Hammerhead Lizard

Summary:

[thread locked; OP request]

Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 30 Jul 2020 18:34

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: A creature that resembles a komodo dragon with a head that is similar to a hammerhead shark. It has electric organs in its body similar to those of an electric eel. There are also electric sensory organs (Ampullae of Lorenzini) in its head. It also has the ability to absorb electricity and save it for later use. Due to its mutations, it was ignored by other komodo dragons, but was brought up by local villagers. For this reason, it has become friendly with humans and wishes to aid humanity any way possible.

Central Narrative: After it is handed to the SCP Foundation (the villagers could no longer afford to keep it), it quickly bonds with the researchers and other staff there. It forms a special relationship with two of the agents that were sent to retrieve it and later even accompanies them on various missions. After one of the agents, who happened to have come from the same village, is killed in action, the lizard becomes depressed.

Per the discussion below, I have changed the original central narrative

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The appearance and description of the creature is unique. It has the natural abilities of the hammerhead shark, komodo dragon, and electric eel. (Note I am not simply combining the three animals, it is an unique creature of its own right—it is only similar to these animals). Another factor is its truly bizarre and frightening appearance, however it is instead friendly. The main hook would be its involvement in Mobile Task Force missions and its sudden behavioral change after it becomes depressed.

Additional Notes: I'm not entirely sure that the central narrative works so I'm willing to add additional details to it. If you are not sure about anything, I am happy to explain what I was thinking.

Last edited on 07 Aug 2020 04:02 by theoneandonly245 Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

wackyTiger 31 Jul 2020 22:08

This is a good article in my opinion, though I feel like it's a bit slightly off.

Firstly, I do not think that the O5 Council themselves would necessarily ask for the termination of the SCP, I feel like it would be an MTF commander or other sort of high command in the MTF.

During an experiment with SCP-682, the SCP unleashes a huge energy outburst.

I am sure a couple of people reading would ask "Why did it unleash the energy outburst?" Did SCP-682 attack the hammerhead SCP? Did they both have some sort of altercation? Did the hammerhead SCP feel threatened in a sort of way?

+ show block

I feel that the hook or the attention grabber doesn't only have to be the fact that it's a hammerhead lizard, I feel like there should be a key factor, or multiple key factors, to make it interesting and make viewers sit on the edge of their seats.

As a result, a major containment breach occurs and the SCP is able to escape during the chaos.

Now I wish to know how the SCP was able to escape "during the chaos" of the containment breach. Did you mean that the power outage released all of the SCPs in the facility? And how did the entire facility get destroyed? Was it the SCPs or was it the Nuclear Warheads?

the 05 Council orders the capture and termination of the creature.

Now, this is another flaw. Why should there be an article posted about it if it should be immediately terminated on-sight when MTF see it out in the open? I mean, if it were to be terminated, I feel like it should be terminated for another reason rather than it just being out in the open.

If the SCP is a large creature (as large as SCP-682), then yes, there would be a reason to attempt to terminate the SCP. But if it is small like a human or smaller than a pet dog or cat, then there should be no valid reason to attempt to terminate it, there should be a reason to contain it.

Take a couple of examples from other popular SCP tales. SCPs like SCP-173, SCP-096, and more have breached containment and they were not terminated due to the fact they were either still undergoing research and understanding, or they are indestructible and cannot be killed or destroyed.

So is your SCP indestructible? Can it not die?

Overall, in my opinion, this is a really good idea that has a lot of potential for an article. If it were to be posted giving more understanding behind the SCP and its lore, then I would definitely give it an up-vote rating.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 01 Aug 2020 04:07 by Zyn Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 01 Aug 2020 00:34

Hi wackytiger73883,

Thanks for taking your time to review my concept!

I am sure a couple of people reading would ask "Why did it unleash the energy outburst?" Did SCP-682 attack the hammerhead SCP? Did they both have some sort of altercation? Did the hammerhead SCP feel threatened in a sort of way?

