The concept:
Elevator Pitch: From descriptions of many unfortunate souls that have encountered this anomaly, the entire building is a wonderland of a trap. Inside the building, you will find each floor covered in columns of toys and workers that look like walking mannequins, constantly polishing, and fixing toys within the store. These workers wear purple aprons and blue pants with a yellow shirt. At the entrance of the store, you would find a purple and white sign reading "Choose at your own risk". Victims that do try and pick up a toy or tamper with it will alert the workers who then run at the exact person that tampered with one of the toys and start tearing at their limbs and flesh and begin stuffing their body inside a new modern toy with a tag that has their name on it, still alive but unable to move on a shelf.
Well, to put it simply, I quite like this concept. Though with that said, I take issue with the sheer amount of detail this goes into. As the pitch seems to value the skips rules/effects over the story and other relevant(ish) info, such as possible motives and a reason as to why the store has (presumably) remained undiscovered for a while -(more on this later). -Do note that these details are not vital to the article however, I feel in this case, your skip would benefit a "purpose" of sorts. Currently the lack of info around it makes it feel a bit unrealistic.
The narrative:
Central Narrative: In New York City, Manhattan the foundation was investigating strange disappearance near a toy store and dispatch a group of MTF to its location and a few other personnel. Soon after the MTF enter, every one of them felt a strange feeling about the place even though it was colorful and lit up after 5 minutes of staying inside and searching. They then each procced to search each of the isles. After a few minutes of searching they all run into a worker that was just roaming the 2nd floor of the store. It just stood there and stared at them with a look as if it knew they were each going to die. After the encounter, one MTF headed for the 1st floor. He looked around and noticed a toy train that his son wanted for Christmas, as he got more curious about the toy he didn't notice he was also pulling on the blanket under it while leaning toward it and soon it fell while at the same time a worker turned at his direction. Seconds later he let out a scream and soon after the rest of the squad ran up to his floor but were too late. They looked around but couldn't find him. They did notice that there was a new toy on that shelf but ignored it. Minutes later, something from out of the shadows grab 2 of the other members by their legs and pulled them to the top floor at incredible speed as they each screamed their lungs out. The last member barely got out of there as outside personnel saw the MTF running out of the store with a plastic arm starting to grab him as he screamed out "HELP ME!". The investigation soon stops and containment of the anomaly will soon be underway.
I feel like the story is lacking a little, as there seems to be a little too much focus on the MTF team. The entire story can more or less be described as an exploration log, which is fine however, there doesn't seem to be much of a payoff here (and if I'm being honest, I don't think the setup is strong enough either).
The Foundation steps in weirdly early? why/how would one, seemly random disappearance attract the Foundations attention?. This sounds like a job for authorities more than anything. Even then, I'm surprised a disappearance was what got the Foundations attention, as these "workers" just kind of roam around freely. Wouldn't they have been spotted and reported, considering this is in New-York, it feels weird that was left undiscovered.
As for the payoff, the story ends with the containment procedures being underway, which feels odd considering the article (most likely), wouldn't be published until containment procedures were established and enacted. It feels like a quick way to get out of explaining more about the skip, and as a result, the story/article as whole feels a unfinished.
I feel like the MTF team going into an unknown SCP, with no prior tests done, falls into the "MTF team gets picked off" cliche. It sort of felt like this team was sent in for the express purpose of showcasing the skips effects.
Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.- overall, this isn't far off from a greenlight. I would recommend you cut back on explaining the skips effects/rules in such detail, and focus more on the story, what you want the audience to feel and how that could be conveyed. The skip itself sounds pretty good to me, though I feel it lacks a purpose.
If you would like me to give this further advice/feedback, then feel welcome to shoot me a PM or ask via IRC. response times generally range from 2-12 hours over PMs.
