Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes

Summary:

From the guys who brought you the SCP about the firetruck that came to life

Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes

Boogey_Man23 15 Aug 2020 06:39

From the guys who brought you the SCP about the firetruck that came to life. Get ready for… More big trucks that come to life!

In this, the latest Boogey_Man23 & Nickthebrick1 Production!

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Seeking Greenlights: Not necessary.

Page Type: SCP Article Tale

Genre (Optional): Action-Thriller / Heist Caper story

Page Layout (Optional): Typical narrative fiction style

Elevator Pitch: In a city where garbage is piling up in the streets, "one man's trash is another man's treasure". Someone with the means to convert garbage into profits is planning to get rich in one big move, and they're doing the heist… with anomalous sapient big trucks!

So what's the scoop?

Central Narrative: When one phase of the scheme gets picked up on the Foundation's radar, a pair of Field Agents are sent to investigate. They follow a breadcrumb trail of clues that leads them to uncover the whole plot - but can they resolve the situation and catch the mastermind before it's too late?

Hook/Attention-Grabber: A team of heavy commercial vehicles that are alive and working together to pull off an unconventional caper, and the Foundation has to figure it out and contain the situation before it's too late.

Additional Notes: Meet the Caper Crew!

• DIVA-SCENT: A rubbish bin that people perceive to be a nice young girl. She's the influential face of the bunch that's going to have civillians unwittingly aiding the rest of the team.
• STAKE & SPIKE: A deck-bed cargo truck and a forklift that work together as a duo. They're a pair of tough guys with a supporting role in the scheme.
• DUSTER: Slow, steady, and smart; a streetsweeping truck who's been casing all the curbsides in the city, plotting the routes for the team on the night of the heist.
• TWO-PAIRS: A fearless dump truck that's ready to haul a heavy load, and to get heavyhanded with anything trying to interfere in the plot.
• BEARD: A garbage truck, he is the team's cunning leader. Actually has the ability to convert the loaded trash into valuables.

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We have got some plans staked out for how the plot kicks off and unfolds, but for now mainly judging audience interest / seeking feedback on the premise. Thanks!

Last edited on 05 Nov 2020 08:52 by Boogey_Man23 Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 18 Aug 2020 05:00

Since this thread has fallen to page 6 with no responses, this is a quick staff reminder to the author that if you haven't yet, you should contact reviewers directly to request feedback as needed.

Please refer to this thread for more information: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already reached out to multiple reviewers and received no reply, notify a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Nickthebrick1 18 Aug 2020 16:21

Got it, thanks for the advice, me and the OP of this thread will get onto that.

Re: Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes

OCuin 18 Aug 2020 16:41

[Placeholder from PM]

So, just to be sure I have it all pinned down, this is a story of a series of vehicles that use trash to make money? As a premise, that's… fine? but there's really not enough to go off here. The primary thing is that there's very little detail on what actually happens in the story beyond a narrative premise. I'm not even sure what the anomaly is actually mean to be. (And on that note, I second cybersqyd's does not match any existing user name recommendation that this becomes a tale - it would allow you to focus on the story being told much more easily, I think)

Similarly to cybersqyd, I'd be unwilling to greenlight without a better idea of the details of the story. Your pitch reads more like a blurb summary of the story, and while that's fine for selling a reader on the idea, it's very unhelpful to a reviewer. To properly critique the idea, we'll just need more detail. The premise on it's own isn't enough to throw my support behind this idea.

Last edited on 19 Aug 2020 20:40 by OCuin Show more

Re: Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes

Truc Linh 18 Aug 2020 23:07

PM request acknowledged.

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T.L. at your service!

+ Here lies crit crit

I'm personally not too fond of this concept. To me, this just sorta comes off as Thomas and Friends, but with trucks. I guess if you both focus on really incorporating the action thriller, and maybe a bit of comedy into the narrative, it could mask a bit of that reminiscence.

Another concern I have with this is that I feel like you both haven't really elaborated enough with the narrative. I personally would like to see a bit more context from what is already presented. Right now, it just doesn't seem like enough for me to provide an actual full opinion on it.

With all that said, I'm gonna second cybersqyd's suggestion on a tale for this. I feel like this won't stand very well on it's own just as a SCP article.

Overall, I also would be unwilling to greenlight this as it is. There isn't enough to convince me that this isn't just a Thomas and Friends type of concept. Really elaborate on the action thriller when fleshing out the narrative.

If you have any questions regarding my critique, please let me know. You are welcome to PM me for another look, or you may follow up with someone from the Butterfly Squad Roster or IRC Chat rooms.

Last edited on 19 Aug 2020 18:41 by Truc Linh Show more

Re: Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes

cybersqyd 19 Aug 2020 09:45

This feels like it might work better as a tale than a SCP just from the perspective of it allowing you to really centre the story on the people carrying out the heist instead of the Foundation? Like I can see it being a fun multi-perspective story where you alternate PoVs between the Foundation racing to catch the SCPs and the trucks; so you can really ramp the tension up that way.

Beyond this, I guess I'm just. unsure on the specifics? Like, if trash is so valuable, why aren't they robbing landfill sites instead of garbage from a city? Why are they using sapient garbage trucks instead of like, normal ones? I guess the implication is it's cos the entire heist crew are the trucks?

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On a higher level note, this seems very much like it could be fun even if I'm not quite sure how you'd pull it off (in a neutral way: it seems like you haven't planned this rather; and i'm not saying I don't see anyway it could be pulled off); and like. the devil is in the detail I guess; I'd be unwilling to greenlight this without having a better idea of how you'd be intending actually telling the story.

Re: Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes

Boogey_Man23 03 Nov 2020 06:06

Alright! This thread has been a long time dormant, but the idea is not dead.

Thank you to everyone who has replied with feedback so far. Based on common consensus above, we are now telling this story as a Tale.

Here's a breakdown of the Plot so far

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The Tale is primarily told from the perspective of our two Foundation MTF Field Agents. They are asked to follow up on a lead by HQ; this is the first clue on the trail to the Garbage Crew.

They arrive too late to catch the anomaly at the scene, but interviewing a couple witnesses gives them their next lead and they search the area.

Here they manage to catch up with the Crew, but the trucks win the encounter and escape. Also at this point, our boys cross paths with a couple of UIU Agents also working in the area.

The Feds and the Skippers all reconvene and pool their resources into solving the matter before them. From here they go on to discover where the Crew's home base is.

Some other steps may occur in between, yet to be defined. (Not being cagey, reviewers; we legit don't know quite know what happens here yet.)

Ultimately the Agents storm the base, take down the Crew, and wind up with the human puppetmaster in their custody. He explains some of the remaining loose ends, and mainly that his anomalous abilities to bring the trucks alive was exploited for this scheme by the real criminal masterminds.

In the end, it's decided that the Skippers will take in all the trucks and anomalous materials recovered at the scene for containment, and the Feds will place the human suspect under arrest with hopes of him informing on the bigger criminals involved.

Only after this, however, will it come to light that the UIU guys were actually part of the plot along with the suspect and that they've all escaped.

The End

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It's all turning out to be quite a bit of ground to cover, so this story might be split up across two or three chapters. We have a rough draft of the First Act (up to the point where the UIU guys show up) that could be looked at, for an idea of how this starts off. Standing by for more feedback, or to answer questions; thanks!