Okay, so the SCP foundation was able to figure out that the hammerhead has the ability to produce powerful electrical shocks. Thus, in to test if it was able to destroy SCP-682, an experiment was performed. When SCP-682 attacked the hammerhead, it responded by releasing the energy outburst (due to its ability to store energy) and then a huge electric shockwave.

Now I wish to know how the SCP was able to escape "during the chaos" of the containment breach. Did you mean that the power outage released all of the SCPs in the facility? And how did the entire facility get destroyed? Was it the SCPs or was it the Nuclear Warheads?

The outburst itself was able to destroy a few windows, walls, and doors in a close proximity. This allows a few SCPs to breach containment. All personnel directly near the room (a certain area will be revealed in the draft) are killed and SCP-682 is almost entirely destroyed except its head. The electric blast then shuts down all electronic services/devices in the facility. During this whole process, security teams attempt to recapture the SCPs and they engage in battle. Due the damage caused by the SCPs on the walls/doors, more SCPs are able to escape. However, as there is no power and thus no reliable lighting, both sides randomly attack and this results in the destruction of the facility. (This event will be better elaborated later as I am still planning it out). I have also listened to your advice and changed O5 to MTF.

As to how the hammerhead lizard is able to escape, it kills the guards that attempt to capture it and as the walls around it are destroyed, it runs away from the facility. This is due to its desire to be left alone, thus it doesn't wish to engage in more combat than it needs to. This is just an idea and I am happy to change it to whatever you may suggest. Nothing is finalized yet since I have not written my draft (even that wouldn't be finalized).

Last edited on 01 Aug 2020 02:19 by theoneandonly245 Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

chiifu 30 Jul 2020 19:10

Let's get to it!

---

The concept is interesting, rather powerful, but the idea you have in mind outweighs that factor in my opinion. As for the narrative, I'm afraid it's a bit lacking. What you have currently reads more like the beginning of an article rather than the entire story itself. What do you plan to do once the anomaly is contained? What's the building/conflict? What's the ending? These questions are running through my head while reading this narrative, it feels a bit incomplete at the moment. What you have currently is something that starts, but doesn't end. I'd capitalize on what exactly you're going to do with this narrative of yours; how does the anomaly play a part? What's the climax? How does it end? Think about questions like these, and your narrative will be much more fleshed out than what it is currently.

Last edited on 30 Jul 2020 20:08 by chiifu Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 30 Jul 2020 21:12

Hi chiifu,
Thanks so much for taking the time to write a review!

The concept is interesting, rather powerful, but the idea you have in mind outweighs that factor in my opinion. As for the narrative, I'm afraid it's a bit lacking. What you have currently reads more like the beginning of an article rather than the entire story itself.

I am aware that the narrative seems quite unfinished given the 400 character limit, thus I am more than happy to explain what I had in mind.

My original concept was for the lizard to be spotted walking near a few hotels in Bali and consequently causing a power outage. Then, as I mentioned, security guards try to get rid of it until one of them is killed. As the lizard does not want to harm another person, it flees from the scene. Around this time, SCP agents arrive and find the lizard. While the agents prepare for a violent encounter, the lizard surrenders itself and willingly gets captured. This is due to the lizard's desire to not harm anymore people than what is necessary/unintended.

I'd capitalize on what exactly you're going to do with this narrative of yours; how does the anomaly play a part? What's the climax? How does it end?

The anomaly is that the lizard has the ability to control, disrupt, and alter any electric device either intentionally or accidentally. Due to the lizard's passive nature, most of the damage it causes are unintentional but can be major. Upon containment, the lizard is subjected to various experiments to test the full extent of its powers (with other SCPs).

Anyways, that is what I currently have in mind, it would make a lot more sense in my draft, but this is what I have right now.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

chiifu 31 Jul 2020 00:40

Right, but how exactly does this help your narrative as a whole rather than just a detail? Currently, what you're describing to me is just the beginning of a story, where A. happens which leads to B. I want to see a series of events, not just one event. What does this containment lead to? How does the anomaly react, and what comes of it?

