SCP-5595: [[size 96%]] I WILL AGREE TO THAT.
formatting error. besides that,
THE MOON IS WHITE, DUMBASS.
I laughed. +1
Thought I'd revisit this piece since I agree that boiling the dialogue to just a few lines is odd. Unfortunately, those few lines are the most memorable parts of the article — in a bad way. And of the piece's remaining
lines of dialogue, only two are actually funny.
Notable points:
5595 only gets 27 lines. Eight of these are exceedingly short: basic answers like "YES", "What do you mean", "I would not like that", and "Not yet". So less than twenty of its lines actually characterize it, which means a full fifth of 5595's dialogue reiterates that it is "SITE DIRECTOR GEOFFREY HARRISON THE THIRD", which tells me that you intended to lean on this for humor but failed. Instead of being charmingly dumb, it's an unpleasantly grating introduction.
It's worse because this that dialogue is front-loaded right at the beginning — three of the first four lines repeat that point. That's a full third of 5595's dialogue in the first interview log alone. That wouldn't be a problem if the rest of the dialogue was funny or even memorable, but it isn't. The only funny lines it has are "THE MOON IS WHITE, DUMBASS", and "LOOK HERE BUCKAROO, I'M A GOOD ASSET TO HAVE."
The interviewers' dialogue is similarly unmemorable. The first interviewer primarily reiterates that 5595 is not a site director, which isn't made funnier by its repetition. The second interviewer's dialogue starts to pick up near the end when he threatens the machine, but most of it consists of pointless filler questions and statements rather than funny repartee.
The addendum could still potentially salvage the piece… but it doesn't. The potato-cauliflower mishap, "buy me a drink first", and the punchline about a diet program all feel like lazy gags rather than additional fun characterization.
5595's dialogue is clearly the focal point of this piece but there's not enough that's actually enjoyable. A third of its lines are basic five-word sentences. So of the sixty lines of dialogue, less than twenty actually characterize it. And when a fifth of those twenty are just 5595 repeating its long, boring name over and over again… it's hard not to be disappointed.
Fair, though it only says it 5 times in total throughout the entire piece. Boiling this piece down to 4 lines of dialogue within 30 60 is odd. I can see how it may get old and that’s why I didn’t push it that far.
Thanks for reading!
It's very cute; I love those interview logs. However, there's something about the description section that just feels… Off? Here's what stood out to me:
SCP-5595 is an unbranded gumball machine fitted with a steel body and glass dome that presumably acts as its visual and auditory organs.
Why is it presumed? It sounds like the Foundation is just making assumptions. Maybe say that statements made by our lovely Director Harrison suggest they function as such.
SCP-5595 is sapient and is capable of intelligent speach via a hidden speaker system in its main body. Although, its voice highly modulated and barely intelligible at times.
That would work better reworked into a single sentence, I think.
Recovery protocols were enacted, SCP-5595 was captured with relative ease and placed in a Safe-class containment chamber.
Comma splice, and that "relative ease" feels a bit off tone.
Not enough to keep me from a +1; this is adorably charming.
Staff notice: this user has been permanently banned for plagiarism.
wait, is ObsidianBook the one one getting banned or is it PladuePJP?
It's not too long, got me laughing and a genuine good read. What more do you need. +1
+1
Ah, much has been said about this SCP and how lovely it is, and I must agree, of course. But I'm quite intquiged by the GOI introduced here, and Happy Pals Command has a good ring to it. If you don't mind, I might be interested in writing a tale about the HPC.
i really enjoyed this, made me laugh more than once. i like to think that he'll actually discover something of note in the cafeteria some day. easy +1
