SCP-4682 - RAGE
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MalyceGraves
SCP-4862 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-4862.
I'm confused, does someone know what's going on with the anomaly here?
(account deleted)I like how the exploration is structured, and the writing overall is decent, but the ending seems just… Anticlimactic? Dunno, I understand that you're not supposed to tell us everything, but the pieces of the story here are so thin I don't really feel like it's possible to connect them into one (I might be wrong though, but that's my impression).
Besides, it was a bit disappointing to see the ending turn into a common Foundation madness with compromised documentation. It's nothing really new and pales in comparison with things like SCP-4012 or that Tanhony skip about a giant hand.
I like the start of it… but it feels like none of the pieces come together. You have a high school, some alpha entity, an infinitely descending stairs, and some images that look like they have something to do with bad things happening to kids. But there's no like… connection from the high school and stock images to the Alpha entity and the fact that apparently none of this happened and it's all fictional.
I'm not saying this needs an explanation, because obviously this isn't trying to give an explanation. But the pieces themselves feel disjoint to the point where I don't feel like I can even guess at an explanation, which results in me just feeling lost at the end. If there's an internal logic, I don't feel like it's there. If there's a hidden backstory, it's too well obfuscated.
The exploration log itself is a little lacking in details that make it feel distinct fro 087 and 3935, but the structuring and what you try to do with it isn't bad. I just wish the pieces had been used better together, because even without an explanation it could be possible for me to feel like there's some bigger picture I'm missing by the end of it.
You have some great material and an awesome idea; however, it all feels really disjointed and like there's too much to it to just be fiction and to avoid spreading disinformation.
Here are my thoughts:
1) you need to make it real or fake, if it's fake it needs a reason to have some doubt to it being fake it it needs less detail so that it leaves more to the imagination.
2) you need to explain what this alpha thing is, I genuinely have no idea at all what it is.
3) the exploration log needs more work, you've got a good start but it needs more "plot" development, there's not really anything linking the details.
The absolute most important:
4) don't give up and don't stop working on it! This is a cool idea that needs a bit more fleshing out and finishing, don't stop!
I enjoyed this, but I am probably going to echo what others have said: tie it up a little more. I guarantee you've got a great article on your hands if there was just a bit more connective tissue to the piece.
+1
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
