agents were deployed to the surrounding areas
Again, check to make sure the sentences flow consistently.
field agents noted notice an inactive Foundation submersible vehicle
Did you mean notice? The sentence afterwards seem to consist of descriptive words.
The craft was subsequently opened, and the agents had found a sponge, a recorder with a single message, along with and several usb USB memory sticks.
I added some words to aid the flow of the sentences. Please remember that when listing objects, you end the sentence with a ", and" and the the last listed item. Noting that this is a reoccuring error. Also, I'm pretty sure "usb" should be capitalized.
Dr. Adams, head on site research Site Research specialist regarding SCP-5XXX. Oon ██/██/2021.
There should be a space between "Adams" and the comma. I also feel like "site research" should be capitalized, and the date should be a part of the one sentence.
storage wing Storage Wing B
I think that should be capitalized too.
Maybe you can learn from our mistakes, m. Maybe you’ll just have a better stroke of luck than we did. Well, no use worrying about it now. Keep
Decided to split the sentence since there was a comma splice. Noting that this is a reoccuring error.
But for the most part, it was a non issue.
I felt like it would be natural to have a pause there.
Their message was on every t.v. T.V. channel
"t.v" should be capitalized since it's an acronym.
dinner with your mother-in-law, type of scary things
Comma is unneeded.
Because of that the world was going to be flooded, and humanity would be washed away.
Both sides of the sentences are independent clauses and require a comma and a conjunction.
sitting
Not sure if this was intentional language, but just in case it was actually a typo.
Scuba divers Divers
I think nicknames should be capitalized.
Gasps can be heard as the camera turns in the direction of three members of the crew, along with cries of profanity.
Those two phrases didn't need to be separated.
sSubject pauses to observe an unusual coral growth
Remember to check capitalization. Noting that this is a reoccuring error throughout the draft.
Subject is attempting to get back towards the shuttle.
Filled in missing word.