SCP-5990 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-5990.

How could I have ever been so blind?

Lt Flops 10 Mar 2020 03:58

SCP-5990: Out of my head, out of my mind | [Audio version]
Author: Lt Flops

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▷ Entry for DAY TWO ◁

▷ Entry for DAY THREE ◁

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So, here's my entry for DAY ONE of the 144-Hour Jam Contest Two! The theme was, of course, EXPLOSIONS, and the first thing to enter my mind at 12:01 AM was mindsplosions! I vowed this contest to write articles related to Oneiroi.¹ This isn't exactly Oneiroi Collective — it's Oneiroi-adjacent, but if I were to tag this, they'd get the tag. I suppose it's up to the tech team to determine whether it is, but I'm down for discussion.²

This article is also set in the Broken Masquerade! I have tagged it as such, but it may not slot into that canon's anthology as neatly as I would like, so I may just consider this a branch universe of that canon.

I knew very early on that I wanted to write a timeline of events. I can say with full honesty that SCP-4882 is my partial inspiration for that, but I tried not to associate the thought of my timeline with 4882 while writing this! I also had trouble figuring out the tone. There are, of course, some dark aspects to this, and most timeline entries in here are in some way inspired by current, real world events. Ultimately, that's for you to decide.

Footnotes

1. For last year's Jam Contest, I vowed to write articles solely for the Shark Punching Centre. Which I accomplished!

2. For reference: The Oneiroi aspect here is Mindscaping, which is also featured in another Broken Masquerade article and has ties to Moosphere, Inc.

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▷ Special Thanks

Special Thanks — Critters & Beta Readers

▷ JustBixby, for beta reading (TWICE!) and helping brainstorm.
▷ not_a_seagull does not match any existing user name, for beta reading.
▷ DrChandra, for beta reading and critique.

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Sources

None, aside from minor fact-checking using Wikipedia!

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If you liked this, check out my Author Page!

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https://scpwiki.com/floppyphoenix

Last edited on 23 Jan 2022 08:00 by Lt Flops Show more

Re: How could I have ever been so blind?

monsterjealousy 10 Mar 2020 21:35

the ending is a bit… whimsical, but overall i liked it.

DatMonkey5100 10 Mar 2020 12:22

I like this. The story aspect makes this for me. I thought at first "oh it makes your head explode" but then I saw the story and incident reports and the mindscaping and I was like wow, this is great. +1

T Rutherford 10 Mar 2020 19:58

Is it wrong that I imagine this anomaly making a "Bwoooooooop!" sound when it expands a person's head? +1

Lt Flops 10 Mar 2020 20:01

Well, that just reminds me of a circus. And, quite frankly, I think that makes it terrifying!

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https://scpwiki.com/floppyphoenix

0

pxdnbluesoul 10 Mar 2020 22:14

I like a lot about this piece, and putting it in Broken Masquerade gives it more room to operate narratively. I think it fits fine there. But this one kind of falls apart for me at the end. We go to a whimsical ending too abruptly and rather than any satisfaction with that, I'm confused and wondering if I should've seen it coming.

Re: 0

Lt Flops 10 Mar 2020 22:37

Thanks for the feedback, bluesoul, I always look forward to seeing your thoughts! ^^ And that's completely understandable — I knew my choice of ending was a sizable risk, and not one that many readers would appreciate. I'll admit there's not much to defend; it's a serious article that yanks the handbrake and pulls a 180 at the end.

If I may mention what my thoughts were when writing this: I wanted to explore the horrors that plague the SCP Universe through many different lenses. The anomalous is often doom and gloom (grimdark, if you will), and O5-6 is a man at the very top, who looks down on the world and sees it for what it really is. Even for all his power, he's forced to work with twelve other people who have their own agendas, the power of veto, and not a care for things beyond their own personal bubble. Nothing felt more natural, to me, than looking into the dark from an outsider's perspective and, through cognitive dissonance, leaving with a sense of twisted absurdity.

Of course, inner thoughts don't always translate neatly onto the page!

Again, thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

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https://scpwiki.com/floppyphoenix

RJB_R 10 Mar 2020 23:13

I agree with bluesoul that the mood whiplash at the end is incongruous and I think it speaks to a larger issue with the piece. Reading it is like going through the cliffs notes of something with greater scope than this possesses. The logs come at you fast but there’s no real through-line tying them together in a compelling way. There’s a lot to like here but it never comes together and so I have to give it a -1.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!

Hexick 11 Mar 2020 01:30

I really enjoyed the formatting of this article going up by dates and describing events in which SCP-5990 was involved in some way. My only problem with the article was the ending drastically contrasting with the tone of the rest of the article. I would personally recommending fixing that portion of it but other than that a great SCP.
+1

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Hexick, SCP Wiki Operational Staff, Community Outreach/MAST/Licensing/Site Crit
Personal site: http://hexhouse.wikidot.com/
Feel free to forward any concerns or inquiries to my Wikidot inbox.

CityToast 11 Mar 2020 02:36

Please tell me that each headsplosion ends in a rainbow cloud like in Kingsman

+1

Ihp 18 Mar 2020 07:17

I agree with Roget in that the ending doesn't jive with the rest of it, but the rest of it is high-quality shit regardless. I really need to get around to finally writing for BM. +1.

Wikiwalk

Deadly Bread 18 Dec 2021 13:21

The WikiWalk Subteam is proposing edits to this page. All proposed edits will be in a collapsible below this post, and after 7 days if there are no serious objections to the edits, the feedback received will be taken into account as the edits are made. If you have questions not directly related to the article about this project, please pm a member of the WikiWalk Team.

+ show block

The article itself already links directly to the Broken Masquerade Hub, so that part is covered well enough. The only suggestion I really have to make is as follows:

SCP-5990 occurs when prolonged stress and other triggers create a critical emotional mass within an individual's mind. This can lead to an intense mental fallout that most commonly causes migraines in the affected person.

This is because it's really the only article I could find with a somewhat similar effect, and I think another view of "intense mental fallout" is helpful.

If anyone has any other ideas, feel free to suggest them below.

Timer Expired. Edits made as discussed above. Author may revert at any time.

Last edited on 01 Jan 2022 00:44 by Deadly Bread Show more

Re: Wikiwalk

Lt Flops 28 Dec 2021 05:44

Super belated — but yeah, I'm cool with this crosslink!

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https://scpwiki.com/floppyphoenix