The anomaly is that the lizard has the ability to control, disrupt, and alter any electric device either intentionally or accidentally.

Here's a good example of what I mean when you're telling a 'detail'. This is just letting the reader know, "Hey, this is something that can do this!" As a reviewer, I want to see something more like "Hey, this is something that can do this! But, it also leads to this and this!" I want to see a building, climax, and an end piece to your story, not just a singular event.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 01:00

Ah okay, that makes more sense on what you were asking for.

I'm not sure if this is the right place for a "draft" but I will do my best to explain as much as possible. Okay, so after it is put into the hands of the SCP Foundation, it is put in a containment room with no electrical devices (since it is able to control it). This isn't due to it being aggressive, but rather to not cause any side effects of its presence. Two days after it is captured, it is interviewed by a few researchers. It shows high intelligence and is willing to cooperate. Thus, the SCP foundation decides to perform a few experiments to test the full extent of its powers. This is done with a few skips like SCP-1471, SCP-062, and SCP-1981. The experiments are mostly done to see the full extent to which the lizard is able to alter and control electronic devices.

I will add some more events in the draft like it accidentally triggering a power outage during containment.

I kind of rushed this, so if you have any more questions, feel free to ask

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

chiifu 31 Jul 2020 01:55

It sounds better than before, but to me, I think this could use some more development. Right now, the idea of it just being tested is a bit bland, if not, boring (apologies if it sounds harsh). I'd like to see something unique done with this, something that makes this stand out from the other articles. What becomes of the cooperation between the anomaly and the researchers? What does its high intelligence good for? etc. Right now it feels like a rather flat surface with no development, tension, or anything to really pull the reader in other than its anomaly. Think about what you want to do here, the possibilities you have with this anomaly after its voluntary containment.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 02:59

Thanks again for the quick reply, chiifu!

I actually plan on writing a few tales based on this anomaly which is why I made it intelligent and friendly with humans. By doing so, stories about it interacting with humans (for example, on missions) could have more variety as it doesn't simply go rage-mode and kills everyone.

I plan on listing a few experiments on the main article and incorporating these experiments into my tales. With its ability to control, alter, and disrupt electrical devices, there are a huge variety of events that can take place. For example, a power outage accidentally caused by it could result in a containment breach. Or it could go on a mission to capture a escaped SCP.

It might not make much sense right now, so if you have any more doubts, feel free to ask. Of course, like I mentioned, I'm not only to make it do experiments (even I would be extremely bored of that :) ).

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

chiifu 31 Jul 2020 16:01

Now, that certainly isn't bad, but I'd like to know where exactly you're going to take this. You've mentioned numerous possibilities of events, now I want to see which event you're taking exactly. Just by knowing exactly what series of events you're going to do in order to lead up to a climax and an end will not only give me a clearer view of your concept's completeness, but also how far you've fleshed it out.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 16:47

Thanks for replying chiifu!

As per my discussion with Zyn, I have decided to limit its abilities to only what is natural (the 360 view and its ability to detect electric signals). This means that it would no longer have bulletproof skin or the ability to control/alter electric devices. I have added the ability to produce an electric charge like that of a electric eel simply for defensive capabilities.

I have decided to change its personality from actively wanting to help humans to simply wanting to mind its own business. It will attack if it feels threatened like a wild animal would. This means that it will be more aggressive and dangerous.

As a result, I am complied to change the story. I have decided to work with two stories right now —it causing a huge power outage and thus a full-scale containment breach and the other one being an experiment with SCP-682 (like a fight) to see if the lizard is capable of destroying it.

That's basically what I have for right now…

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

chiifu 31 Jul 2020 17:59

I suggest you stray away from the experiment type of story. It's far too bland and is generally looked down upon to crosslink with other articles for mere experiments. A full-scale containment breach, on the other hand, isn't bad. It's not too unique, but it isn't too bland either. I suggest pondering a bit about other ways you can take this first, otherwise, stick with the containment breach.

