FIRST SCP
This has been over a year in the making (all though most of that year was me forgetting about this.) but now it is done!
SCP-5290 / Discussion
Forum
» Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions
» SCP-5290
This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5290.
Came for what appeared to be a Community reference, upvoted for making me read the name Evan Kenevan twice before I realized what was happening.
Work on your presentation and I'll be following your work.
Hello author,
I wanted to let you know that the image of the document included in this file is rather difficult to read at its current level of smush.
Furthermore, I'm not sure if the interview you provided above the document was done as such for stylistic reasons, but the informal and undifferentiated presentation of the text was also difficult for me to read.
This article meanders quite a bit, it takes us a few paragraphs into the description before you share what the anomaly even is. If I don't have some hint about that in the first one or two sentences of the description, I become concerned. Overall, I feel this piece could benefit with a good 10-20% trim down to condense the action and "neat" stuff.
I am currently no-voting because of issues with readability.
Thank You for the feedback! I really like the idea for this scp, so I care more about making the best possible article than preserving my ego. I'll trim the fat and improve the image quality, as well as make the anomaly jump out more. For the interview, how do I make line breaks appear in quote boxes? I was having issues getting that to work. I will add names to each statement to make it more readable.
You need to add a line that is a > and an empty space in order to separate, so,
> words here
>
> more words
Produces
words here
more words
Thank you! I've cut some fat, rearranged the paragraphs so the anomalous traits appear earlier, and I stated the type of anomaly in the first sentence of the description. The Artifact-ridden jpeg has been replaced with a fresh and happening pdf, and I put spaces in front of all greater than symbols.
Ha This is a funny coincidence at the moment I'm making a episodic comic based on the SCP foundation which I post on the SCP Reddit and one of the secondary charecter's is a SCP with diamond eyes who experiences a Infinite number of realities at once via a collective consciousness who also has a gambling addiction. It's funny to see how similar our ideas were especially as I came up with him around the same time you did with this.
Great minds think alike +1
Image is by teadrinker. It has been removed as non-derivative (ND) licenses are not compliant with CC BY-SA 3.0.
I upvoted, solely due to the Hoover document. I really like the implications there.
That being said, I nearly downvoted. I really don't like the practice of having notes at the end where the Foundation says "Don't do this obviously dumb thing again." I feel like the general Foundation employees are more mature than that.
Another problem is the use of "Agent Nord" in the Description section. If it's supposed to be a huge secret that the UIU is involved, using the term "Agent" is a bit of a tip-off.
A final problem is that the first test log talks about sedative in the procedure, but death in the conclusions, which doesn't jibe.
No-vote. The UIU storyline is interesting enough, but the testing logs are basically unrelated to the arc. It also would have been cooler to see more interaction about the funding issue of the UIU. Anyway, A few nitpicks,
WARNING: Access to this section of this document is restricted to O5 Councilmembers and the Site Directors of Site-64. If you hold sufficient clearance, proceed below
A Space is needed here.
Despite its tightly packed molecular structure, SCP-5290 is transparent and features no coloring.
This sentence contains a redundancy. If something is transparent it features no colour by definition.
Upon losing contact with the object or losing consciousness, a version will disconnect from the group consciousness.
The clinical tone is off here. Maybe say "Upon losing contact with the object or losing consciousness, contact with a separate version will be lost." This would probably make more sense if the person was designated as a SCP-5290-1 instance.
[DATA EXPUNGED] USD
Why is this expunged? It doesn't seem that any damage would be caused by knowing how much money someone had.
(Note, Agent Nord may have stolen other anomalous objects and sold them to other parties before being apprehended)
This should probably be in a footnote.
I think all of the writing is fine otherwise.
A few nitpicks to your nitpicks
Councilmember as a single word exists and is used correctly.
Transparent objects can be colored? Like, you know, colored glass, plastics and whatnot. Color doesn't make an object inherently not transparent. It could've been a transparent blue prism, for example
Sometimes redactions and expunged data is used to get rid of unimportant information that doesn't really matter to the story, like the amount of dollars earned by use of an anomaly.
I kinda like this one, it's reasonably quick, and while the anomaly involved isn't the most unique, it's definitely an interesting take on the "multiple timelines" trope.
However I think I'm gonna have to leave this as a no-vote for the time being, as I can't actually read what I feel is a significant portion of of the article due to the fact that Flash is no longer being supported on most browsers. I understand that this is no fault of yours, and I understand if you can't actually do anything about changing that portion to be available again, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on something rather important.
I enjoyed this. While I haven't read that many timeline related skips, I'd say this is a unique take on it. However-
8,000 USD in █████ Casino poker chips
[DATA EXPUNGED] USD
This bothered me. Isn't an O5 member viewing this? I don't like too many unnecessary redactions.
I willl give an upvote, as the enjoyment outweighed the irritation.
/forum/t-13206398/scp-5290#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
