Would appreciate any form of criticism or advice
SCP-COOL-J / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-COOL-J.
By Order of the Overseer Council this SCP has been legally certified as v e r y cool
+1
I'm afraid that I need to downvote this one. It didn't make me laugh, snicker, giggle, or even smile while reading it.
-1
same
π ππππ π₯ π π π π¦ π π
I've got to admit, I smiled reading the image caption. I can tell you put a lot of thought into this. +1
Good ol' coolness jokes. Made me smile and nose-exhale. +1
Desperately needs a proofread.
"foundation-wide epidemic" -> "Foundation-wide epidemic" [maybe add of uncoolness to specify.]
"D-42069 (Chosen for his D Class Number)" -> "D-42069 (Chosen for his D-Class number)"
"(D-42069 is seen visibly distressed)" -> "[D-42069 is visibly distressed.]"
"SCP-COOL-J-1: stiffles a laugh Alright bro," -> "**SCP-COOL-J-1: [Stifles a laugh.] Alright bro,"
And then there's this messy block:
SCP-COOL-J-1: Well, first things first, I wake up with my trusty skateboard gestures toward SCP-COOL-J-3 from where ever we dropped, then we catch some of the fast-break [what SCP-COOL-J-1 refers breakfast as] , and we do whatever we want dude! As long as it's legal, breaking the law ain't cool bro. SCP-COOL-J-1 adjusts SCP-COOL-J-2
D-42069: Yeah, I know.
SCP-COOL-J-1: One more question brotatoe. Then I gotta skate to the nearest cool place I know.
Partial fix (pastable):
> SCP-COOL-J-1: Well, first thing's first, I wake up with my trusty skateboard //[It gestures toward SCP-COOL-J-3.//] from where ever we dropped, then we catch some of the fast-break[[footnote]]SCP-COOL-J frequently refers to breakfast as this.[[/footnote]], and we do whatever we want, dude! As long as it's legal. Breaking the law ain't cool bro. //[SCP-COOL-J-1 adjusts SCP-COOL-J-2.]//
>
> D-42069: Yeah, I know.
>
> SCP-COOL-J-1: One more question brotatoe. Then I gotta skate to the nearest cool place I know.
"(D-42069 shivers again while complaining about low temperatures in California, seemingly due to SCP-COOL-J's anomalous ability related to freezing temperatures)" -> "[D-42069 shivers again and complains about low temperatures in California, seemingly due to SCP-COOL-J's anomalous ability related to freezing temperatures.]"
Thank you so much for this helpful advice, concerning the messy messed up block of text, I have it it the same way you provided to me, however, it does not seem to fix the issue. I donβt know how to fix it, thank you again
Eh, I really didn't get too much out of this article. There's just not a lot to it and nothing really piqued my interest. Not a fan of the dialogue, either: there's a lot of stuttering in it which I think could be removed, and the interview between the personnel member and the SCP doesn't flow naturally — it kinda stops and starts all over the place, and it isn't very cohesive. The joke frequency is a little too fast-paced for my tastes, too: spacing them out and even removing a couple jokes might prove useful in a rewrite. However, as it stands, this SCP is very… messy.
Overall, it's a downvote for me.
svaria
Although the article can be improved, I think the concept is pretty funny and is decently well written. It just needs a few minor touch-ups, maybe get someone else to proofread it before you update it.
/forum/t-13131364/scp-cool-j#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