With all that said, I'll be signing off for other reviewers to take a look at this as well. If, and when you've managed to refine this concept from other eyes, feel free to PM me for a second look.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

OCuin 30 Jul 2020 21:34

[Placeholder from PM]

The anomaly here is a fairly standard S1 style monster, in my opinion. It has a number of superpowers which might technically differentiate it from the pack, but ultimately also serve to further assimilate it into the "superpowered monster" genre, which is a cliche we've seen more than enough of, and was never really all that interesting in the first place.

The narrative here is similarly problematic; it's heavily reliant on an unnecessary crosslink that feels more like utilising the popularity of 682 than it does the substance of the article itself and another cliche of the containment breach narrative. A containment breach isn't terrible as a singular narrative element if a bit of a cliche, but it's not nearly enough to carry a full narrative on its own; there's no arc involved in it, just a very basic tension and release. Your narrative needs to be far more fleshed out and fully realised; what you have here just isn't interesting enough on its own. There's no narrative or character hook to engage the reader and make them want to keep reading, which is ultimately the biggest problem. I think the story as it is would just be fairly boring to read about.

There's not a whole pile I can say on this that hasn't already been said, so I apologise if I'm repeating feedback you've already heard. I'm gonna second everything said by Zyn on this concept, and also recommend that you don't pursue it without serious narrative revisions that flesh it out significantly and expand upon and elevate the anomaly here.

Last edited on 01 Aug 2020 21:39 by OCuin Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 01 Aug 2020 22:00

Hi OCuin!

Thanks for providing the feedback! I had originally intended to distance it away from the super powerful monster genre by making it friendly. I have decided that I should return to this concept even though some reviewers have expressed doubts over it. I believe I can properly execute it, though that remains to be seen.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

OCuin 03 Aug 2020 21:07

[Placeholder from PM]

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

Comrade Waldo 31 Jul 2020 02:37

Hello, Comrade! I hope you're doing alright!
Let's take a look at your concept, shall we?

You seem to have a well-thought concept. However, there are still some issues with it. I'll approach the critique in two main points: The anomaly and the narrative, and I'll leave an overall statement. Without further ado, let's begin.

The anomaly: The anomaly is too bizarre, to say the least. It's also powerful, in my opinion. Why does it have a hammerhead shark head while having the body of a komodo dragon? I suggest you add an explanation for the physical description of the anomaly. A doubt I have is why does it want to help humanity? And how would it do it? I would also suggest you develop more the characterization of the SCP; so that the reader feels connected to the protagonist.

The narrative: I'm glad you explained the narrative in chiifu's post since it gives more information about your story. My problem is that you plan to write your narrative using cross-testing with other SCPs. I understand why you choose those SCPs, but I'm not sure how does it add to the narrative. chiifu does make a good point about the progression of the narrative; how is it going to escalate? What's the climax of the story? You'll also have to give an ending depending on how the narrative develops.

Overall, this is a weird concept. Weird doesn't make it bad. It only needs a proper execution and an exploration in-depth of the narrative. I hope you manage to fix those issues, and if you're looking for more reviews, I suggest you contact reviewers from the Butterfly Squad Roaster. That's all for me.

Good luck, Comrade!

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 02:51

Thank you so much for your review Comrade Waldo!

I plan to explain its bizarre physical appearance in my draft, in addition to its background story. I am aware that only dealing with experiments would be boring, so by making it friendly with humans, more stories can happen especially with it interacting alongside humans. I am certain that a simple article is not enough for the complete story, thus I plan on writing a few tales to go along with it. While the cross-testing with other SCPs only seem like mere experiments, I am planning on incorporating these experiments into my tales.

I hope this makes more sense!

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

Comrade Waldo 31 Jul 2020 03:32

Greetings!

I appreciate your ambition, but nowadays the probability of someone reading your tale after finishing your article is low. That's why the Wiki started to add narratives to the articles at the start of Series II. And even if someone checks the tale you plan to write, we don't know if it's going to survive. My biggest recommendation is that all the ideas you have to include them in your draft. That's all for me.

