Orientation-EX

Summary:

Orientation tale for a new department for Explained SCPs

Orientation-EX

Ethagon 08 Jul 2020 20:41

Draft link: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/ethagon in the "Orientation-EX" tab

The speaking character already appeared in In Response To Nuclear Warheads, but that isn't needed for this article.

• Does the dialogue flow well?
• Is everything elaborated enough?
• Does Weld's character of an hard-boiled optimist come through?

Thank you for reading!

Last edited on 24 Jul 2020 20:14 by Ethagon Show more

Re: Orientation-EX

fairydoctor 17 Jul 2020 04:56

(flutters in from IRC)

I have a crit for you!

I'm happy to announce that you exist again. ← okay! This starts off with a bang!

The pacing is very well done. The interjections from the class came across clear. Weld’s character reminds me of the Doctor in an episode of Doctor Who, where he was teaching a human class on human physics. The Doctor’s characterization in that scene reminded me of Weld’s character; straight-forward, sarcastic, and concise. Him mentioning finances exemplifies his optimistic, and dark humor.

As a reader, I would like to know though, what happened that they all "exist again"? This is the only elaboration that I'm craving to know.

Other than that, you've executed all the bullet points you have listed very well!

Re: Orientation-EX

Ethagon 17 Jul 2020 14:15

Thanks for taking a look!

The line is just supposed to be a slide at the fact that normal foundation workers need to keep all of their activity secrets, while these can live more of a public life. I'll see if I have to make that more clear

Last edited on 24 Jul 2020 17:12 by Ethagon Show more

Re: Orientation-EX

Comrade Waldo 22 Jul 2020 00:10

Hello Ethagon! I hope you're doing alright!
I want to apologize if my critique isn't so developed, since I don't usually critique drafts.

Here's OUR critique, fellow Comrade

I do agree with fairydoctor that you should give more detail in the phrase, I feel that it sticks with the sarcasm of Weld. Maybe maintain that sarcasm while giving more context about it. The narrative itself is interesting since I'm a fan of orientations, and I would like the see one of how the Foundation interacts with Explained SCPs. The character of Director Weld makes the narrative outstanding, and I feel the orientation without him it wouldn't be the same.

I do have one problem, though. It's the inclusion of Miss Johnson, the Director of the Ethics Committee in Site-EX. I do understand that she explains why the staff needs to have a secret public life, but Weld could've done that as well. Heck, I think it would be better if Weld did it. I'd like to see his sarcasm on that topic.

Overall, this an Orientation that I enjoyed, despite being a draft. If you published it, I'd upvote the moment I read it. That's all for me. If another reviewer gives you a critique, listen carefully, since they're here to help.

Good luck, Comrade!

Re: Orientation-EX

Ethagon 24 Jul 2020 19:33

Thanks for taking a look!