SCP-5227 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5227.

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Rounderhouse 23 Apr 2020 20:10

Are you afraid of god? You shouldn't be.

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Another entry into the collection. This piece was made for the -ES wiki's I57 canon, and carries the BHL port of the canon theme. It also fits into my personal collection of series unnamed. Thanks to everyone who put up with this draft — there's so many of you I don't remember all the names, but a special thanks to Almarduk for harassing me into finishing this, DC_Yerko for making the canon this is for and giving me his blessing to write it and the theme, and Kirby and ARD for working through the ending with me until it wasn't garbage.

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+ show block

Apologies in advance.

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antucoheader.png — taken by Almarduk, licensed under CC BY SA 3.0.
fog.png — https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Starr-180312-0687-Bocconia_frutescens-habit_in_mist_fog-Kahikinui-Maui_(41240400921).jpg
cross2.png — https://www.flickr.com/photos/142911002@N05/27286154085
antucojungle.png — https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Talaku_Karen_village_peacefully_located_in_the_jungle.jpg
antucobush,png — https://www.needpix.com/photo/107475/forest-bush
camp.png — http://www.freestockphotos.biz/stockphoto/17628
rounderfog.jpg — https://www.flickr.com/photos/felixdance/29963544392/
antucowater.png — https://pxhere.com/en/photo/721
lab.png — https://vinepair.com/articles/a-collection-of-century-old-photos-of-guinnesss-brewery-allow-you-to-walk-through-history/
vat.png — https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Aleppo_soap_-_vat.jpg

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My Author Page, Unfortunately

Last edited on 24 Apr 2020 09:27 by Rounderhouse Show more

rattles 23 Apr 2020 20:31

Nice to see another RounderSkip™ making it's way out of draft and onto main. Hearty +1.

A Random Day 23 Apr 2020 21:06

I think the dialogue worked for me, and the new ending is suitably frisson-inducing.

Last edited on 24 Apr 2020 00:20 by A Random Day Show more

Christopoulos 23 Apr 2020 21:41

Wow. Incredible exploration logs. Outdone yourself with this one.

Ending feels almost anticlimactic. Not really that big of a deal — being too transparent about the mystery of Project Beta would probably ruin its mystique. Still feels almost like a shaggy dog ending with how quickly it wraps up. Edit: Ending is significantly better now. A bit wanting in the subtlety department, dialogue-wise, but otherwise an absolute improvement.

+1.

Last edited on 24 Apr 2020 02:05 by Christopoulos Show more

Rounderhouse 24 Apr 2020 01:13

Changed the ending — hopefully it suits your tastes better now.

Raptie 23 Apr 2020 21:57

Ending was indeed a bit… Not sudden, but I think it could have been meatier.

Either way, upvoted for the compelling narrative and dialogue. <3

Nagiros 23 Apr 2020 22:03

Agreeing with the above that the ending mars an otherwise great article. Dialogue seems to lose all its subtext as soon as the standoff occurs, which was really the driving component for me. If it were cleaned up I imagine the real reveal at the final note would have hit a lot harder.

Also fixed a formatting issue in the terminal layout, hope you don't mind.

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Ah, I do enjoy the new ending. It still exposits a bit too much for my taste but it's a definite improvement.

Last edited on 25 Apr 2020 02:09 by Nagiros Show more

Hexick 23 Apr 2020 22:19

This was a really good article. In my eyes, this was most notably thanks to the characters you've created for this. Their dialogue felt natural, and their actions didn't seem unrealistic. I wasn't too surprised by the ending, but otherwise, you did an amazing job.
+1

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Edit: In light of edits made to this article, I've stricken information in my comment that no longer applies.

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Hexick, SCP Wiki Operational Staff, Community Outreach/MAST/Licensing/Site Crit
Personal site: http://hexhouse.wikidot.com/
Feel free to forward any concerns or inquiries to my Wikidot inbox.

Last edited on 24 Apr 2020 01:22 by Hexick Show more

(account deleted) 24 Apr 2020 00:35

Good to see it finally made it off nutest!
+1

r0se 24 Apr 2020 06:41

the accent on the e in Garlés disappears and appears at random. other than that this was really good

Rounderhouse 24 Apr 2020 06:52

Fixed, knew I forgot something. Glad you liked it!

Zero_Consistency 25 Apr 2020 04:04

Oh fuck, the foundation just tried to create mewtwo :O thorough +1

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