Good luck!

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 03:40

Ah, okay! Thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind and try to fit as much as I can into my draft.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

Zyn 31 Jul 2020 04:46

Got a PM about this, where it was noted that any criticism would be appreciated. I took a quick look at this—please note that I am one of the pickiest reviewers on the site, and I very rarely give greenlights.

I'll be honest, I don't see this working as an SCP article. The elevator pitch sounds like something out of a videogame ("immune to all electric weapons"? Why would the Foundation test for that?) and the core anomaly feels like a slapdash combination of unrelated abilities. Why a hammerhead shark, as opposed to other sharks that would be a better match for a Komodo dragon behavior-wise (forming schools compared to being pretty much always solitary by nature)? Why a Komodo dragon? Why does it also get bulletproof skin? Rule of cool? No reason?

The bits about the weird animal hybrid is said to "turn itself in to the Foundation" and the insistence that it "wants to help humanity" just seem cheesy and forced. How would the Foundation know that the entity knew of the Foundation and was able to find a Foundation site, as opposed to stumbling upon one by coincidence? If this thing wanted to help humanity, why was it randomly near a hotel and why did it kill a guard instead of just immediately leaving when it was being shot at?

Keep in mind that as the author, you know the entire story, but the Foundation needs to have discovered what it knows about the SCP object through observation and experimentation. You'll need to convince your reader that someone with no prior knowledge whatsoever of the anomaly managed to somehow figure out (not magically know!) all the information you've got in the article.

Personally, I don't really see this being workable on the mainsite and would advise writing something else that's a more solid, less plot-hole-heavy idea before tackling fixing this. If you really want to try to make this work, you'll need to do the following first:

• adjust the abilities to be more reasonable in-universe, and better matching the story you want to tell
• if possible, have some sort of hint as to why it exists the way it does. I tend to be a very skeptical reader, and when I see that a core anomaly is basically just "mishmash animal with mishmash abilities", my reaction tends to be "that feels random and sloppily written" and not "wow that's so cool!"
• make it clear why the Foundation would assume this thing is intelligent and well-intentioned
• give the entity a believable reason for caring about humanity, if you really want to attempt the "conveniently helpful" route. It's a shark/lizard hybrid, which by all account should be terribly adapted for living in human settlements.Why does it behave the way it does?

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 05:43

Hi Zyn,
Thank you for taking your time to review my idea!

The elevator pitch sounds like something out of a videogame ("immune to all electric weapons"? Why would the Foundation test for that?) and the core anomaly feels like a slapdash combination of unrelated abilities. Why a hammerhead shark, as opposed to other sharks that would be a better match for a Komodo dragon behavior-wise (forming schools compared to being pretty much always solitary by nature)? Why a Komodo dragon? Why does it also get bulletproof skin? Rule of cool? No reason?

All of these points are valid since I have not provided the full description nor backstory. The immunity to all electric weapons is not something that I plan on having the Foundation test. This would be discovered during the initial encounter. As for why it has bullet point skin, it is simply due to its biology —I made an error by simply describing it as a Komodo dragon with a hammerhead shark head, in reality it is not a simple combination of the two creatures. The body of the "Komodo Dragon" simply allows for it to move on land whereas the head of the "hammerhead shark" contains the electric-sensory organs similar to those in actual hammerhead sharks, but enhanced. Had I simply gave it the head of a great white or tiger shark, there would be no explanation for why it would have electrical capabilities. This could be better explained in a detailed full description.

Your reaction regarding why it would help humanity and how it would have turned itself in is also reasonable as I have failed to address both issues. This would make more sense in the "discovery" section of the article, but basically it surrenders to the Foundation during their initial encounter (the Foundation was sent to capture it). As it to why it would help humanity, I was thinking of giving it a backstory where it was the servant of a entity (most like a god or wizard) and was given orders to protect humanity if and when that aforementioned entity died (or something else, not decided yet). This does not make sense rn, but it should be clearer in a full description.

