Seeking Greenlight: "NAME PENDING" SOTAS

Seeking Greenlight: "The Love Bug" SOTAS

Sotas 28 Jul 2020 11:55

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Horror, Emotional

Page Layout: Standard SCP Article. I plan to incorporate Contact logs, Audio logs, Interviews and Experiment logs.

Elevator Pitch: A large hexapod invertebrate, resembling a mixture of a grasshopper, a Cicadidae, and something unknown to the reader. This SCP produces a pheromone which when inhaled, urges the victim to seek out SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX will then “embrace” the victim as it inserts “tentacles” into the body of the victim. In effect gaining control of all motor functions. SCP-XXXX will then proceed to remove part of the victims skull in order to reach the brain. When feeding, SCP-XXXX will be able to control the victim and access the victim’s memories. The entity will then be able to use the gained information to further its own agenda.

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Central Narrative:

I want to explore the concept of overcoming one’s fear of their phobia as well as the journey one goes through when placed in a situation where you are forced to confront your fear rather than run. I am going to use personal logs, audio logs, interviews, and such to flesh out the journey of Dr. Harper and his involvement with SCP-XXXX, as well as his journey from fear to being calm. Basically I want to lead up to a breach of containment which requries Dr. Harper to face his fears. I want people to relate and sympathize with the people behind the reports and their struggles with working for a cold organisation.

• Dr. Harper is assigned to SCP-XXXX despite numerous protests from Dr. Harper himself. Dr. Harper has stated in initial interviews [Quote: I am not working with no god damn bug, let alone that piece of nightmare fuel. Come on man, there’s got to be anybody else more suited for the job?! Everybody knows I am terrified of bugs and yet you pick me. Fucking Jesus Christ.] The foundation has deemed Dr. Harpers protests non-critical due to the lack of available personnel at site-████.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: When I was a child, I always had strong nightmares of being trapped and eaten alive by a huge insect. This SCP-XXXX is my interpretation of that nightmare in an SCP setting. I want to explore themes such as dread, pain, and hopelessness. I want the reader to thank their lucky stars that they never will experience the feeling of being trapped, in pain, and controlled.
The pheromone and memory access are in part there as a carrot for the SCP Foundation, and to add a supernatural feel to the otherwise normal 1.6-meter long insect.

Additional Notes: This is my first SCP, and therefore I properly need a little extra help in regards to factual information in regards to the SCP Foundation.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 31 Jul 2020 17:22 by Sotas Show more

Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Zyn 31 Jul 2020 05:28

ETA: addressed, thank you.

Last edited on 01 Aug 2020 06:05 by Zyn Show more

Re: Forum Criticism Team - Captain Post

Sotas 31 Jul 2020 17:21

Updated accordingly. Thank you.

Re: Seeking Greenlight: "NAME PENDING" SOTAS

Naveil 29 Jul 2020 21:25

[Placeholder - asked to crit via IRC]

Alright, so your proposed story, overall, has potential for an emotional narrative and the SCP itself has potential for excellent body horror.

However, you don't explain how you plan to intertwine the two and make them compliment each other. As of current, they feel like two completely separate ideas weaved into one, not particularly gracefully.

The cicada - honestly, it's good. Play your cards right and it can make for some excellent body horror. Remember that semantics only matter if you plan to do anything with them, so try and get your point across well.

The researcher - not great. His motivations are far too linear (like, just being afraid of bugs? come on) for me to sympathize and root for him. When you're dealing with a giant bug that eats you, there are about a thousand more creative ways to give a character an interesting motivation (or, in this case, disincentive).

Contact logs, Audio logs, Interviews and Experiment logs.

I don't know. Something like this done right relies on execution, but the concern I'm getting here is that the article is becoming too bloated. You have to ask youself: will people actually enjoy reading this much? Can I make it engaging and endearing the whole way through? Would my narrative benefit from streamlining and trimming? The answers are usually no, no, yes.

Last edited on 01 Aug 2020 21:07 by Naveil Show more

Re: Seeking Greenlight: "NAME PENDING" SOTAS

Meska 29 Jul 2020 21:48

Okay Sotas, here goes:

I think drawing on your own childhood fears is a really great way to get inspiration for your idea, so that's a good start. My main issue with what you have so far is that you've focused quite a lot on describing your anomalous invertebrate and haven't really explained what you're planning to do with it in terms of telling a story. Most successful Series 6 SCPs have some kind of narrative rather than just showcasing a monster or item.

If you're struggling, this essay might be helpful:

An Exercise In Narrative Based SCPs

Best of luck with the idea!

Re: Seeking Greenlight: "NAME PENDING" SOTAS

Sotas 29 Jul 2020 22:24

Thank you for the feedback. The post has been changed accordingly. I hope that I understood your feedback correctly.

Last edited on 30 Jul 2020 10:09 by Sotas Show more

Re: Seeking Greenlight: "NAME PENDING" SOTAS

Sotas 30 Jul 2020 11:31

The post has been updated with the 3rd iteration of the central narrative.