SCP-5154 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5154.

Didn't mean to take up all your sweet time, baby

TheMightyMcB 21 Jun 2020 19:48

I said I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time
I'll give it right back one of these days
Oh yeah
If I don't meet you no more in this world then uh
I'll meet ya on the next one
And don't be late
Don't be late
'Cause I'm a voodoo child, voodoo child
Lord knows I'm a voodoo child

Voodoo Child (Slight Return) ~ The Jimi Hendrix Experience

I swear, it's like contests are the only thing that motivates me to write anymore these days! This is what I cooked up for the 2020 Exquisite Corpse Contest. Enjoy!

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Click Here for more stuff by me!

Last edited on 21 Jun 2020 21:11 by TheMightyMcB Show more

Junior Staff Post - Open

Cerastes 23 Jun 2020 02:51

Noting that the image is from here, and is CC BY-SA 3.0.

Kalfu more like Kalfun

DrAkimoto 22 Jun 2020 01:11

This is a fantastically punchy article and I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. Even if the author's a nerd who doesn't credit them critters. I'm blind apparently

Last edited on 22 Jun 2020 01:13 by DrAkimoto Show more

+1

Harpsichord23 23 Jun 2020 10:52

Short, sweet, and to the point. In particular I think the incident log had some great colorful dialogue (no pun intended, I swear!)

There was one thing I thought was weird, Papa Legba's letter says:

now he's got a new soul to play with since you Foundation folk can't keep your noses outta places you shouldn't be sniffin'.

But "local officials" from La Rue Macabre are the ones who called in the Foundation in the first place. Seems like they were sniffin' exactly where they were told to. I can't tell if the denizens of La Rue Macabre have another angle they're playing or if the incongruity was unintentional.

Re: +1

TheMightyMcB 23 Jun 2020 19:17

La Rue is Legba's domain, the officials screwed up by calling SCPF and the SCPF violated their agreement with La Rue by snatching a fairly simple anomaly they thought they could handle. This was a valuable lesson in not messing with La Rue business. After the contest, I might add a line of Legba chastising the officials as well. Article has been modified slightly to better reflect the relationship between the SCPF and La Rue Macabre

Last edited on 06 Jul 2020 01:16 by TheMightyMcB Show more

gee0765 23 Jun 2020 19:34

Overall, this is solid. I wasn't a fan of the different coloured names, since it felt gimmicky and I can't imagine the foundation doing it but I understand your conprocs sorta made you have to.

keiya 29 Dec 2020 02:18

I like it over all. You have a moderate writing issue in the conprocs ("from both" then just one person) and I really think you should use some other marking for which one is talking. K, P, R, and U for black, pink, red, and blue perhaps? That last one might be too impenitrable to people who've never played Magic: The Gathering though…

TheMightyMcB 23 Feb 2021 06:54

Good catch. The conprocs I was given required O5 Council approval and I really didn't think that was warranted so I removed it once the contest was done. The "both" was a holdover from that. The colored names were a creative solution from my conprocs as well and I can't be fucked to rework it at this point ngl.

+1

gaeriefire 15 May 2021 05:05

nice and to the point. also, love me some hendrix :)