The concept:
Elevator pitch: A no-named ship makes you jump of the bridge if you stare too long through it's bridge windows and also makes you start speaking a language you don't know.
My first concern is that this more or less feels like a "thing that does a thing", as there is no information given on why the skip might be like this, how it go so run down and what its history could be. The only thing thats really given attention here are the effects, which alone, will not be able to carry the article.
Compulsion SCPs have been done a fair bit on the site already. And they tend lose audience interest, as they more or less act as a plot device. The effect takes away from the characters and story, as they are essentially forced into situations for the sake of the story/skip.- generally speaking, its a safer bet to have the characters own decisions be their downfall, its easier to relate to them that way, which makes it easier to become emotionally invested.
-As for the "language", it feels a bit disjointed/unnecessary, its no really referenced after the pitch. Why exactly it important, what does it have to do with the ship and how does it impact the story?
The narrative:
Central Narrative: SCP-XXXX was found in the Gulf of Mexico in 1996 by the crew of 'M/V Petersburg', an oil tanker. The bulk-carrier has no anchors, no anchor winches, no UHF antenna for radio communication and looks very similar to a Yugoslavian ship called 'M/V Malinska'. However, some differences stick out, such as the ship is longer than 'M/V Malinska' and it's number 2 crane is broken. Upon entering the superstructure, and standing on the bridge, any person will experience visual and audiotorial hallucinations, ranging in intensity by two factors: what connection do they have to the sea and how long they've been on the bridge. In worst case scenario, you start screaming and you run out of the superstructure to the bow and back, but this time you climb the superstructure to it's 35 meter peak and kill yourself by jumping off.
Those who survive the hallucinations never speak English again and try to board the ship and if left with supervision, commit suicide.
This more or less sounds like a more detailed EP, other than a very brief discovery, there really isn't much of a first, second or third act. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this either, as the "story" doesn't seem to have much of a theme or much tone, overall it left me a bit uninterested as the "story" didn't give me any more insight into the skip, and the "events" weren't emotionally engaging. - (do note that suicide isn't a story telling technique) the way its been used here comes off as insensitive and a quick way to raise the stakes.
I would highly recommend you start work on developing a narrative, as the current rendition doesn't really pass as a story. Narratives can help with audience engagement, and they can further explain the skip. Modern audiences tend to favour skips with a narrative, with has lead to them becoming the standard.
Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.- Overall I would recommend you put more detail into the skip itself, try to think about history and/or look for ways to link the effects back to the skip. I would highly recommend you try to distance the concept from "compulsion" in general, as its not often received well.
If you would like me to give this further advice/feedback, then feel welcome to shoot me a PM or ask via IRC. response times generally range from 2-12 hours over PMs. If your looking for additional critiques in general, then I couldn't recommend the Butterfly squad more:)