As to why it killed the security guard, this is due to its natural defense mechanism. Like I said, all of these things could be better explained in a full description, which I am unable to provide here.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

Zyn 31 Jul 2020 06:11

in reality it is not a simple combination of the two creatures.

This still doesn't explain why it has the weird combination of seemingly random traits. Just because the mishmash is intentionally complicated doesn't mean it will automatically be interesting to read about.

+ show block

Had I simply gave it the head of a great white or tiger shark, there would be no explanation for why it would have electrical capabilities.

Are hammerheads the only sharks that have electrical sense? They definitely have better range of vision and sensitivity, sure, but I don't recall other sharks not having the same capabilities. Also, I don't know if the average person would equate "electric field sensors" with "able to reroute electricity Spiderman-villain-style".

This could be better explained in a detailed full description.

I'm inclined to disagree here—the issue here is more that you have too much information that doesn't mesh well together. Adding additional details and complications isn't going to make me as a reader more intent on reading a full draft.

This would make more sense in the "discovery" section of the article

This does not make sense rn, but it should be clearer in a full description.

all of these things could be better explained in a full description, which I am unable to provide here.

Again, I'm not interested in reading a full article at this point if the basic conceptual overview is so roundabout and reliant on the assumption that the reader would understand better if they read hundreds of more words of text.

If your only answer to the questions asked at the conceptual stage is "read the full draft", I don't think I can help you further here. Draft critique without needing greenlights can be sought in the IRC chatrooms.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 06:48

Hi Zyn, thanks for taking the time to reply!

After doing further research on sharks, I have realized that I was in the wrong for thinking that hammerhead sharks are more capable of picking up electric signals than other species of sharks. I knew there was something unique about the hammerhead shark's head, but it was not what I thought it was. Instead, it was the fact that hammerhead sharks have the ability to view what is under and above it.

While the ability to shoot electric is sort of random, it still natural. Instead of the bulletproof skin and immunity to electric weapons, I have decided to give it the main organ, Hunter's organ, and Sach's organ. These are the electric organs of an electric eel and will be located in the "komodo dragon" body. Note that the body only resembles that of a Komodo dragon simply to allow it to move on land, not that I will simply copy paste the head onto one.

I had originally intended for this to be a series of tales or a canon, but I was advised against doing so. Thus, I am willing to do any changes which you or any other reviewer believes could improve the idea.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

Zyn 31 Jul 2020 07:06

While the ability to shoot electric is sort of random, it still natural. Instead of the bulletproof skin and immunity to electric weapons, I have decided to give it the main organ

Again, this still doesn't really seem that relevant to the story being told, of this entity being the workmanship of some dead human-loving being. Unless the creator was kind of scatterbrained and really liked sea life and reptiles for some reason, I as a reader don't see why the entity needs to be this specific combination of random animals as opposed to literally any other guardian sort of creature that could protect humans. The electricity ability seems to do more harm than protection for humans anyway.

Thus, I am willing to do any changes which you or any other reviewer believes could improve the idea.

You need to decide on the main story points before getting too distracted by minutiae. At this point in the conceptualization stage, it doesn't really matter exactly what abilities this entity has or where exactly the random named augmentations are.

Based on your current focus, I'm not entirely sure that an SCP article would be the best fit for this kind of material. Maybe consider the Wilson's Wildlife Solutions GoI format, which is specifically made to spotlight unusual animals and how they interact with human caretakers/companions. Here are some examples of high-rated WWS entries:

• http://www.scp-wiki.net/critter-profile-wobbles
• http://www.scp-wiki.net/critter-profile-caddy
• http://www.scp-wiki.net/ringo
• http://www.scp-wiki.net/critter-profile-maya

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 31 Jul 2020 16:38

Thanks for the suggestions again Zyn!

