SCP-2614 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2614.

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Scorpion451 25 Aug 2015 03:01

very, very close to an upvote here (and this is coming in with my first thought being "oh, yet another anomalous DVD"), but its missing that last little hook to really push me over the top. I think there's some missed opportunity for storytelling in the "the other story happening at the same time on another continent in the Snow White universe" type things.

post-update update: +1. Digging that last set of logs especially. That's some nice hair-on-the-back-of-the-neck-standing-up creepyness there.

Last edited on 25 Aug 2015 21:23 by Scorpion451 Show more

NovaeDeArx 25 Aug 2015 14:21

My thoughts exactly. If the vignette-style notes were reordered and partially rewritten and/or expanded into a proper research log (first testing the scope of the world, then moving into "parallel" fictional worlds, then pushing the boundaries and screwing up as per usual Foundation protocol), we'd have a great execution of a killer idea.

People clearly like this concept, and it's got a ton of potential. The trick would be exploring this potential further.

Some ideas:

• Having a still-running show that could have been accessed in-world (Simpsons? I forget the time-frame the Sopranos covered) change its canon slightly, and see if the world shifts accordingly, or is "locked" to the existing canon from when the DVD was made,
• Exploring more unusual media, such as commercials/infomercials, art gallery video exhibits, etc.
• Can the camera enter computer screens as well? That could get weird fast…
• Does it work on paintings? Digital art?
• How about if it flies into a screen of static, bearing in mind that "static" is partially terrestrial RF interference, and partially cosmic background radiation? Would anything unexpected happen?
• Kids' show universes can be explored here - how might that be subverted?
• Mirrors?

And I'm sure there's lots of other ways this can be played with. The trick is going to be finding a way that this can be twisted to make the reader uncomfortable, I suppose, since that's the "meat" that's missing from the article.

TyGently 25 Aug 2015 05:51

Interesting, but the endings do nothing for me. The note at the end seems useless, and the final part of the first collapsible seems anticlimactic. There seems to be so much you could do with this idea, but in the end not all that much is done with it.

EDIT: After seeing your edits, I think I can safely upvote. Glad to see you really ran with the feedback. +1

Last edited on 25 Aug 2015 19:16 by TyGently Show more

Sergeimosin 25 Aug 2015 06:40

I really want to like this. But there are several breaks from clinical tone (hangout being one of them) that just wrench me out of the immersion. I'd say a thorough tightening up of the language would push me over the edge into an upvote.

coachskau 25 Aug 2015 11:52

I like the concept you've got here, but the language isn't quite right yet. And echoing TyGently, the end note is pretty meh. You tipped your hand, but seemingly only as an afterthought, and a bit too obvious.

There are some good chunks, and I'd love to see this SCP punched up.

bbaztek 25 Aug 2015 16:13

New logs are up lmk what you think

NovaeDeArx 25 Aug 2015 18:00

Wow, you really ran with the criticism! I'm impressed on the turnaround time, to say the least.

Let's see… On the positive side, I feel as if the logs tell a much more cohesive story, and that story has much more of a "creepy" vibe to it than previous. Huge improvement all around, honestly. I like the idea of the Commercial Apocalypse a lot, too - I didn't expect that and it's the first taste of "creepy" in the article.

As for things that don't work as well as they could or areas for possible improvement:

• The log progression might work better if "Alternate Property Logs" went before "Alternate Media Log". Then it's Sopranos Universe -> Sopranos & Other Stuff -> Other Stuff before we get into the recursive testing.
• A bunch of people get twitchy when [DATA EXPUNGED] gets tacked on the end of stuff. It's generally agreed to work best as a "Monster in the shadows", where you can kinda make out what it is but it's creepier because you can't quite see the shape of it. It's actually more work to use it correctly than not, simply because you have to set up an expectation or creeping suspicion in the reader's mind and then use the redaction to loosely cover it up with a tablecloth, letting them decide whether they want to uncover it or not (by thinking about it too long or looking for the hints you scattered around). If you just use it as "Oh there's something scary behind that black box, be scared!", it's ineffective and probably counterproductive. You've got about three stuck on the ends of logs that don't work very well; either reduce it to just the last one or try to give the reader more information to creep them out.
• The recursive inception-style tests were a neat idea, but it needs a little more spit and polish. Through the third recursion, it all works and there's a nice progression of weird -> weirder -> uh oh, but then the next-to-last is a little disappointing (I'd strike it entirely and try moving the "static" test into here, saying that all media was now tuned to static in the Snakebite world, maybe all reflective surfaces as well?). I'm not sure about the final one, but don't just end it on an expungement, or justify it if you do. Perhaps have the camera come out of the hallway into the restaurant at the finale of the Sopranos right before everything usually goes black, but instead the researchers see [DATA EXPUNGED FOR COGNITOHAZARD]. Cleanup in Aisle 3, the new researchers are barred from doing this, and the old researchers are implied to not be around anymore.
• There's an odd spelling error or two and some slightly awkward phrasing here and there. Those can be cleaned up when you have "fresh eyes" in a day or so and can decide what gets the message across and what could be clearer.

Last edited on 25 Aug 2015 18:02 by NovaeDeArx Show more

bbaztek 25 Aug 2015 19:11

ayyy, i love all the tvs tuned to static.

NovaeDeArx 25 Aug 2015 20:15

Ayy, I like what you did with it.

WrongJohnSilver 25 Aug 2015 19:19

Now it's reminiscent of "Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius" and that's terrific.

I still think some of the language needs to be tightened to make it clear that the POV can enter screens shown on screen and continue from there to enter other screens and so on, but this is now really getting into the meat of the possibilities.

katiekawaii 25 Aug 2015 19:51

Yeah, because I got really confused at first and thought that I had misunderstood what the SCP actually was. I thought, "Wait, is the anomaly not a Sopranos DVD? Is it a thing that lets you go into digital/video worlds, like the remote or something? Did the DVD turn the remote into an anomaly?" It took me a minute to figure it out. Working on the phrasing leading up to it with an eye toward clarity can fix that right up.

sirpudding 25 Aug 2015 19:35

Clearly connected to your SCP-1733 in some way. Obviously the red light means something. Red shift?

I wonder what would happen if you moved the viewpoint to wherever 1733 is and entered it during testing…

Any reason why the picture is of a ordinary disc? I am not seeing anything that prevents photography of this object.

Last edited on 25 Aug 2015 19:38 by sirpudding Show more

Decibelles 25 Aug 2015 20:46

I think one of my only complaints (aside from all the redactions of the Diegetic Dates; why are those redacted?) is that I'd probably prefer a picture of the Sopranos disc labeled "BOOKSHELF", rather than just a generic picture of the Sopranos DVD. It's a little distracting.

Zmax15 25 Aug 2015 22:08

Same here. I also find it somewhat odd that the image doesn't have a hole, given it isn't described as the DVD artwork. That aside, I really like the concept(s) and the execution is very entertaining. Many pluses to you.

TL333s 25 Aug 2015 22:07

Though the final logs are nice and creepy, I feel like this is a less-interesting retread of what 1733 accomplished. Also, I wish you'd written "Bookshelf" on the image.

bbaztek 25 Aug 2015 22:17

eh I've always had a fascination with the boundaries or unseen places of fictional worlds. i guess it's about exploring strange and fascinating shit that all ties back into a familiar frame of reference, like the idea of a whole world of folksy animated fairy tales you see in the snow white one.

TL333s 25 Aug 2015 22:22

I guess the difference is, with 1733, the point is "these people are trapped in a hell from which they'll never escape", while this one is basically "infinite creepypastas". I mean, that hallway image gives me the willies, no lie, but there's just not much point to this in comparison.

bbaztek 25 Aug 2015 22:43

i made it a point to avoid this from becoming a list of lost episode creepypastas but if u aint feeling it you aint feeling it. glad it survived the gauntlet since i really love the idea

Hihahaba 25 Aug 2015 23:22

This article was okay up until logs. The logs were really fun to read, the way that you used what seemed to be a minor effect into fantastic exploration logs was amazing. So good work.

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