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SCP-2409 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2409.
It is different from how most articles are written Ill give it that. I understand what you did here, the building cannot be accessed at this time, so the Foundation does not really know what is going on inside and therefore the desciption is short outside the Incident Log. While the story in the Incident log felt rather simple (and I probably do not understand all of what was going on), I really enjoyed the way it was presented, and thought it was done rather well. +1 from me at least
I like it, especially because we don't actually know what the mysterious replicating gypsy anomalies are. It's spooky and the historical aspect definitely plays well here.
Uhh, hmm, I dunno. I kind of dislike that the anomaly is just "we can't get in the building", and there's nothing else there. All that there is to this skip is "alien gypsies ate everyone blackbox years ago". It's almost an extranormal event, if not for the fact that you anomalously can't enter the building still.
That said, I really like the way this was told, even if the content isn't quite to my liking. You might want to change "insecure" to "unsecure"; the line isn't feeling bad about itself.
the line isn't feeling bad about itself
Perhaps not; but now I am. I feex, thank you!
This is something I would advise others to consult in the sense of when to employ the format screw. The way this is designed is in service to the narrative. Without the real-time transmissions documenting the story of what happened, what you would have is a fairly boring "monster what kills you" article. But with the way this is formatted, the horror of the initial anomaly is conveyed effectively, and what you end up with is a story. The presentation doesn't feel like it could have just been slapped onto anything. And the initial concept demanded a different style of writing.
Another thing this article is useful in demonstrating is that it isn't so much that the site doesn't have room for scary monsters what kill you anymore. I think it's more that it doesn't have room for stories about scary monsters in a box that don't do anything but be scary and occasionally escape because reasons. This is a more dynamic narrative, and the transmissions give it a nice sense of realism.
The thought of the occupants of the building being trapped together with these things in an inescapable time anomaly is a nice way to close this one out. Very chilling. Overall, nice work.
So apparently this device is predicted to cease functioning in 2023. Another mention of that in the file might be nice, to point up the fact that the Sealed Evil In a Can isn't likely to remain sealed.
I really enjoyed this. The way it's presented is original and very effective imo. They last message from the agent is particularly chilling, given the lack of information. Why had he slipped into shorthand? Is he just exhausted? In shock? Or possibly wounded and struggling to type? Delicious.
I will say that the ending didn't really satisfy me. It feels like there is a great story building, and then someone pulls a magic pause button out of the air and calls it good. It just doesn't feel like the Foundation way of doing things. I know that's vague, though, and no alternate conclusion seems obvious. +1 for DANKE
That last note, man. That last note.
I'm also digging the "COURAGE BRO". Solid reminder that these guys are human.
+1 from me.
Edit: Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.
Hah, I was going to mention that too. The "COURAGE BRO" really jumped out at me.
I felt the same way, they are humans, we must not forget that.
I read this in draft and don't think I commented, as I could respect the originality of the medium used, but wasn't quite feeling it.
What clicked for me was realising that this was less about the anomaly (or the magic-tech that's keeping it contained) and more about the momentum of the escalating drama, and the small character touches.
And then remembering that "Bronagh" is of course a female Irish name made both the "COURAGE BRO" and that final message land much more heavily.
+1 - it's a slightly backhanded compliment to say that this is much better written than it may at first appear, but it's testament to the way that the nuts and bolts of the storytelling aren't too obvious.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