After spending a night, I have realized that you are right that this anomaly is over-complicated. Hence, I've decided to remove a few of its abilities and limiting it to only 360 degree view (this comes with the head), ability to detect electric signals (thanks to its Ampullae of Lorenzini present in its head), and its electric eel like abilities (simply for defense purposes). I am planning on moving its other abilities to a different SCP if this one somehow works out.

I have also decided to simply its personality from actively wishing to help humans to just wanting to mind its own business. This makes it more aggressive but not to the point where it goes around killing people. This also removes the confusing backstory.

I hope this is a step in the right path, though probably a minor one

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

chiifu 31 Jul 2020 20:15

Placeholdered second look from PM.

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

Naveil 01 Aug 2020 20:32

[Placeholder from IRC]

The main issue here is the vague narrative that needs elaboration.

After one of the agents, who happened to have come from the same village, is killed in action, the lizard becomes depressed.

You don't give any bout of info on how you want to express this narrative. When it comes to an SCP article, your options are limited, so how you plan to display a narrative comes to be just as, or arguably more, important than the actual narrative itself.

And even then, what comes out of the lizard being depressed? What kind of emotional energy do you want to resonate? How does this tie into the bigger picture?

As far as I am aware, there are no SCPS currently about hammerhead sharks. Plus, the appearance and description of the creature is unique.

Even if there were SCPs based on hammerhead sharks, it shouldn't come as a concern to you. As we discussed previously, SCPs are essentially short stories focused entirely on the narrative experience. If there were two novels based on hammerhead sharks, it wouldn't be an issue as long as said novels were properly distinguishing themselves as their own stories.

My main piece of advice here would be to go all in with the narrative. Semantics, like how the SCP looks or how its organs are constructed only matter if you plan to do anything with them. The main thing to ask yourself when creating a narrative is: "would I be willing to sit down and read this myself?"

Last edited on 02 Aug 2020 13:31 by Naveil Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

theoneandonly245 02 Aug 2020 17:38

Hi Naveil,
Thank you so much for taking your time to critique my concept! I see that you have some questions and I'll do my best to answer them.

You don't give any bout of info on how you want to express this narrative. When it comes to an SCP article, your options are limited, so how you plan to display a narrative comes to be just as, or arguably more, important than the actual narrative itself.

I wasn't aware that I had to mention how I would express the narrative so I apologize. The narrative will be told in the Discovery Log and Addenda through interviews, journal entries, and footage (specifically, notes taken on the footage. The narrative will mostly focus on the lizard's involvement in Mobile Task Force missions. I am planning on creating new characters who will interact with the lizard and the narrative will be told in their perspective.

+ show block

And even then, what comes out of the lizard being depressed? What kind of emotional energy do you want to resonate? How does this tie into the bigger picture?

Good question! After the lizard becomes depressed, it will instinctively enter a agitated state similar to the musth of male elephants (though this is not due to sexual hormones) and will begin to randomly hunt down other SCPs by itself (having done so while working with the Mobile Task Force teams). For the safety of it and the other SCPs, the Foundation sends a team to attempt to calm it down. After the team fails, they resort to using SCP-999, but even this fails. In the end, however, the lizard is able to "snap" of the agitated state after it almost kills Foundation personnel (it had vowed to not harm any human since it was rescued by humanity). I think this would be interesting because it shows a different side to the lizard who is often very friendly. This will be told through Agent Thomas (who will be the agent most closely bonded with the lizard, kind of like its owner) via entries in his journal.

Even if there were SCPs based on hammerhead sharks, it shouldn't come as a concern to you. As we discussed previously, SCPs are essentially short stories focused entirely on the narrative experience. If there were two novels based on hammerhead sharks, it wouldn't be an issue as long as said novels were properly distinguishing themselves as their own stories.

True, I just put it there in the first revision and never bothered to take it off. I will revise the hook if you believe it is necessary to do so. I have revised the hook after you pointed this out.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 03 Aug 2020 04:13 by Zyn Show more

Re: Hammerhead Lizard

RockTeethMothEyes 07 Aug 2020 04:25

Thread locked per OP request.